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Fidel Castro Jokes

Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents

Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States

-Eisenhower

-Kennedy

-Johnson

-Nixon

-Ford

-Carter

-Reagan

-Bush

-Clinton

-GW Bush

-Obama

But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump

Fidel Castro is dead

Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts

But even he could not survive 2016

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell.

There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell.

There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. “What’s it like in there?” asks Fidel. “Well,” the d...

CIA finally succeeded in killing Fidel Castro

Using the innovative 'Old age' technique

When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like Fidel Castro ...

... not screaming in terror, like his victims.

What do you call Fidel Castro cheating on a partner?

In-Fidel Castro

Castro joke I got from Cuban family members

Fidel Castro dies and because he thinks he is so great he goes to heaven. Once past the gates though, Saint Peter stops him and throws him out being the the watchful eye he is. In hell, the devil meets castro and gives him a warm welcome and tells his demons to get Castro's bags and bring them to hi...

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

Fidel Castro is dead

Trump don't mess about.

Fidel Castro was a Muslim

Otherwise he would have been called "Infidel".

Fidel Castro just passed away...

...I suppose Black Friday was too MUCH capitalism for him.

Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition.

Close, but no cigar.

Fidel Castro died and went to heaven.

When he arrived there, Jesus said that his place was in hell.

Arriving there, Fidel was received with honors by Satan.

In a certain moment, he remembered he had forgotten his baggage in Heaven and he wanted to look for them but Satan said to him: "Stay here, I will send two little demo...

Fidel Castro Dies and Goes to Heaven

Castro finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see him. He says, "Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life, how did you get here?"

Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heave...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."
He ignores it and carries on with the speech.
He hears the same thing, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."

Fidel gets frustrated...

Fidel Castro Dies on Black Friday

Adam Smith: 1
Karl Marx: 0

Fidel Castro survived assassination attempts, coups, plagues....

....but was like, "Nah, I can't do a Trump world. Good luck y'all, I'm out."

Q: What do Fidel Castro and Harambe have in common?

A: They're both dead gorillas.

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.

Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/...

Fidel Castro is making a speech on television.

At the five-hour mark, he says, "look at all the poverty in America! In Havana everyone has an apartment, but in Miami there are people sleeping on park benches!"

The next day a classified ad appears in the Havana paper: "WANTED TO TRADE: two-bedroom apartment in Havana for park bench in Miam...

Fidel Castro just died, Cubans can be finally happy that their country will be ruled by the young generation led by a much younger leader.

His 85 year old brother!

The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years.

Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.

One Last Humiliation: The CIA Just Bungled An Attempt To Drop A Piano On Fidel Castro’s Funeral Procession

Luckily, It only cost them a grand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Cuban immigrant is dying

and he asks his nurse "Please take me back to Cuba, I want to kiss the Cuban flag for one last time before I die". The nurse replies " We can't take you there, but I will get you the next best thing". She pulls down her pants and so it happens that she is wearing underwear with the Cuban flag printe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

What's Fuzzy, Smokes, and Comes in Cubes?

Fidel Castro.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last Wish

There was a man in a hospital who thought that he would die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish. "Nurse," he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Kruschev." (you know a president of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head).
"Nikita Kruschev? But he's been ...

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