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Fyi Jokes

FYI: The .gif file format is pronounced "jiff"

I know because I joogled it.

FYI: Toothbrush was invented in Alabama

If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called Teethbtush.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FYI: I'm holding a seminar for people who have difficulty achieving an orgasm.

Let me know if you can't come.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

what do you call a criminally bad orange juice?

Not innocent.

(It's a brand fyi :3)

Just fyi, if you're girlfriend asks you if she should lose some weight...

"I love you through thick and thin" is not an appropriate response.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I managed to tell this joke to my gf during sex

(FYI: In Sweden we tell jokes about Norwegian people being stupid)

 

me: Wanna hear a joke?
gf: Wtf, now? sure...
me: What does the Norwegian man do before he comes?
gf: No idea..
me: He knocks on the door
gf: *giggles while facepalming*

&nb...

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Give it to me!” She yelled. “I’m so fucking wet give it to me now!!”

She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.


FYI found this on my phone from ages ago but wanted to post it cause I thought it was hilarious.

Something funny my daughter said

I took the family on a road trip to Colorado to go snowboarding. (FYI: my kids are Vietnamese).

Had my two youngest daughters in the back, Nhi 9 & Oanh 11.

Youngest was reading license plates off, "Kansas, Texas, Colorado" etc.

Then I hear Nhi (little one) in her viet/engl...

Me: Whats the wifi password?

THIS IS A REPOST. Just FYI


Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.


Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.


Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?



Me: Sure. How much is that?


Bartender: $3.


Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?


Barte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do you think this joke is funny?

A white woman and a black man are dancing at a club, and after a while things start to get hot and heavy. After some heavy kissing and petting, the woman makes the suggestion that they return to her apartment for the night.

When the couple arrives at the woman's apartment, they begin passiona...

A Czech joke translation

Since we're all translating jokes, this is one I heard when I lived in Prague. FYI, it was a big hit when I told it in Sweden using Norway as the other country.

So an incredibly nefarious criminal escapes from prison in the Czech Republic. Rumor is he went across the border to Slovakia. So th...

One of the many situations women tend to handle the wrong way...

Ladies, if a man brings you breakfast whilst you are still in bed, he wants to hear: "Oooh, that is so cute, thank you! I love you!" and not "HOW THE FRAK DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE YOU FRAKKING CREEP?!?!?!".



Just FYI.

TIFU - I made a bad decision and now I can't get my laptop fixed.

FYI This is a story from last year, not today.

So I had a laptop that was playing up. The screen kept going all janky. One day there was a popping noise and a smell of burning plastic, so I thought that was enough and I contacted the service department.

I found out they had an office...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russian version of the guillotine joke (different punchline)

(fyi: Russian belief is that if anything goes wrong during the execution, it is divine intervention, and it is every bad mojo to try to execute a 2nd time if the prisoner survived.)

So...

The Germans catch 3 spies in Berlin during WW1. A Frenchman, an American, and a Russian. They wan...

A Newfie family froze to death at a drive-in movie theater.

They were watching "Closed For The Season"

FYI Newfies are Canadians from Newfoundland. Newfie jokes are very similar to Polack jokes. Every region of the world has their "Newfies", and it's fun to find out what they are in different areas.

When is the best time to hold a funeral?

In the mourning.


FYI, my 11yo says he made this up today, right after learning of death in the extended family.

What's the difference between an orange and an erection?

... I don't have an orange.


My boyfriend's cousin introduced himself to me with this joke. Works best when whispered quietly into someone's ear at a noisy dinner party, FYI.

An investigation was carried out by a foundry...

since somehow people were getting a hold of their new ingots before they started selling them publicly. They investigated the entire foundry and found out that the man in charge of working the furnace was selling the ingots illegally, under the table. This only proves that he who smelt it, dealt it....

Ladder to Success

A man falls asleep one night with depressing thoughts of his failures in life; never has he been able to provide for his family what he wants them to have. He wakes up the next morning on the floor of a room with only a white painted ceiling and floor. No walls. Just clouds as far as he can see. In ...

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