Cleavage Jokes - 47 Hilarious Cleavage Jokes

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Bloke goes into a pub, and the barmaid asks what he wants. "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits" he says....

...."You dirty pig!" shouts the barmaid, "get out before I get my husband."

The bloke apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe. The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants. "I want to pull your pants down, spread yoghurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it al...

What do you call the cleavage between breast implants?

Silicon Valley

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Husband and wife

Her: Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?

Him: "No" said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar Bill...

A guy wakes up from a coma.

His doctor asks him what he remembers.
- All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. She had a beautiful cleavage and i couldn't stop staring at it. She then looked at me and told me "Can you please press one?".

Cleavage is like the sun

You can look but don’t stare unless you’re wearing sunglasses

Cleavage

Something you can look down upon and approve of at the same time.

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The sight of a woman's cleavage reduces a man's ability to think clearly by 50 %

Per boob.

What does time and cleavage have in comon?

Some people have more some have less, but if you squeeze them, you definitely get more.

What do you call a turkey that shows too much cleavage?

A fowl temptress.

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What did Einstein discover staring at his cousin's cleavage?

The 'Theory of Relative- Titty.'

What did a hot young girl with cleavage do?

Made you look!

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If the space between a woman's natural breasts is called "cleavage,"...

Then the space between a woman's fake breasts must be the Silicone Valley?

Why doesn't Lilly from AT&T commercials show any cleavage?

Because AT&T has the best coverage

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My lord, my client is a liftman and this complainant walked in the elevator wearing low cleavage blouse showing ample amount of her breasts"

"Then she caught him checking at them and said angrily

'Stop staring at them and press one quickly ' .

And my client did exactly that. I rest my case ".

A young nurse is serving lunch at a retirement home

Her shirt reveals some cleavage, and a small rose tattooed on one breast. One old lady snickers to her friend, "She doesn't know it yet, but by the time she's our age that will be a long-stemmed rose."

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A dude gets stranded on a deserted isle all alone....

Six months later, a woman walks out of the ocean in a wet suit. She's gorgeous.

She strolls up and says, "Want a scotch on ice?"

The guy is dumbfounded and nods yes.

She unzips the wet suit a little and pulls out a flask, ice and a glass. She makes a Walker over ice.

She ...

Daughter asks her father if she is showing too much cleavage.

Father replies:"If you don't have chest hair, then yes."

A woman is shopping for a dress

She tries one on but thinks the cleavage might be too deep so she asks a employee of the shop

-"excuse me do you think this cleavage is too dEep?"

-"Do you have chest hair?"

-"No of course not !"

-"Well than the cleavage is too deep."

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TIFU by not wanting to get a boner

Obligatory this happened yesterday.

So I was sitting on the train in front of this beautiful Thai girl. Nice cleavage, short skirt and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen in my life.

I started feeling blood rushing to my man parts, as I was praying "please don't get a boner, please ...

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A man loses his penis in an industrial accident

Through the wonders of modern medicine, plastic surgeons are able to reconstruct his penis using tissue from an elephant’s trunk. After a full year of recovery and therapy, he’s finally cleared to use his new penis

So he takes his beautiful girlfriend out for a nice meal at a fancy restauran...

How do geologists get their rocks off?

By breaking them and staring at the resulting cleavage!

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A young man is in need of a job,

And he looks through the classifieds to see what's available. He finds an ad from a farmer in need of some extra hands, so the man calls up the farmer and agrees to meet the next day to see what work he'd be doing.

The farmer greets him at the gate and begins to show the young man around. Fir...

"Cleanliness" is next to "godliness." No, it's not...

"Cleanliness" is next to "cleavage." And "godliness" is next to "goggles."

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A guy walks into a bar

He saw a sign that reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender. She slinks over and leans over the bar, revealing her ample cleavage.

"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.

"Yes...

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A woman's been complaining to her husband about her weight...

She says "I've been putting on weight but my boobs haven't been growing!"

He goes and grabs some toilet paper and says "here, try rubbing this in your cleavage"

She looks at him puzzled and says "how is this going to help?"

He replies, "Well look what it's done to your ass!"

Why wasn't the geologist hungry?

He lost his apatite.

I know that joke has its faults, so I'll just accept my pumicement and go back to looking at cleavage.

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The Nightgown.

An old, boring married couple of 40 years were getting ready for bed. The wife felt as though her husband hasn't recently been noticing her the way he used to and wanted to do something out of the ordinary to see if he would notice. She decided that this evening she would put on the same nightgown s...

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Pierre the famous French fighter pilot

Pierre was the most famous fighter pilot in all of France.
When he returned to the small village of his birth, he was received as a hero. All men wanted to be him and all women wanted to be with him.
In the busy market place he spotted a beautiful girl, grabbed her by the waste and whispered i...

