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A mother and her young son were driving in their car when a dildo suddenly flies outta nowhere and hits the windshield, the mother trying to not ruin the child’s innocence says “it was just a bug sweetie, don’t worry”

The kid replies saying “How it even got of the ground with a dick that big amazes me”

What's got four wheels, no wings, and flies?

A rubbish truck.

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just two, but the real question is how they got there in the first place.

Time flies like an arrow

but fruit flies like a banana

Flying over the Atlantic

An Airbus 380 is on it's way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring ...

A man is out in the yard flying a kite with his son

but the kite keeps nosing-over and crashing. After a while the upstairs window flies open and his wife yells out "You need more tail!"

,,,And he yells back "I told you that last night, and you told me to go fly a kite!"

What’s the difference between science and religion? Science flies you to the moon

While Religion Flies You Into Buildings.

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A couple of flies are feasting on a fresh piece of poop.

One of the flies rips a big fart.

The other fly yells "Come on man, I'm eating here!!"

How do FLIES connect to the internet?

Via WIFLI

Two flies are sat on a dog poo. One of them breaks wind, and the other says….

Do you mind! I’m eating!

What do you call an elephant that flies ?

A Jumbo Jet...

What does the US government use to kill flies?

They use a S.W.A.T team

What is grey and hurts if it flies in your eye?

A Boeing F/A-18E/F Super Hornet

Son of a…

A birch tree and a beech tree stood next to each other in the woods. They were tall old trees, and usually got on quite well.

One day they noticed a little sapling between them, far below. The birch noticed first and said “Hey beech! Check out that little son of a birch down there!”
...

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When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn’t even know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.

Then a man approached me and said, “Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn’t enjoy it.”
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodb...

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A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield.

Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Stop asking how Dumbo flies

The answer is ear elephant

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A man is alone in an airport lounge.

A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He lean...

A moth flies into a doctor's office.

The doctor asks "do you have any symptoms?"

The moth responds "no symptoms, although I am feeling a little sad."

The doctor says "maybe you should go to the circus, the great Pagliachi is in town."

The moth responds "but doctor! I am Pagliachi!"

"Then why are you here," s...

I feel really bad for the class of 2020. They say the year really flies by.

I just didn’t realize it would Zoom.

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2 flies are sitting in a turd

One of them farts.

The other says “ah come on man, I’m trying to eat here!”

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Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says: "Kin ya swallar?"The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks: "Kin ya breathe?"The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt...

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A man arrives home at his local airport...

He hails the first taxi off the rank and says "how much out to the suburbs?"

"Sixty bucks" comes the reply.

"I've only got twenty in my pocket. When we get to my house, I'll give you the difference plus a big tip." says the traveller

"Nope" Says the cabbie firmly.

The nex...

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The voodoo dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay?

A bagel

A bumblebee and a honeybee meet on the corner.

The bumblebee says "Hey, little bro, how's it going?" and the honeybee says "Oh, so, so bad. It's been a horrible summer, hardly any flowers, and there's next to nothing in the hive."

"I can give you a hot tip," says the bumblebee. "Go half a block south, then fly over the house to tbe back y...

A lawyer, A rabbi, and a Buddhist Monk...

...Are driving together on Route 66. It's beginning to get dark and they are wishing for a place to stop but there isn't a town for miles. Then they spot an old farmhouse and decide to ask. The farmer meets them at the door and listens to their request. He says that he would be glad to let them stay...

What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?

No, seriously. This thing is scaring the hell out me.

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A man buys a talking parrot, and he’s shocked to learn that the only thing the parrot does is curse.

All day, every day, it’s just a torrent of profanity.

He tries everything he can think of to make the parrot stop cursing.

He tries speaking in only kind, polite words and the parrot replies with, “Shit. Asshole. Fucker.”

He tries yelling at it. The parrot just says, “Motherfu...

Why can’t flies ever travel in an airplane?

They are always in the No Fly List !

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A couple is golfing on a golf course when their ball flies out of the course and smashes right through the window of an old mansion.

Shocked, the couple hastes to the old mansion and knock on the door.

A mysterious voice from within the mansion calls the couple to enter.

The couple enters the mansion and in the hallway they see an old man standing next to the broken window and a broken chinese vase with their golfba...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

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