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Dudes Jokes

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An american dude, A French dude, and a Japanese dude barely survive a shipwreck...

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive.
The American dude says: Well, I am a carpenter by trade, so I'll build us a shelter.
The French dude says: Ho-hoh! Yers trulee eez the greatest chef ever! I shall make grand meals to feed us...

Saw a guy being beaten up by 4 dudes

I went to go help. He didn’t stand a chance against the 5 of us.

LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS “Before I begin, I want to make sure this mic is working”

“If your name is Michael, please stand up”

Then a couple dudes stand up

And he goes “That concludes the mike check”



stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi

I saw two blind dudes fighting the other day...

.. and I yelled "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!"


Both of them ran away.

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench

One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.

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3 Ugly Dudes

3 ugly guys were sick and tired of being ugly so they went to see a witch and ask for her advice.

The witch instructs the three to go to one specific bridge, jump off of it and while falling, yell how they want to look like. They could even simply name any celebrity and look like them.
...

Three dudes go hunting.

The first morning, hunter #1 heads out into the woods. He’s gone for like an hour, and comes back dragging a handsome 10-point buck.

“How’d you find it?” ask the other two.

“Well, I followed the tracks and I followed the tracks and soon enough, BLAM, out of nowhere there’s this deer!...

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Two dudes with matching black eyes...

Two dudes with matching black eyes spot each other in a bar.

One man approaches the other and says, "I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours. How'd you get the black eye?"

The man responds, "It was a terrible mistake, really. I was trying to take the train to Pittsburgh this morni...

What do you call a line up of dudes picking up mozzarella cheese

A cheesy pickup line

3 Dudes were riding a motorbike

A police officer stops them and asks them,

Officer: Hey, 3 fellows arent allowed on a single motorbike. The limit is 2.

Guy driving the motorbike: WTF!!! where's the 4th Guy!?!?!??!

Screw dudes who throw cigarettes into urinals

Makes them so difficult to re-light.

Chris Rock was so lucky..

That all the other dudes banging Jada didn’t rush the stage

What unit of measurement do you use to weigh bones?

Skele tons!
Stay spooky my dudes

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What do you call 12 naked dudes sitting on each other's shoulders?

A scrotum pole.

What rock group has 4 dudes that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

How dudes gonna talk about a motherboard

When they don’t even know their daddyboard

Two dudes are in a Radio room. Guy 1 says there's this ticking noise.

guy 2 asks what frequency?

Guy 1 Says Frequent

FTM dudes be like: “I’m not a coffee guy…”

“I’m a T guy.”

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Two dudes are just hanging out

Dude 1 says "if you went camping and woke up with your pants around your ankles and semen coming out of ur ass, would you tell anyone?"

Dude 2 "No"

Dude 1 "You wanna go camping?"

How many suh dudes does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It’s already lit fam

Two dudes are smoking pot

One tells another:

-Dude, I think this pot is making me stupid, I should quit.

Second guy responds:

-No, dude it's the other way round, you're becoming smarter and realising that you're an idiot.

The joke is originally in Georgian, this is a translation.

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Three dudes show up at the Pearly Gates to get into heaven. St. Peter asks them how they died...

The first guy says, "I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, and a fuckin' storage trunk fell out of the sky and crushed me to death!"

The second guy says, "I came home early from work, and my wife was in bed all sweaty and breathless. I'd been suspecting she was cheatin...

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A guy was walking through the woods, and finds a lamp on the ground, he picks it up and rubs it and a genie comes out.

The dude goes "Whoa! A Genie!" And the genie looking really bored is like, "Alright go ahead, you got 2 wishes.." The dudes like, "Only 2? I thought everyone gets 3? What kind of bullshit genie are you?" And the genie says, "Look in your pants." And the guy does and says "Holy crap! My dick is huge!...

Two dudes at a table.

Dude 1: Hey Bro.
Dude 2: What's up Bro?
Dude 1: Can you hand me that pamphlet bro?
Dude 2: Brochure.

