Shut Down Jokes

Beat it, we're closed

The other 195.

It just didn’t make any cents

We should have known, the cakes were all Stollen.

He lost his porpoise!

Due to the Corona virus the shortage of toilet paper has made this step a necessity.

Turns out it was just some old pervert who set up a glory hole.

Nobody wants twerk anymore

They said it was due to ill eagle activity.

a Mexican stand off.

I've never heard of it. So I asked Yahoo what it is, but they haven't replied.

I couldn’t make ends meet.

Due to social distancing, the Shakespearean Theater Company had to cancel all of their live shows. Before self-quarantining, they decided to do one last performance of Romeo and Juliet and livestream their production over the internet. In order to reach a wide audience, they advertised there show o... read more

They're having a midwife crises

In fact he was quite listless.

Now I’m making ends meet by making meets end!

Because it was a naan-Essential business.

They had too many naysayers.

He ran out of patients

Same reason you never see Bruce Wayne and Batman together.

I saw my senator with a sign that said, "Will lie, cheat, and steal for food."

Or

now my senator has to lie, cheat, and steal for free.

Or

so will my senator stop lying, cheating, and stealing?

Take your pick or insert your parasite of choice. And don't forget to ... read more

It's ratings were killed off by social meteor!

....those that roams the streets now look even more deadlier than corona!

Would you like to restart America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)

It makes no scents.

She was later arrested and charged with battery.

He's going to buy it and run it himself.

You could say its hit a wall

Apparently it was an ill-eagle act.

They grew tired of all the wiiposts.

Because it was discovered that most of his followers were auto bots.

Obama answers the call for volunteers. On his first day, they assign him to feed the baby dolphins.

As he is doing so, another volunteer accosts him "Our country is in crisis. Don't you have anything better to do?"

He replied "I think I'm serving a youthful porpoise."

They had a right to bear farms.

The president paused for a moment, then shrugged and said, “It just made cents.”

Hundreds of millions of North Americans experiencing the worst droughts in history will be like "I guess the rain's down in Africa."

A new owner rebuilt the kitchen area. The inspector was very impressed with the new kitchen. Stainless steel counters and shelves. Floors of white marble. More lighting install making a bright and clean looking work area. Tongs hanging everywhere, the food was not touched by human hands.

The ... read more

Parents were pretty upset when they realized "Teen girls clothes always half off" was the entry policy, not a sale.

Have you ever seen a angry woman drive?

It was quite the undertaking.

By renaming it 'Trump University'!

Two weeks later, Fortnight was finished.

He was sued for mall-practice.

MOTHER NATURE AND FATHER TIME.

Some kid had put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom.

He said, "I don't know, but I'm all ears"

TIL People are trying to get into North Korea.

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee... read more

The brigade is moving for the exercise, and the general’s jeep has left camp last and is speeding to catch up the long column of trucks. After a bend in the road they come across one of their trucks, stopped with a wheel in the ditch. The general tells his driver to stop and jumps out to berate the ... read more

and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice

They're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools.

When I do it, it's "disgusting" "depraved" and they shut down my cafe......