Euros Jokes - 48 Hilarious Euros Jokes

A German in a Bar

A German walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender tells him : "20 euros!"

The German is shocked - "20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !"

"Well, today it is 20 euros."

\- "But why 20, damn it?"

Bar tender : "I'll explain it,

\-3 euros is beer,...

What's the capital of Greece?

About 5 euros.

Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while, he's given a day off for good behavior.

So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:

\-Is Crimea ours?

\-Yes, it is.

\-And the Donbas?

\-Also ours.

\-Kyiv?

\-We got that too.

Satisfied, he drinks and asks:

\-Thanks. How much do I owe you?

\-5 eur...

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The Irish Millionaire

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros.

"You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, "but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything i...

The majority of elderly Bulgarians keep their savings in Euro

Some of them - in two Euros

Two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14..

One day, two young brothers in Rome, aged 12 and 14, came home with a 20 and 50 euro note. Their mother asked them where they got all that money from.

"Well, we were standing outside the brothel when a guy left," said the 12-year-old. "We told him that we knew where he had been, so he asked u...

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England vs Scotland Euros 21

It is just before Scotland v England in the Euro’s Group game.

Kane goes into the English changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's impor...

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Why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft?

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more...

jokes about the war in Ukraine I heard in Romania

Putin dies and goes to hell, but a few years later he gets permission to leave hell and to visit Moscow for a day -

Goes to a pub in Moscow, orders a few drinks and asks the bartender:

Crimea is still ours ? - Yes, bartender says

Donbas is still ours ? - Yes, ours

Is Kiev...

Murphy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.

"Twenty Euros," she whispers. Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only twenty Euros. So they hid in the bushes. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a Police Officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the cop....

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A man enters a pharmacy and orders a box of Viagra

The pharmacist asks for about 10€ and gives him the meds. He opens the box, takes one, and pulls out a 500€ note to pay. The pharmacist doesn't have enough change to give him, so he offers to go to the bakery next door to get some bread and try to get the money changed and swiftly comeback.

I...

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Penguins, 20 Euros

A man had been enjoying Amsterdam and was down to his last 20 euros.

Wandering the streets he spies a sign, "Penguins 20 Euros"

"Hell yeah! I'm going to get a penguin!"

He walks in and says he would like the penguin for 20 euros. He is led upstairs into a room with the most beau...

Two women buy three pieces of cake for two Euros each

The bakery clerk says: "That makes five Euros."

One woman to the other: "You can say anything against the school system, but it is consumer-friendly."

Upon England's exit from the Euros...

Talks are beginning to emerge for a referendum from FIFA and starting their own international football governing body, in which they will be the only nation invited and will always win no matter what.

A robbery

A gypsy fortune-teller once told me:

"For 20 euros i can see your life in the palm of your hand"

I replied:

"That's a robbery! My mother goes to the hairdresser in my neighborhood, and for 10 euros she tells her everyone's life"

Note: The translation was made from ...

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Sex contest (mildly NSFW)

An Englishman and a Spaniard are in a bar in Amsterdam at midnight when they start bragging to each other about their sexual escapades. After several minutes of back and forth, the Englisman challenges the Spaniard to a contest.

"We'll go to the nearest brothel and see how many times we can ...

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The local prostitutes charge 50 euros for a hand job.

I'm saving a fortune by doing it myself.

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There's a man coming to the hotel.

He walks up to the sign-in desk and says, "Hello, can I have a room for one night?"
Yes, of course, that'il be 50 euros
Okay, and can you order food from the room?
Yes, of course, you have a phone in room and the number next to it just call and they'll bring food to your room.
Okay, and...

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An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years …

…until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop:
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 euros
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 euros
The next day, the big supermarket had a ...

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A manager goes to pay for the stay of an employee at the hotel

A manager goes to pay for the stay of an employee at a hotel.

\- All right, it will be 70 euros for the stay, said the receptionist.

\- Very well, here is the money, answered the manager.

\- Uhm, actually your employee also used our mini bar which will be another 50 euros.
...

A blonde and a lawyer on a long flight

A blonde is sitting next to a lawyer on a long flight. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer keeps waking her up. "Let's have a quiz," the lawyer suggests. "If I answer wrong, I'll pay you fifty euros. If you answer wrong, you pay me five."

The blonde agrees.

The lawyer goes first: "What'...

Driving around with my girlfriend

I was driving in the car with my girlfriend when we got pulled over by the police. The officer informed us that we were the first ones they had seen that day wearing seatbelts, and therefore we were awarded a prize of 2000 euros. The policeman was curious about what we planned to do with the money. ...

A man asks for vodka in a club(true story)

So I work at a nightclub and a guy approaches me and asks how much does a bottle of vodka cost, I replied with 80 euros.
The man then said "can I buy half a bottle for 40 euros" .
Me : no sir, but I can give it to you for free if you'd like.
Man : oh really! Are u joking!
Me : Yes, but y...

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The Portrait Artist

A local Irishman was making quite the name for himself as a portrait artist... His fees were very reasonable and the Locals kept him busy.... One day a stretch-limo pulled up and a beautiful woman exited the car.... "I will gladly pay you 10,000 Euros if you'll paint me in the nude.".... The Irishma...

Can Flemish and Dutch people understand each other?

Two Flemish men are in Holland and see a poster: "Shirts - 5 Euros". They turn to each other and say "Wow, that's cheap. Let's buy a dozen to resell them back in Belgium"

They enter the store and say, in their best possible Dutch: "We would like 10 shirts, please".

