UPJOKE

Fear Of Jokes

I have a fear of overly intricate buildings.

I have a complex complex complex.

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My fear of palindromes is really starting to affect my life, so I asked the doctor if he could prescribe me anything.

The bastard gave me Xanax.

I was recently diagnosed with a fear of giants.

Fee-fi-phobia.

I have a fear of speed bumps

But I am slowly getting over it

I have a fear of negative numbers...

I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I have a fear of elevators...

...but I'm taking steps to avoid it.

I am developing a fear of German sausage...

I fear the wurst

The swordfish doesn't have any natural predators to fear of ...

... except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.

I have a fear of needles.

Being a haystack would suck.

I went to the doctors because I’ve suddenly acquired a fear of flying

The thinks it could be a terminal illness

So you know the fear of spiders is arachnophobia? What’s the fear of chainsaws?

Common sense.

What do you call a fear of giants?

Fe Fi Fo-bia

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me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts

therapist: that's the spirit!
me: oh fuck where

I want to know what the fear of question marks is called...

But I'm afraid to ask.

Germany is telling its citizens to stock up on sausages and cheese as fear of COVID grows.

It's the wurst-kase scenario

I've developed an irrational fear of escalators.

I always find myself taking steps to avoid them.

What‘s the medical term for fear of palindromes?

Aibohphobia.

Some people have a fear of heights.

Not me, I have a fear of widths.

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Me: I have a fear of the Backstreet Boys

Therapist: tell my why

Me: *shrieks in terror*

I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words.

I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

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What does "a fear of heights" and "cleaning up after anal sex" have in common?

Don't look down.

I have a debilitating fear of agoraphobics

Luckily I don’t see them out that much.

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I told my therapist I have a fear of people asking me about ejaculation

She asked “how come?”

What do you call the fear of being trapped in a chimney?

Claus-trophobia.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

How do you get over a fear of elevators?

Take some steps to avoid them.

(Sorry for the dumb joke and if it's a repost, quarantine is hard.)

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Me to my therapist: “Help, I have a crippling fear of the Grease soundtrack!”

Therapist: Tell me more, tell me more.

Me: Aaaaaaaaaaa-

Therapist: Keep talking, whoa keep talking!

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

The biggest fear of flat-Earthers...

...is sphere itself

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An East End gang boss had always been very careful with whom he employed, for fear of being grassed up...

He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. There wasn't
much of a risk that he would overhear too much. However, it quickly dawned on the boss that
someone was stealing money from him. A lot of money. And it didn't take long for him to discover it<...

I have a fear of madness.

My doctor says I am just crazy.

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My therapist says I can get over my fear of buffets.

But first I’ve got to want to help myself.

My wife asked why I carried a gun around the house. I told her : Fear of CIA.

She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon echo laughed.

I shot the echo.

I have a great fear of stairs

I just always feel they are up to something

What do you call a mountain goat with a fear of heights?

A goat

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a psychiatrist and told him I've got problems.

"Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year" said the psychiatrist. "Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to ...

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I finally got over my fear of masturbation.

It felt great.

I have an irrational fear of modern architechture

My doctor says I have a complex complex complex.

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Fear of the show friends

Me: I’m afraid of the show Friends

Therapist: Dont worry I’ll be there for you

Me: *screams*

I have a fear of numbers which aren't the ratio of two integers.

It's really irrational.

My Psychiatrist 'It seems like you have a fear of getting married. Do you know the symptoms?'

'I can't say I do.'

'Exactly. That's one of them.'

A friend has a fear of pi.

I keep telling him it's irrational, but he doesn't listen.

I have a fear of intimacy.

It’s kind of a touchy subject.

So i thought i could get over my fear of math jokes

But in the end i was 2^2 to tell it.

What is the fear of palindromes called?

Aibohphobia.







It's funny because it's true.

People said that I have irrational fear of lies.

Bu I'm afraid that is not true

We’ve been trying to organize a Fear of Commitment workshop.

But we just can’t seem to nail down a date.

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Me: I have a fear of abbreviated US state names

Therapist: OH, OK

I have an unusual fear of Semi-trucks

I guess you could call me antisemitic.

My irrational fear of moving stairs seems to be getting worse.

You might say it’s… escalating.

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I hit a wall trying to cope with my irrational fear of sex

But I eventually got over the hump

What do you call an unreasonable fear of spiders?

An Irachtional fear.

I don’t have a fear of heights

It’s just that when I’m up real high, I got a problem with gravity

The fear of germs is getting so bad...

Now they're telling us to sing Bohemian Rhapsody twice when we wash our hands.

I have a fear of long distances

I go to great lengths to avoid them.

Whoever named the irrational fear of long words,

didn't have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

Fear of Covid-19 is a wonderous thing for workers.

A wee cough gives a week off.

Fear of hospitals

Fear of hospitals isn't irrational. I went to 1 once for stomach pain and I had a kid following me ever since calling me mom!

For fear of a fate worse than death, don't look back.

Because hindsight is always 2020

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I have eurotophobia (fear of women genitalia) and my therapist tells me I should confront my fear more

But every time I try I always end up beating around the bush

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I was talking to my therapist about my irrational fear of letters.

Me: So, I'm afraid of random letters...

Therapist: You are?

Me: *Screams*

Therapist: Oh, I see...

Me: *Screaming intensifies*

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Last week I told a therapist that I was trying to overcome my fear of ghosts.

His answer left me scared since then.


"That's the spirit."

My one friend has a fear of clowns....

...so I took him to McDonald’s and now he’s not afraid anymore, but now he has a weight problem.

What do you call a fear of over-engineered buildings?

A complex complex complex

Credit to some guy named Slow Poke on YouTube

Overcoming the fear of parachuting.

A man always wanted to go skydiving, but was never able to gather the courage. He goes to the local airport and inquires about what is involved in the jump.

The manager explainxs the procedure to him -- “We are expert parachute packers, and have never had a failure. We take you up in the pl...

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A magician with a fear of negative numbers went to see a therapist

She told hin that the root of his fear was imaginary

Mathematician: Doctor, I have a fear of the irrational

Doctor: Don't worry mate, all the things u worry about are just imaginary

Mathematician: That makes it even worse!

I think im getting over my fear of ghosts

Friend: Thats the spirit!

Me: *AAAAAAAAAA*

Fear of the Dark

The recently concluded Father's Day made me recall that one time when I was a kid having trouble getting to sleep because I was afraid of the dark. My father said to me, "Son, there is nothing in the dark that isn't there when the lights are on - except for the occasional swarm of bats. So, g'night....

I have an irrational fear of warrior princesses from different places.

You could say I'm xenaphobic

I have a fear of highly sophisticated engineering constructs

It's a case of Complex Complex Complex

I have a deep-seated fear of running water.

Or any liquid with legs really.

What do you call the fear of gambling a pack of 13 cards?

Risk-a-deck-aphobia.

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[At the therapists] Man: Doc, I think I’m finally over my fear of the supernatural.

Therapist:That’s the spirit!

Man: Holy shit! Where?

Me: I'm here for medication to help with my fear of the spice girls

Doctor: we have 3 types so tell me what you want

Me[screams]

I have a fear of standing

Every time I stand up I sit myself

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Therapist: I think you have a pathological fear of getting married. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: I can’t say I do.

Therapist: Exactly!

I was recently diagnosed with a fear of all things Italian...

My psychiatrist named it "atsalottaphobia."

Have you heard about the man with an irrational fear of empty spaces?

Nothing scares him

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