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Fishmonger Jokes

The Fishmonger

A woman went to the market to buy some cod. She approaches the fishmonger for assistance.

Woman: Do you have any cod? I’d like a piece of cod.

Fishmonger: We’ve got no cod, madam. We have haddock, would you like some haddock?

Woman: No, I’d like some cod.

Fishmonger: We d...

She was only a Fishmongers daughter

But she lay on the slab and said "fillet"

Why do fishmongers keep all the profit for themselves?

Because they sel fish

Fishmonger job

I’ve just been offered a job as a fishmonger, but I’m not sure if I'll accept it or not.

I’ll need to weigh up the frozen prawns.

What do you call a fishmonger who doesn't like to share?

Selfish

"Stop! Thief!" shouted the fishmonger.

"Don't move a mussel."

Man walks into a fishmonger carrying a trout under his arm...

He asks the shopkeeper, “Do you sell fish cakes?”

Shopkeeper replies “Of course!”

Man says, “Thank god, it’s his birthday!”

Why are fishmongers never generous?

Because their business makes them sell-fish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Jewish Fishmonger

So this man goes to his Jewish fishmonger and says, "All your neighbors praise your smartness and intellect. What's the secret?"

The fishmonger says that he eats 3 fish heads a day. He offers to to sell the man a fish head for 3 dollars. The man buys 3 fish heads.

Some weeks go by. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fish

A woman rushes into a fish shop at 4:45 on a Saturday evening and orders a pound of Cod.

The fishmonger says, “I’m sorry, we’ve sold out of cod.”

The woman says, “But I want a pound of Cod.!”

The fishmonger says, “I’m sorry, but we have sold right out of Cod.!”

The woman ...

Why are fishmongers only thinking about themselves?

Cause they sell fish

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fishmonger?

"Hello ladies!"

"Hmm," I said to the fishmonger, examining the selection. "I've got the munchies, I will eat any of these."

"Smoked trout?" he asked.

"No," I replied. "Just a little bit of weed."

The weirdest thing happened to me today, Dwayne Johnson was holding me down wgilst a fishmonger hit me with a frozen fish.

I was stuck between The Rock and a hard plaice

I still remember my fathers last words...."you selfish boy"

So i became a fishmonger, to follow his dying wish.

A guy was shopping at an outdoor fish market...

His dog was nosing around and all the sudden a lobster reached out of its tank and grabbed the dog's tail. The dog yelped and ran down the street with the lobster securely in tow. "That's a good trick, Mister," said the fishmonger, "but call your dog so I can have my lobster back!" The guy looks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chicken walks into a library...

The librarian lifts their gaze with a mixture of curiosity and surprise as the bird hops onto the counter. It tilts its head and, with an air of demand, clucks:

"Book!"

The librarian is taken aback at this odd display. The chicken impatiently taps one foot on the counter.

"Book,...

A magician goes to a fish market...

The fishmonger says “pick a cod, any cod”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a priest goes to the market to buy some dinner...

He walks up to a fishmonger and asks to buy some trout. The guy says, "Yeah, sure, I'll give you some of this dam trout."

The priest, a little offended, says, "There's no need for that kind of language." The fishmonger says, "Oh, I don't mean the swear. This trout was caught at a dam, so it'...

Why did the prawn leave the night club early?

Because he pulled a muscle.


Saw this outside my local fishmongers.

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