Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.

“I blame the general manager,” said the first fan. “If he signed better players, we’d be a great team.”

“I blame the players,” said the second fan. “If they made more of an effort, we’d score some points.”

“I blame my parents,” said the third. “If I’d been born in Seattle, I’d be suppo...

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William Stranahan heads to the village for a pint or two...

The old Scotsman is greeted at the pub by his aged mates for their weekly bender. And, aye, they are shameless. They leer at the young lassies. They gripe about the fleeting virility of the young men. They curse the government. They reminisce about the days of yore. But mostly, they drink well throu...

The French Test Drive

An American couple took their honeymoon in France, and they loved it so much they decided they just had to live there. But the costly move left them in financial hardship. Eventually, they did both find jobs, but on opposite ends of the city, so they decided to buy a car.

"This one," said the...

A Monkey could Do It

I was out to dinner with a friend of mine, bemoaning my lowly IT job when I spoke into the stillness of a moment, "You know ... a monkey in a suit could do my job and no one would notice."



He paused for a moment and then put a consoling hand on my shoulder. "Come on man ... we both ...

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Two hungry hobos

Two hobos were walking along the railroad tracks bemoaning how long it had been since either one had eaten. They come across a racoon that had been half squished by a train, and one exclaims "Our luck has changed, we can split it!"

The second hobo demurred, "No thanks, I'm going to wait for a...

In my early 20s, I was a scumbag - no car, no house, no job. I lived at with my girlfriend's apartment, and sometimes I'd even borrow her car when I went out to cheat on her.

I say "borrow", but I didn't exactly ask her for permission. She worked as a bank teller, so I'd simply wait till she fell asleep -- Then I'd sneak into the night.

When I returned, I'd adjust the seat, radio, and mirrors back how they were before. The less questions, I figured, the better, ...

German Refugee

A refugee is sitting in the street in Berlin, bemoaning his life, when suddenly, a genie appears.

"I'm the socialist, liberal genie," says he, "and I'm here to grant you three wishes."

The refugee says "You see this gap in my teeth? I want it fixed." No sooner does he say that, that he...

Appropriate for Election Season

A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and asks his profession. The man says he was a politician. "Ah," says St. Peter, "then you may choose whether you would like to go to heaven or hell. You may spend one week in heaven, then one week in hell. At the end of the...

A man is stranded on a desert island

As he is walking along the beach, bemoaning his current situation, he kicks something in the sand. It's a magic lamp! He rubs it and a genie appears.

"I will grant you three wishes." Says the genie.

The man thinks for a moment and says, "For my first wish, I'd like a boat with a full t...

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Fart Football

One night, an elderly couple is sitting in bed. The husband reading while the wife quietly knits. Breaking the silence, the husband leans gently to one side, and unleashes an egregious fart. His wife crumples her face and writhes in near agony next to him, bemoaning the ubiquitous ass mist that was ...

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