UPJOKE
castrovidalhabanaernestoalfonsovicentejavieralejandrocorreasalvadorvillarclementeguevarafedericomontes

Fidel Jokes

Fidel Castro is dead

Looks like Keith Richards and the Queen of England are moving on to the finals.

Fidel Castro said he wouldn't die until America was destroyed.

Well, looks like he died 17 days after.

Fidel Castro survived 638 assassination attempts

But even he could not survive 2016

CIA finally succeeded in killing Fidel Castro

Using the innovative 'Old age' technique

When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like Fidel Castro ...

... not screaming in terror, like his victims.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How would a Muslim describe Castro's gay, atheist lover?

In Fidel.

What grades did Fidel Castro get at school?

Full Marx

What do you call Fidel Castro cheating on a partner?

In-Fidel Castro

Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents

Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States

-Eisenhower

-Kennedy

-Johnson

-Nixon

-Ford

-Carter

-Reagan

-Bush

-Clinton

-GW Bush

-Obama

But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump

Fidel Castro dies and goes to hell.

There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell.

There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. “What’s it like in there?” asks Fidel. “Well,” the d...

Fidel Castro just passed away...

...I suppose Black Friday was too MUCH capitalism for him.

Fidel Castro is dead

Trump don't mess about.

Came second place in a Fidel Castro lookalike competition.

Close, but no cigar.

Fidel Castro was a Muslim

Otherwise he would have been called "Infidel".

Fidel Castro died and went to heaven.

When he arrived there, Jesus said that his place was in hell.

Arriving there, Fidel was received with honors by Satan.

In a certain moment, he remembered he had forgotten his baggage in Heaven and he wanted to look for them but Satan said to him: "Stay here, I will send two little demo...

Fidel Castro Dies on Black Friday

Adam Smith: 1
Karl Marx: 0

Fidel Castro Dies and Goes to Heaven

Castro finds himself at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there, surprised to see him. He says, "Fidel, you've done so many awful things in your life, how did you get here?"

Castro says, "It was the Pope. He blessed me and told me I must have been chosen by God, so I was certainly going to heave...

Fidel Castro survived assassination attempts, coups, plagues....

....but was like, "Nah, I can't do a Trump world. Good luck y'all, I'm out."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to his people

Fidel Castro was giving a speech to the Cuban people in a large outdoor venue. Halfway through the speech he hears a vendor in the crowd, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."
He ignores it and carries on with the speech.
He hears the same thing, "popcorn, peanuts, soda..."

Fidel gets frustrated...

Q: What do Fidel Castro and Harambe have in common?

A: They're both dead gorillas.

Castro joke I got from Cuban family members

Fidel Castro dies and because he thinks he is so great he goes to heaven. Once past the gates though, Saint Peter stops him and throws him out being the the watchful eye he is. In hell, the devil meets castro and gives him a warm welcome and tells his demons to get Castro's bags and bring them to hi...

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.

Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, ...

New Jersey ranks highest in depression and marital infidelity

It's a sad state of affairs

The US government has been trying to get rid of Fidel Castro for 50 years.

Trump gets elected, and Castro is dead within 3 weeks.

One Last Humiliation: The CIA Just Bungled An Attempt To Drop A Piano On Fidel Castro’s Funeral Procession

Luckily, It only cost them a grand.

Fidel Castro just died, Cubans can be finally happy that their country will be ruled by the young generation led by a much younger leader.

His 85 year old brother!

It's Havana, Cuba and there's a shortage of food.

A local family is wondering what to do for dinner, their parrot overheard and asks:

"What about fried parrot?"

The mom says: "There's no oil"

"How about roasted parrot?"

"There's no electricity to turn the oven on"

"And parrot over rice?"

The mother says "T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

iBoob

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained ab...

Why did the former leader of Cuba only sleep with Muslim men?

He liked hearing them say "In Fidel! In Fidel!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Cuban immigrant is dying

and he asks his nurse "Please take me back to Cuba, I want to kiss the Cuban flag for one last time before I die". The nurse replies " We can't take you there, but I will get you the next best thing". She pulls down her pants and so it happens that she is wearing underwear with the Cuban flag printe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the porn parody crossover starring Castro and Bin Laden?

It's called In-Fidel

What do you call motor oil from Cuba?

Fidel Castrol

What do you call a Cuban gastrologist?

Fidel Gastro

Oh yeah, I REALLY hate cigars.

-Fidel Sarcastro

Did you hear that Castro's body double retired?

He was tired of playing second Fidel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did ISIS kill the man who had sex with communist dictators?

He was in fidel

Castro's proctologist had a nickname

They called him 'The In Fidel'.

(Late Joke) Islamic State: People who are currently in Cuba,

You are all in Fidel's.

.

Sorry.

What's Fuzzy, Smokes, and Comes in Cubes?

Fidel Castro.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

A priest walks in to his stock broker’s office. When their business is concluded, the broker sighs and says, “Father, I must confess for I have sinned. I once cheated on my wife.” The priest nods his head and says, “there’s nothing I can do here, we will have to step outside.”

Confused, but eager to get it off his chest, the broker leads him to the door. As soon as they pass through the exit, the priest says, “Don’t worry, my son. Say three Hail Marys and don’t do it again.” The broker is relieved, but also curious. “Father, why couldn’t we do this in my office?”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last Wish

There was a man in a hospital who thought that he would die. So he asks the beautiful nurse to accomplish his last wish. "Nurse," he says, "I want to kiss the head of Nikita Kruschev." (you know a president of the ex USSR who was fat and had no hair on his head).
"Nikita Kruschev? But he's been ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.