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Greengrocer Jokes

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It’s been a long week in the greengrocers ….

It’s been a long week in the greengrocers but it finally gets to Friday night and three best mates - a lemon, a potato and a pea - decide to have a couple of beers after work, as so often happens, soon they’re on a full on pub crawl...

They have a great night, hitting pub after pub , knocki...

I live above an eccentric Greengrocer

His fruit selection is totally bananas

A lady is shopping at the greengrocer's.

— The lady: What beautiful cucumbers! So long and big, how much does one cost?
— The greengrocer: it costs $ 1 but if you get two I'll give you a discount, $ 1.50 for both.
— The lady: Ok, I'll take two, maybe I can eat one.

I was recently made redundant from my job at the Greengrocers



They gave me a months Celery, and four leeks in lieu of notice

I suspect my local greengrocer is overcharging for veg.

He's only charged me full price for an undersized lettuce, but I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Did you hear about the vandal who broke into the greengrocers to smash a single piece of fruit?

He got arrested for breaking a nectarine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to a greengrocers.

She asks the clerk "Can I have some broccoli?"

The clerk says "I'm sorry but I don't have any broccoli. Would you like celery instead?"

The woman says "No thanks, I'll just have some broccoli."

"Ma'am I don't think you understand, I don't have any broccoli. Perhaps some cabbage?...

A nun goes to the greengrocer

A nun goes to the greengrocer, asking for a cucumber.
"Get 2" he says. "So you have one to eat"

A Spanish greengrocer is 1.74 meters tall, has a waist circumference of 105 centimeters, and wears a size of 44. What does he weigh?

Vegetables

What does a cannibalistic vegan eat?

A greengrocer.

Old, but gold

A woman goes to the market.

She says to the greengrocer: "I would like to purchase a cucumber"

The vendor answers: "Buy two, so you can eat one"

100 kisses

A miser wrote a letter to his wife saying that he can’t send her money this month, so he sends hundred kisses instead.

She replied a month later saying: “Thanks for the kisses, dear, because they helped me a lot. Here’s how I spent them: 2 kisses for the milkman, 7 for the grocer, the landlor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When an old woman goes to the grocer.

A elderly woman makes a trip to the greengrocer down the block. A friendly employee sees her browsing the various vegetables and asks, "Excuse me, ma'am, can I help you find something?"

The old woman, without hesitation, replies, "Yes, you can! I'd like to buy a pound of broccoli."

"...

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