UPJOKE
dandymankidbroguysbeausheikswellgallantbusterfellowadult malefellaheyredneck

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Two dudes with matching black eyes...

Two dudes with matching black eyes spot each other in a bar.

One man approaches the other and says, "I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours. How'd you get the black eye?"

The man responds, "It was a terrible mistake, really. I was trying to take the train to Pittsburgh this morni...

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Three dudes show up at the Pearly Gates to get into heaven. St. Peter asks them how they died...

The first guy says, "I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, and a fuckin' storage trunk fell out of the sky and crushed me to death!"

The second guy says, "I came home early from work, and my wife was in bed all sweaty and breathless. I'd been suspecting she was cheatin...

A guy is at a talent show and says, “just to make sure everything is working, if your name is Michael please stand up”. Then, a couple of dudes stand up and he says,

“that concludes the mike check”.

Two dudes are in a Radio room. Guy 1 says there's this ticking noise.

guy 2 asks what frequency?

Guy 1 Says Frequent

3 Dudes were riding a motorbike

A police officer stops them and asks them,

Officer: Hey, 3 fellows arent allowed on a single motorbike. The limit is 2.

Guy driving the motorbike: WTF!!! where's the 4th Guy!?!?!??!

Three dudes go hunting.

The first morning, hunter #1 heads out into the woods. He’s gone for like an hour, and comes back dragging a handsome 10-point buck.

“How’d you find it?” ask the other two.

“Well, I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and soon enough, BLAM, out of nowhere there’s this deer!...

Why Trojans are a terrible brand name

Trojans are a terrible name for a brand of condoms. Here's why: when you think of Trojans you think of the Trojan Horse. What's the Trojan Horse do? It sneaks past your defenses, then in the middle of the night it breaks open and a whole bunch of little dudes come spilling out of it. That's exactly ...

These two dudes are lost in a stolen airplane, one said he was a pilot but who knows, anyway they need to land this hot airplane somewhere before they get low on gas

They're freaking out when all of the sudden they see a runway.

The guy on the controls says "There's the runway, bro!"

Other guy is like "Oh man I don't know that runway looks really short, dude."

The guy flying is like "No bro that is definitely a runway let's do this"
...

FTM dudes be like: “I’m not a coffee guy…”

“I’m a T guy.”

Screw dudes who throw cigarettes into urinals

Makes them so difficult to re-light.

Chris Rock was so lucky..

That all the other dudes banging Jada didn’t rush the stage

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Two dudes discuss another dude's sister, who has a rare congenital condition.

\- Haven't you heard, she has no vagina!

\- No fucking way!

\- That's right!

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[Almost a real story] My middle school friends and I, when we were in middle school, were talking about our wet dreams. everyone was having a good time talking about the naughty stuff, but my friend Hassan was all quiet and unamused. Later he came to me and said that he wants my thought.

\- So what's up Hassan?

\+ Ali all the guys are having wet dreams and I am not. Am I sick or something?

\- I don't think so. but there must be a reason that you don't. tell me, Do you fap?

\+ Of course I fap.

\- Do you fap a lot...?

\+ not really. once or twice...

Saw a guy being beaten up by 4 dudes

I went to go help. He didn’t stand a chance against the 5 of us.

One of the most Charismatic Dudes I know made an Absolutely Lousy Presentation on Photography.

Turns out what I learned in biology still holds true: Fun guys just don't do photo synthesis.

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3 Ugly Dudes

3 ugly guys were sick and tired of being ugly so they went to see a witch and ask for her advice.

The witch instructs the three to go to one specific bridge, jump off of it and while falling, yell how they want to look like. They could even simply name any celebrity and look like them.
...

How dudes gonna talk about a motherboard

When they don’t even know their daddyboard

How do you greet a room full of naked dudes?

Hiya phallus!

Fiction Logic: How many anime dudes does it take to change a lightbulb

One...

But it takes them 10 god damn episodes.

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What do you call 12 naked dudes sitting on each other's shoulders?

A scrotum pole.

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Two dudes are just hanging out

Dude 1 says "if you went camping and woke up with your pants around your ankles and semen coming out of ur ass, would you tell anyone?"

Dude 2 "No"

Dude 1 "You wanna go camping?"

Guy gets sent to prison. 1st night, someone yells 39, whole prison laughs. Next night, someone yells 2, prison again erupts in laughter. Guy asks lifer what gives. Lifer explains there’s a joke book, been passed around for years. Dudes memorize # & corresponding joke. Guy gets book & memorizes a few

That night he yells, 24!!! Nothing...

Next night, 9!! Crickets

He asks the lifer the next day what’s happening...

Lifer says: some people just can’t tell jokes

A trucker walks into a truck stop to get dinner one night.

Well, as he's sitting there, enjoying his meal, three biker dudes roar up and storm inside.

The first dude spits in the trucker's milk. The second one grabs the trucker's dinner and stuffs it in his face. And the third one yells "You wanna piece of this? Huh? HUH?" and shadowboxes,

S...

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Someone showed me a porn movie with 2 dudes and one girl and said that it's called threesome

I said it's a DVD

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