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A husband wife go to the zoo.

They come across a gorilla. The man asks his wife to be a little flirty and blow a kiss to the gorilla. She does and the animal instantly gets excited, eyes wide open and stands up immediately. The wife likes it and so does the husband.

Then he asks her to be a little more daring and show th...

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A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes.

A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes. As she's trying on clothes, she proudly announces to the person at the fitting room "I'm buying new dresses because I just lost a bunch of weight, guess how much I weigh now!" The employee ...

A Guy Walks into a Sandwich Shop

A guy walks into a sandwich shop on his lunch hour. There is no one behind the counter, so he has a bit more time than normal to look at the menu board. Trying to decide what he wants, he reads down the list:

Salami : $5
Roast beef: $4.50
Ham on Rye: $4.50
Hand Jobs: $5

Wait,...

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Sexy Neighbor

A guy is talking to his buddy one day and he tells him "man, there's this new girl that moved in next door. She's drop dead gorgeous, but I can't go talk to her because every time I see her I get a raging boner. Rock hard every time I get a glimpse of her. I can't go talk to her like that, she would...

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A woman is at the checkout line in the grocery store...

And notices the bag boy is a real stud. Thick muscles under his smock, but his gorgeous blue eyes looked bored above his chiseled jaw. She slyly undid her top button to show some cleavage, but he never looked her way. Finally she purrs out a request for him to carry the bags to her car.
As they...

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Irish Whiskey

A man walked into a pub, took a seat, and when the barmaid asked him what he wanted he replied, "I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat between your luscious breasts".
"You bloody degenerate!", the barmaid shouted, "Get out before I fetch my husband!"

The man apologize...

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Nipped In The Nuts

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure, an extremely beautiful nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. The man is going almost crazy with lust for this perfect specimen, in her tight white starched uniform, her come-hither smil...

Beads of sweat were running down her cleavage. Her breathing was hot and heavy.

She moaned as she gained momentum by rocking her hips harder and harder, preparing for the final climactic effort she knew was coming soon. Then, in one final full-body thrust, it was all over, and she breathed a deep sigh of relief and satisfaction. It's always a struggle when the wife gets up off ...

What Roses Drink?

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.

She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?

"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher.

"Wow!" Joh...

So man is stranded in the desert...

And it's been a cruel trip with nothing but his camel and some supplies. And just as any man would he got some urges. Figuring its the middle of no where and he had nothing to lose he positions himself behind his camel and tries to have his way with it. But each time he'd try the camel would gallop ...

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Destination Pittsburgh

Three priests were heading to Pittsburgh. The youngest priest, knowing he was most connected to the secular world, offered to get the tickets.

Upon arriving at the counter, the noticed the cashier was wearing a low low top and a short short skirt. His heart fluttered a moment...

“Yes ...

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Two guys who both have a black eye are sitting next to each other on an airplane...

Two guys who both have a black eye happen to sit next to each other on an airplane. So the one guy asks the other: "How come you have a black eye?"

Well you see, I had this family emergency and did not have time to buy a ticket, so I went to the airport hoping to buy one at the counter. Whe...

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lucky mailman

after 20 years on the job the local postman is about to retire and on this last scheduled delivery run he finds himself beset with thankful friends and neighbours, all of whom show their appreciation of his years of service. loaded down with gift baskets, wine, flowers and thank you cards he reaches...

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A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh

A pastor is headed to Pittsburgh for a convention with his associate preacher and they decide to take the train.

At the station, the pastor tells his associate to have a seat while he purchases their tickets.

After standing in line at the ticket counter for an extended period of time...

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This is as good a day as any to post this old one...

An older catholic priest is sweeping up between the pews after mass when a very attractive scantily clad young woman rushes into the church. She is visibly upset as she runs up to the priest, holding her face in her hands and sobbing.

Although the priest noticed her ample physique and skim...

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An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon....

An out of work pianist with Tourette's Syndrome was strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one sunny afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window: 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fucking get in there you cunt!" he says to himself...

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Women's English vs. Men's English

**Women's English**

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = I need to complain
7. Sure, go ahead = I don't want you to
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not u...

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The Booby Licking Bartender

A man sat down at a bar just a few seats away from a beautiful blond showing a lot of cleavage and ordered a beer.

The bartender filled a mug and slid it down the bar, but it hit the lady's chest and splashed beer on her breasts. The bartender retrieved the mug, gave it to the man, and then l...

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Leprechauns do exist

A man walks into the men's bathroom to take a piss. Low and behold, after a few seconds into relieving himself a very short man walks in and begins peeing in the urinal next to him. Curious about the little fellow, the man looks over the wall separator and tries to get a glimpse of the smaller man's...

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