What do you call Fidel Castro cheating on a partner?

In-Fidel Castro

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An old Cuban immigrant is dying

and he asks his nurse "Please take me back to Cuba, I want to kiss the Cuban flag for one last time before I die". The nurse replies " We can't take you there, but I will get you the next best thing". She pulls down her pants and so it happens that she is wearing underwear with the Cuban flag printe...

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iBoob

Apple announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men s...

Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.

Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

What do you call Fidel Castro's yacht?

A dictatorship

When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like Fidel Castro ...

... not screaming in terror, like his victims.

Fidel Castro is dead

Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts

But even he could not survive 2016

CIA finally succeeded in killing Fidel Castro

Using the innovative 'Old age' technique

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents

Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States

-Eisenhower

-Kennedy

-Johnson

-Nixon

-Ford

-Carter

-Reagan

-Bush

-Clinton

-GW Bush

-Obama

But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump

It's Havana, Cuba and there's a shortage of food.

A local family is wondering what to do for dinner, their parrot overheard and asks:

"What about fried parrot?"

The mom says: "There's no oil"

"How about roasted parrot?"

"There's no electricity to turn the oven on"

"And parrot over rice?"

The mother says "T...

Q: What do Fidel Castro and Harambe have in common?

A: They're both dead gorillas.

Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition.

Close, but no cigar.

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.

Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/...

Fidel Castro died and went to heaven.

When he arrived there, Jesus said that his place was in hell.

Arriving there, Fidel was received with honors by Satan.

In a certain moment, he remembered he had forgotten his baggage in Heaven and he wanted to look for them but Satan said to him: "Stay here, I will send two little demo...

Fidel Castro just passed away...

...I suppose Black Friday was too MUCH capitalism for him.

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell.

There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell.

There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. “What’s it like in there?” asks Fidel. “Well,” the d...

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Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."
He ignores it and carries on with the speech.
He hears the same thing, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."

Fidel gets frustrated...

Fidel Castro just died, Cubans can be finally happy that their country will be ruled by the young generation led by a much younger leader.

His 85 year old brother!

Fidel Castro Dies and Goes to Heaven

Castro finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see him. He says, "Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life, how did you get here?"

Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heave...

Fidel Castro Dies on Black Friday

Adam Smith: 1
Karl Marx: 0

The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years.

Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.

Fidel Castro survived assassination attempts, coups, plagues....

....but was like, "Nah, I can't do a Trump world. Good luck y'all, I'm out."

I'm opening a store that only sells vaults for storing valuable items and high fidelity audio equipment

It's called Safe and Sound.

Fidel Castro was a Muslim

Otherwise he would have been called "Infidel".

One Last Humiliation: The CIA Just Bungled An Attempt To Drop A Piano On Fidel Castro’s Funeral Procession

Luckily, It only cost them a grand.

Fidel Castro is making a speech on television.

At the five-hour mark, he says, "look at all the poverty in America! In Havana everyone has an apartment, but in Miami there are people sleeping on park benches!"

The next day a classified ad appears in the Havana paper: "WANTED TO TRADE: two-bedroom apartment in Havana for park bench in Miam...

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A Polish man moved to America and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following ...

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How would a Muslim describe Castro's gay, atheist lover?

In Fidel.

Castro joke I got from Cuban family members

Fidel Castro dies and because he thinks he is so great he goes to heaven. Once past the gates though, Saint Peter stops him and throws him out being the the watchful eye he is. In hell, the devil meets castro and gives him a warm welcome and tells his demons to get Castro's bags and bring them to hi...

Why did the former leader of Cuba only sleep with Muslim men?

He liked hearing them say "In Fidel! In Fidel!"

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Have you heard about the porn parody crossover starring Castro and Bin Laden?

It's called In-Fidel

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A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

What do you call a Cuban gastrologist?

Fidel Gastro

What do you call motor oil from Cuba?

Fidel Castrol

Oh yeah, I REALLY hate cigars.

-Fidel Sarcastro

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Why did ISIS kill the man who had sex with communist dictators?

He was in fidel

Castro's proctologist had a nickname

They called him 'The In Fidel'.

Did you hear that Castro's body double retired?

He was tired of playing second Fidel.

(Late Joke) Islamic State: People who are currently in Cuba,

You are all in Fidel's.

.

Sorry.

What's Fuzzy, Smokes, and Comes in Cubes?

Fidel Castro.

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Last Wish

There was a man in a hospital who thought that he would die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish. "Nurse," he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Kruschev." (you know a president of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head).
"Nikita Kruschev? But he's been ...

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