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Decked Jokes

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thin...

Well,I Decked the Halls today...

They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!

A huge bloke decked in full hunting gear and with an entire dead wildebeest over his shoulder made his way to Nairobi airport.

As he approached the desk the airline attendant noted the wildebeest carcass but more alarmingly noticed that the suitcase he was dragging was bulging sporadically and clearly contained something large and very much alive. Feeling slightly nervous but determined to do his job the attendant challeng...

The cars in the next Fast & Furious movie are going to be really decked out.

*HUGE SPOILERS!"

An English man of war was a three-decked warship. A Spanish man of war was a galleon.

But the Portuguese man of war is a jellyfish.

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

Texans fan

A guy goes into a Houston bar with a Dachshund under his arm. The dog is decked out in a Texans jersey and helmet and is festooned with Texans pompoms.

The bartender says, "Hey! No pets allowed in here!"
The guy begs him, "Please we're both big Texans fans and the TV at my house is broken....

An elderly woman was very proud of her four-month-old grandson.....

so she took him with her down to Miami Beach. The first morning she got him all decked out, and down they went to the beach, where she set him by the shore to play. But no sooner had she sat down in her beach chair than a huge tidal wave rose up and swept the baby away.

“God,” she said, stand...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband and wife of want to spice up their stale sex life.

They want to try BDSM for the first time. So one afternoon, the husband comes home from work, heads upstairs to the bedroom to change, and finds his wife spread out on the bed decked out in bondage gear and lingerie. Without skipping a beat the husband gets undressed and leans down and asks her in a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Snowmobile repair

There wasn't a lot of business at Chester's Snowmobile and Small Engine Repair in Kodiak, Alaska. Chester decided to close early on a Thursday to go home and open a bottle of wine.

Just as he was clicking off the "Open" sign, he heard a rumbling clatter in the distance. He stepped out front...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven Rides

*Note: I heard this joke from my dad who heard it from his grandmother, so if this isn't as good as it should be sorry.

3 guy friends (no homo) die and go to heaven, where together they are asked questions by St. Peter. After passing all questions,
St. Peter asks, "so far you have done we...

Did you hear about that guy who got knocked out by a porch?

He was decked!

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