The man behind the c...

A man walks into a French bar...

and asks:

- "How much is a coke?"

- "5 bucks" answers the waiter.

- "I'll have one" answers the man while putting a 5 euros bill on the table.

- "But there's also 5 bucks for service" says the waiter

The man grumbles and adds another 5 euros bill on the table. The ...

Sand dollars aren’t in Europe right?

Because if they were wouldn’t they be called sand euros

Wife gets home, completely breathless

Husband asks what's wrong. To which she says "I saved 3 euros because I missed the bus and ran after it till I got home." The husband somewhat confused says "you could've saved 40 euros if you ran after a taxi."

Have a good night everyone.

An Austrian government official was given the task to find a contractor for a construction project.

The first to reply was an Italian company which offered to do the work for a million Euros. Then a German company made a bid of two millions. Finally, an Austrian contractor came to the official and said he would need four millions to do the job.

"Why do you need four million Euros?" asked th...

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Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM

You have 2...

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A woman always has a visit from her lover while her husband is at work.

One day the nine-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what the two are doing ... Suddenly the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet.

The son whispers: "Dark in here ..."

The man: "Oh... it's you! Ehm... yes, you are right. It is dark in here."

The s...

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A man backpacking in Europe...

Comes across a small village with no modern technology. It's starting to get dark so he asks a villager if he can stay the night. The villager agrees.

As the night goes on, the man gets bored and asks the villager if there is any way he can have a good time. *Wink wink*

The villager sa...

Firefighters

One night outside a small town in Southern Ireland, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. In the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company presi...

US currency types were having a contest to see who could accrue the most of another country’s currency

Nickels managed to stack up a lot of Euros and beat Quarters who only managed to pile up a few. Dimes did alright for themselves too but none of them bragged about how well they were doing because they knew that their smallest denomination friends were volatile and when confronted with bragging when...

A German sneaks into a swiss bank:

"I want to invest one million euros." he whispers.

The banker says: "You can talk aloud, poverty is no shame in Switzerland."

An Arab student studying in Europe phones his dad

Dad: How's your life going son?

Son: It's going well, Dad.

Dad: Is something wrong? You don't sound happy.

Son: No Dad, everything's fine. Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here

Dad: Son, tell me the truth. I know something's not right.,

So...

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A woman visits her mother and tell her she's divorcing her husband.

The mother replies:

But why? Your husband is super kind, good looking and is a millionaire. You're living in a castle, you're driving a rolls royce, you even have butlers!

Yes mother, but he is obsessed with anal sex. Everyday ha wants to put it in my ass.

Before i met him my as...

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Why does a man's penis have a knob at the end?

The Italians spent 20 million euro on research, discussed it with 2 million woman, and conclude it is for the pleasure of the woman when men are making passionate love to them.

The French spent 40 million euro on research, discussed it with 4 million men and we conclude it is for the pleasure...

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One evening on the outskirts of London

a millionaire Englishman was walking with his dog when suddenly a Pakistani came out of the bushes and fired three shots and killed his dog.

Surprised and shocked, the Englishman said: "Why did you do that ?"

Pakistani: *"Your wife gave me 5000 Euros and said Kill the son of a bitch"*...

Three Finns are out fishing on lake Päijänne

One of them catches a large sturgeon but as he pulls the sturgeon on board their little rowing boat it starts talking:
"Please my good men, set me free again and I will grant each of you a wish!".

The Finnish anglers agrees to release the fish and once gently back in the water, the fish as...

What's a Grecian urn?

About 780 euros a month.

An englishman a scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar

The welshman isn't there because he's still at the euros

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A jew sees an opportunity to earn easy money

In advertisement on a wall, a jobless Russian offers a great deal, he claim to cure anyone of any condition for a mere 5000 euro, and if he fail he promises to pay 10 000 euro back . A passing jew sees this opportunity, and decides to earn some easy money and so he enters the building..

J...

A granddad walks up to a priest to make a confession...

A granddad walks up to a priest to make a confession.

\- Dear Father, forgive me for I have sinned - I hid a jewish family in my cellar during the war.
\- But this isn't a sin, in fact you have done a god thing!
\- But father, I charged them 100 euros per week!
\- Well yo...

Gorilla

A gorilla dies of old age in a zoo in the morning just before opening. It is the only gorilla in the zoo, as they are not very profitable.
However, the gorilla is by far their most popular attraction, and they cannot afford to spend a single day without it. Therefore, the zoo owner asks one o...

Going to Greece on holiday

So I was planning on going to Greece on holiday this summer, I call the hotel to make a reservation, the guy says it's a nice hotel, close to the beach, a nice swimming pool and that it's going to be 3000 Euros. I tell them that's a bit too much for my budget and they said I can rent it for 60 Euros...

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Too expensive!

A French farmer takes his wife to travel to Paris. While his wife rented a hotel and put suitcase, he went for a walk. A prostitute approached: - Honey, will you come with me? - How much? - One hundred euros! - Too expensive! - If you like cheap then go find others, the prostitute said and left. ...

A man walks into a bar

He says "four beers and four large vodkas, please"

The barman pours the drinks and sets them all out on the bar. The man drinks them one after the other - beer, vodka, beer, vodka.

The barman says "Sir, you're really drinking those fast, hadn't you better slow down?"

The man say...

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