I went to the store and got what I thought sweetened condensed milk.
When I got home and opened it up, it said “You don’t know how to cook, but you’re trying so hard. Bless your heart, honey.”
Turns out it was sweet’n condescending milk.
Why did the blonde sniff artificial sweetener?
Because she thought it was Diet Coke
Did you hear the urban legend about the creepy ghost that appears when you use artificial sweetener?
He's called Splendaman.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Sorting out my shit for me! [Long]
Moe owns a bar, and he has been finding it really hard to manage the bar and take care of his personal life. Things are just piling up and getting on top of him. Recently his Aunt got divorced and so she has been sitting at the end of the bar drinking away his profits, his Rottweiler Chomper has jus...
I brought a date to the 4th of July party...
...really sweetened up the fruit salad.
I went to see a friend from a very rich family. The maid approached me and asked...
MAID: -What would you like to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?
ME: -Tea pls.
MAID: -Ceylon Tea, Indian Tea, Herbal Tea, Kericho Gold Tea, Bush Tea or Green Tea?
ME: -Ceylon Tea pls.
MAID: -How do you want it, black or white?...
There was a very well liked guy named Jimmy, and had always aspired to be a pilot, just like his dad.
Unfortunately, life took many rough turns for him in high school; one night while driving late one night, his tire blew out and he lost his right eye. Having only half his vision, his dreams of being a pilot were crushed, and he didn't know what to do with his life.
Jimmy, now fitted with a b...
I always wanted to be a sugar daddy....
...turns out I only have the money for being some sort of artificial sweetener daddy.
You are now fish!
Catholics don't eat meat during the 40 days of lent. Now it so happened a Muslim carpenter moved into a catholic area. Now this guy loved his barbeque and he'd be out in his garden almost daily to enjoy his afternoon feast. Now lent started and the smoky smell wafting from his garden had many people...
The drug dealer added sugar to his marijuana...
to sweeten the pot.
A man reports a crime...
Operator: Sir, what seems to be the problem?
Man: Someone broke into my house, spilled all of my milk, and stole all of my favorite cereal! You know, the original multigrain cereal that has been slightly sweetened.
Operator: Stop your crying...that's just Life.
I use to call my wife "my sweet"
She developed diabetes.. So now I call her "my sweetener"