I went on a date with a small carp once. Bit of a tease, kept acting shy.

She was a little koi.

I had a Fish

That could breakdance, on the carpet, for 20 seconds, only once.

Two friends are fishing for carp...

...when one of them stands up and as he does, his wallet falls into the water and slowly starts to sink to the bottom of the lake.

As he feverishly attempts to retrieve it, two huge carp appear and both grab the wallet in their mouths and start fighting over it.

The second guy turns to...

What’s the difference between Neymar and a Dolphin?

When a dolphin dives he’s fishing for a carp for food on a reef ...
When Neymar dives he’s fishing for a card from a fool of a ref

Just finished building doors for my fish.

I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.

GOB Bluth started his own school for young magicians

For the second class, he decided to teach the children some of the classic transformation illusions. He showed them flowers-to-doves, doves-to-rabbits, and rabbits-to-carp.

Then he showed them carp-to-rats and his most enthusiastic student asked, "Does it have to be carp and rats, Uncle GOB? ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A dyslexic goes to a fish restaurant.

"You guys are out of order," he complains. "I can't believe you serve shit to your customers!"

"You mean the carp, sir?" asks the waiter.

[True story] I ordered fresh tilapia with my groceries from the supermarket, but they gave me frozen instead

Tastes like carp.

I'm going to buy my Dungeon Master a goldfish

So I can carp a DM

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Game Warden goes fishing [long]

This fellow got hired by the Conservation Department as a game warden. He just loved all things hunting and fishing, and being new in town, started asking around where the good fishing holes were. Finally he came to this little country bar, and asked the bartender. "Charlie catches more fish than...

A man walks into a fishmongers...

...with a carp under his arm. He asks the man behind the counter "Do you sell fishcakes?" The fishmonger says "Why, yes we do". "Fantastic!" exclaims the man, pointing to the fish under his arm "It's his birthday!"

God comes and talks to Noah while he is building the Ark...

He says :"Noah, Hear my will. I have decided what I wish to fill the first storey of the ark with"

"Of course my lord, what is it you wish?"

"I wish for you to fill it with carp!"

Noah is confused, he says "But my lord, carp can swi-

"**DON'T QUESTION MY WILL NOAH**"
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