UPJOKE
seafoodtunapanfishtrouteelbonitopiscinemackerelfishypiscatorialhalieuticsfishmongerfishhaaftunny

Fish Market Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest enters a fish market.

When he asks what the man behind the counter recommends, the man brings out a large fish. "My goodness!" The priest exclaims. "That fish is huge!" "Yeah." The man replies. "It's a big son of a bitch." The priest says "Sir. Please mind your language." Thinking quickly, the man says "Oh. No. The name ...

Our local fish market ranks their catches on how rare they are

I noticed today that they had rare salmon. It definitely isn’t common plaice!

A pastors wife goes to the fish market

She’s looking to make fillets for dinner and asks the guy behind the counter for a suggestion.

“I’d recommend this right here, ma’am. It’s new to the market.”

“What kind of fish is it?” She asks.

“It’s dam fish, ma’am.”

The pastors wife abruptly says. “How dare you use th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 8 year old niece told me this yesterday...

A man goes to the fish market and walks up to a stall. There is a young boy selling fish. The boy is shouting "BUY MY DAMN FISH!". The man says you can't say that! The boy responds. "What do you mean? I caught them at the dam. These are dam fish." The man says okay and buys some and brings them home...

A guy was shopping at an outdoor fish market...

His dog was nosing around and all the sudden a lobster reached out of its tank and grabbed the dog's tail. The dog yelped and ran down the street with the lobster securely in tow. "That's a good trick, Mister," said the fishmonger, "but call your dog so I can have my lobster back!" The guy looks ...

A magician goes to a fish market...

The fishmonger says “pick a cod, any cod”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a fish market

She's wearing a long dress covered in dirt. Her hair is a mess. "Iwont3powndmakrul" she says

The man behind the counter says "Ma'am, I can't understand you. What did you say?"

"Iwont3powndmakrul" she says again.

"I'm sorry but I still can't understand you. What do you want?"
...

What did the blind man say when he walked past the fish market?

Good afternoon, ladies

A halibut recently started his job a local fish market...

On his first day he immediately knew he was a fish out of water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fish market and Nicki Minaj?

One has halibut and one has hella butt.

Why doesn't Elin Nordegren ever shop at the fish market?

Because Tiger is always bringing home crabs!

A deaf and dumb lady walks into a fish market

After waiting in line, she gets to the counter and points to the fish in the display cooler.

The fish guy says "Mahi mahi, good choice, how many pounds?"

She shakes her head and points again, and he says, "catfish! Great choice, very fresh today, how many pounds?"

She shakes her...

I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World, so I took them to a fish market and said...

"Shhhhh! They're all asleep!"

Men develop a type based on their favorite Disney princess.

I had a friend who was really into Cindarella and exclusively dates blonde women. Another loved snow white and is married to a woman with obsidian black hair. I was really into The Little Mermaid and that's why I am not allowed into the Fish Market anymore.

The blind man walked into a strip club and said

" this is the first fish market I've been to where they play music"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A butcher and a vet are having a bit of freaky time.

The vet says to the butcher: Could you tug me off, because you have experience with sausage.
The butcher agrees and then tugs the vet off.
The butcher then asks: I’ve tugged you off what do I get in return.
The vet says: well whatever you want
The butcher responds: erm, I heard you have ...

Preparations for parenthood - dressing and feeding.

New parents: feeding and dressing your toddler is not as easy a skill as it looks. It takes a lot of practice, so here are a couple tips to get you started.

To practice dressing a small child, first you need to get a string bag (like the kind you carry soccer balls). Then go to ...

The Blind Man

There was a blind man who had lived in a town for many years. Throughout his life he had learned the streets and knew where every building was: the school, the police station, the hospital etc.

One morning he was walking down the street, and he walked to the fish market where he stopped for a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whilst working abroad, a man visits a brothel.

Whilst working abroad, a man visits a brothel. The Madame welcomes him inside and says, 'Well, Sir, what kind of girl turns you on most?' He says, 'I want a woman who weighs over 300 pounds: she must be as sweaty as a Sumo wrestler's armpits and as hairy as a gorilla: I want her to have thighs lik...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.