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Dyson Jokes

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I got my testicles trapped in a dyson

Now we're both bagless.

Dyson

**I'm writing this from the hospital, I'm going to be OK, but a word of warning, the Dyson ball cleaner has a very misleading name.**

I just want to say the Dyson Ball vacuum cleaner is tragically misnamed

and don't even get me started on the crevice tool.

So i just came back from the ER..

I don’t want to bore you with details, but the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a dangerously misleading name.

I’m currently writing this from the hospital.

But don’t worry! Doctors said I should be fine. However, I feel I should warn you that “Dyson Ball Cleaner” has a very misleading name.

Dyson is planning to release an electric car by 2020...

I bet they'll suck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend bet me I couldn't piss in a Dyson Airblade

Boy, did that blow up in my face.

I just got fired from my job at Dyson.

My design for a new hoover didn't work.

I don't know what their problem is, when they asked me to design it they told me, "just make sure it doesn't suck!"

Just got back from the ER and I'd like to reassure you guys that I'll be all right after a couple of days on pain relief.

But I just thought I'd warn you that the Dyson ball cleaner is really misleadingly named.

What’s the most infanticidal vacuum cleaner?

A Dyson

What's the boxer that cleans his house the most?

Mike Dyson

You want to know my opinion on the Dyson airblade?

Not a fan

I think the Dysons in washrooms these days are pretty cool

But I have to say, they're the messiest urinals I've ever used.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Men are Captured by Female Savages!

They are told their dicks would be removed in a manner appropriate to their jobs.

The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.

The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.

The third man started laughing. The females asked what was so funny, and he replied, "...

Before my abusive father left, he was really enthusiastic about vacuuming

He would always say "Whenever I look at your face I want you to Dyson"

Last night the Grim Reaper came for me, but I managed to beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with Death.

What did the father say when he was killing his kid with a vacuum?

Dyson.

My son asked me, "What happens to the spiders that gets hoovered up?"

"They Dyson."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a sweet little spider...

There once was a sweet little spider

who thought a dark corner would hide her.

Whilst a fly she was shucking

A dyson came sucking

Was I sad? No 'cause fuck little spiders.

The knife that Abraham used to kill Isaac has been found in Britain.

Apparently, it was a Dyson.

Boris Johnson has just tested positive for corona virus.

He’s been placed on the new Dyson ventilator we are pleased to say he’s picking up nicely.

I’m an Anti-vax and I don’t care what you think.

They are absolutely the worst brand of vacuum cleaner. Dyson all the way for me!

Whats the last thing your father says before killing you with a vacuum cleaner?

Dyson

Your dad does the vacuuming in boxing gloves

Calls himself Dyson Fury

I’m making a film about killer vacumes

It’s called Dyson with Death

Asked my mum what she’d like for her birthday.

“I wanna Dyson.” She said excitedly.


So that's why is smothered her with a pillow, your honour

I went to see the doctor yesterday as I wasn’t feeling too good after emptying my bagless vacuum cleaner

He told me I might actually dyson.

I’m an Anti-vax and I don’t care what you think.

I’m sick and tired of seeing people who are anti-vax getting bullied on social media. We have good reasons to feel this way and simply bad mouthing us or attacking us is not going to change our mind. We will not be silenced.

I for sure will never have one again. No chance, no matter what you ...

My parents raised me anti-Vax.

They always preferred Dyson.

Who invented the sucker punch?

Mike Dyson

A physicist moved from the country to the noise of the inner city...

And found the noise there insufferable. But, being a man of science he lined the walls of his apartment with broken Hoover's, Dirt Devil's, and Dyson's, because sound can't travel through a Vacuum.

Just Spent 3 hours in the Emergency room......

.... the Dyson Ball vacuum has a VERY misleading name........

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christmas eve pet store purchase

A guy frantically runs to the pet store on christmas eve and go's up to the owner-

Guy - I'm needing a puppy for my wife for christmas. I know I've left it late but can you please help!?

Store Owner - sorry son. your shit out of luck it being christmas eve n all, the cute pets are all ...

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