UPJOKE
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A man and his wife die in a car accident

The man is greeted by Death. "Choose your game", says Death, "win and you will get a second chance at life, lose and you will die".

As an avid poker player, its an easy choice for the man.

As they begin, the man loses the first few hands.

As the next hand is drawn, the man is st...

What do you call the art of folding cookies?

Oreo-gami

jujitsu is the gentle art....

Of folding clothes with people still in them...

Biology Professor: The small intestine of human is only 6 meters long, yet contains villi that is folding up so much, when unfolded, it's about 40 square meters.

Professor (continued): If you walk on that, it'd take you 7x of time than you expected.

Student: I experienced that in Ikea.

I was folding my pants, fresh out the drier, and found a dollar in a pocket. Jesus Christ...

How long have I been laundering money?

Now that Laundry Folding Machine has been invented

Theres no used getting married.

Since you like Dad jokes. Here's one I laid on my wife while she was folding my infant daughters clothes.

Wife: Could you go and grab the baby hangers?

Me: They prefer to be called executioners.

TIL you can make a gyro by folding a crepe in half instead of pita bread. But you don't have to do it this way. Because

not all gyros wear crepes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

What do you call an old lady folding paper?

Ori-Grammi

So a pimpled man goes to the doctor...

He comes in, but refuses to sit down. The nurse asks if there is anything she could help him with.

He waves her away politely, and holds his suitcase in the air, bumps the top of it and an entire stool comes folding out. He places the stool on the ground and tries to small talk with the nurse...

A woman living on a shtetl in Poland goes to see her rabbi

"Rabbi!" she says. "My son Avram has a very strange fear - he is afraid of kreplach!"

The rabbi says, "Kreplach? He's afraid of the meat dumplings we make for Rosh Hashanah?"

She nods. "Yes. I've tried to tell him there's nothing to be afraid of, but whenever he sees kreplach he runs o...

Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist...

...then I remember what I look like naked and keep folding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.

The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?

The husband quickly try to explain.

So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teamster jokes

Why is there a horse on the Teamster logo?
It's the only animal that sleeps standing up.

What do Teamster's kide do at the playground do?
Sit on folding chairs and watch other kids play.

What do you call a Teamster in a 3 piece suit?
Defendant

Two teamsters are standing...

Apparently origami enthusiasts are bad at poker...

they're always folding.

I'll see myself out. lol

Driving Home

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk." Well," ...

Just after the US Civil War, a handsome and proper Texan Colonel, a beautiful young debutante, and a foppish city boy from the east found themselves travelling by train through the heartland of Texas.

As they rode in silence, the Texan couldn't help but notice the city boy kept staring at the young woman. He scowled his disapproval each time he caught the boy's eye, but the boy kept staring at the woman.

Finally, the city boy screwed up his courage, placed his hand on the debutante's knee,...

My friend just became the World Champion in competitive origami.

He’s great at folding under pressure.

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