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Suspense Jokes

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This is one of the best suspense joke I have heard.

A Father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know dad...

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The Monk Story with a great suspense.

This has really a great suspense...!!!!!


A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car....

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I’ll tell you later

I read a suspense novel about suicide.

The ending really left me hanging.

How do you keep a moron in suspense?

Anyone know? Someone asked me this when I was a kid, but they must have forgotten the punchline since they never told me.

I'm reading a new suspense thriller about a murder who strikes at EDM parties

It's by Dean Koontz Koontz Koontz Koontz Koontz

How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

Present her with a mirror. Tell her to wait for the other person to say, "Hello."

If I was a serial killer my name would be "The suspense"

So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"

And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.

Didn't see this one coming

My 7-year-old: "Knock knock"

Me: "Who's there?"

Her: "Suspense"

Me: "Suspense who?"

Not only am I the master of suspense...

...I’m also the master of disappointing endings.

I came up with a suspenseful joke about cheese...

Queso here it goes....

My friend said he knew how to keep a idiot in suspense

I'm dying to know

Schrodinger couldn't stand the suspense any longer and finally decided to open up the box after a month to see if the cat was alive or dead...

So as it turns out, curiosity did kill the cat.

Welcome to the suspense hotline.

Please hold.

What did the suspenseful man say when he finished three jobs?

Done done done!

Did you hear about the guy waiting to get hanged?

The suspense was killing him!

George R R Martin once asked Haley Joel Osment what he should add to his fantasy saga to make it more suspenseful.

Haley: "Icy dead people"

I got some friends with this old one…

First I acted like I was trying to remember a joke I just heard, said it like this: “Man, I heard a good one, goes something like this… how do you keep a group of idiots in suspense?”

Then I just shut up, and let it sink in…

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A gorilla dies of old age in a zoo

Being the only gorilla in the zoo, the zoo officials couldn't afford to lose the only attraction keeping their failing zoo business afloat.

So they immediately decided to hire one of the zookeepers for an extra $100/day to wear the gorilla costume they have in storage and pretend to be the g...

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A Man Walks Into the Neigbourhood Bar

He goes in and orders a drink for himself. He notices an attractive lady sitting by herself a couple tables away. Too attractive for someone of his own league, he thinks to himself.

Halfway through too many drinks though, he ends up plucking up enough courage and approaches her. "May I sit do...

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Mercedes for Sale @ $1

Someone put up this advertisement.
No one believed it, but one old man responded and went to see the car.
The Lady actually sold him a Mercedes, which had done just 12,000 kms, for $1.
She handed him the papers and the Car keys. Deal done.

As the old man was leaving, he said "I would...

Travel Guru

As a travel guru I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you ha...

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WW1 as a bar fight...

Serbia is walking across the bar with a beer in his hand. He bumps into Austria, and spills some beer on his pant leg. Austria is furious, and demands Serbia pay for an entire suit. Serbia can't afford this, so he offers to pay for the dry cleaning.

They argue, Russia tells Austria to back o...

I don't know what's going to happen now that I have hung myself

The suspense is killing me

One you’ll never get

How do you keep a Reddit member in suspense?

An experienced mountain guide leads a tourist from the big town trough a narrow cliff.

The tourist annoys the guide with dozends of questions. The guide swallows his pride and paitiently answers all the questions the tourist has. Finally they reach a spot the guide has the tourist on suspense on a long rope.

"Oh it´s deep here" the tourist says.

"Yep, always was" the gui...

A Blonde goes to Heaven

(found this on an old PC, I was clearing out..)

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of godly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Ex...

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