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My coworker came up to me yesterday and said he had a question for me

He asked, “Imagine you walk into a room with 50 naked dudes. How many of their penises would you choke on?”

“What the hell?” I reply “None of them!”

“Oh so you’re a professional?”

Two high dudes meet...

"What's your name?"
"Jack without a V."
"There's no V in Jack."
"That's what I just said."

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Why are cheap dudes picky on prostitutes?

Because they want the best bang for their buck.

What’s a sus dudes favorite pair of shoes?

SKETCHers

2 dudes are talking to each other

"A surgeon accidentally removed the left side of my body yesterday..."

"Oh wow that sucks are you all right?"

"Actually no, there's almost nothing left of me now."

"Hey dude, we should look at the bRight side."

"... That just wasn't even funny."

"Yeah, you're right...

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Three dudes sneak into a barn

So, three dudes sneak into a barn, and they're forced to sleep on the same haystack.
The morning after, the dude on the left says, "I had a dream that I was getting the best handjob!"
The dude on the right says, "Holy shit, I had the same dream!" The dude in the middle goes,"I dreamt that I ...

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2 dudes walk into a bar....

half way through drinking they realize that they dont have money.

guy 1 pulls out a hot dog and say I have a idea. they start to "play" with the hot dog.

the bartender wasn't having any of it and kicked them out.

guys 2 thought to go to a couple more bars and they keep pulling t...

A group of dudes are walking through the park

They see a young pair banging in the bushes. One of the dudes can't help himself but comment:

"Hey, man, leave some for us!"

"I can't, I inserted everything."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gay bars have the most polite dudes I've ever met..

They always push in my stool for me.

How do you know Apple is run by dudes?

Because they call it the iPhone 6+ when it’s only 5.5 inches long.

I knew two dudes that died in a waterskiing accident.

They shared a wake.

Fiction Logic: How many anime dudes does it take to change a lightbulb

One...

But it takes them 10 god damn episodes.

Three blonde dudes drive into the desert

When they are in the middle of the day, their car breaks down. For their hike to town, they each decide to take one thing with them.

One blonde takes a tire. The second bloke takes a seat. The last blonde takes one of the car doors.

The first man says to the other two “I’m bringing th...

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3 dudes stranded in an island

3 dudes stranded in an island. They are trying to survive together, unfortunately, there is a cult around there and the cult captures them right away. More for their despair, the cult leader is a human eater dude who loves sick stuff.

The leader gives 3 dudes a challenge. They will let them...

Why where there two dudes in a ambulance

Cause they were a pair-a-medics

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I really hate it when homeless dudes rattle their cup of change in front of me...

...I know you have more money than me, you don’t have to be a dick about it!

These dudes are building a pub on the top of these apartments.

I don’t know why they set the bar so high.

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...

And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.


The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."

The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"




No offense anyone...hehe

Two blind dudes are fighting really viciously. How do you stop them?

You shout, “I’m betting on the dude with the knife!”

Three tough biker dudes...

...walk into a bar. They notice a skinny, bespectacled little guy sitting in the corner by himself, and decide to have some fun.

They order three beers, and one of the bikers says, "Charge these to that little runt over there in the corner." Then he calls over to the little guy, "Hey, Poind...

I want the get 99 dudes together to sing Africa by Toto

Because that's something that 100 men or more could never do.

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Someone showed me a porn movie with 2 dudes and one girl and said that it's called threesome

I said it's a DVD

What is the way two French dudes share their files electronically?

Pierre to Pierre network.

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Three religious bi-curious dudes are driving down a dark and dangerous road

As they speed along they're comparing the lewd details of their same sex encounters when they all suddenly die in terrible crash.

When they arrive at the gates of Heaven they see Saint Peter waiting for them with a welcoming smile.

As they approach Saint Peter says to the first man. "W...

I happen to know a girl who has been with several dudes during the quarantine.

She has a serious case of HOEVID-19, a new strain of Whorona Virus.

I played a cool video game with some really hammered dudes,

We were Super Smashed Bros.

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