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Coolest Jokes

What’s the coolest way to die?

Hypothermia

My neighbor always tells me he was the coolest kid in grade 6

Today I found out he was the only kid in his class with a driver's license and a mustache

What's the hottest and coolest news program?

The weather forecast

What is the coolest letter in the alphabet?

B, because it is in between the AC.

Who's the coolest man in the hospital?

The hip replacement guy.

I've heard out of the coolest places to be,

space is pretty up there.

What is almost the coolest root vegetable of them all?

Radish

Why are baseball stadiums the coolest place to be?

Because it's full of fans!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a bisexual individual, I think I have the coolest flag out of all of the others in the LGBTQ+ community.

But I guess I’m biased.

The coolest thing about my new Porsche is that it lets me know when the rear wing is raised.

Spoiler alert.

Thor Odinson may not be the coolest God-name ever...

But it's still better than Loki Adoptedson.

/burn

A scientist took a selfie while he was drinking liquid nitrogen

He was quoted as saying "It was the coolest shot I ever took"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During the 60’s Michael Caine hosted some really wild parties. At one such party he had all the coolest people there, taking drugs, drinking and having a crazy time.

‘Alright jim’ he said to Jim Morrisson ‘are you and the boys enjoying the party?’. ‘Yeah its great, man’. ‘Well its going to get better. Ive got a girl in the bedroom who will suck all your dicks’ said Caine ‘Really? That’s great!’ replied Morrisson. So he and the band went into Michael’s bedroom....

Why does Neptune get all the girls?

Cuz he's the coolest

John buys binoculars and shows it to Bob. "Bob, this is the coolest thing ever. Last night I saw you doing you wife"

You can return it, it's broken. Last night I was out of town

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

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I tried to set up my hipster friend with this awesome guy. He’s rebellious, has dope beard and long wavy hair, hangs around with quirky outcasts, hikes, doesn’t want to own useless crap and knows all the coolest party tricks.

Yeah. Turning hipster girls into Christianity is surprisingly easy.

A young man approaches a fisherman standing in the river...

He waves to the fisherman and says, "Wow, great pole you've got there!"

The fisherman smiles, gives a slight nod, and says, "thank you!"

\- "And man, that's some of the coolest tackle I've ever seen!"

Smile, nod, "thank you!"

"Some high-quality bait, too."

Big smi...

Y'know how ants will sacrifice themselves to form a bridge?

I read that when ants approach an obstacle such as water/oil/etc they will sacrifice themselves and form a chain to create a bridge across said obstacle. The coolest part to me is that the males specifically line up to form the bridge and protect the females. Apparently this is because they are not ...

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The Ice Sculpture contest [OC]

Once upon a time an elderly couple ventured to an old town with not many inhabitants. The town being located fairly high up north as well as the harsh winter season lead to it not being the most prosperous place at the current time. Everyone there was cold, hungry and they mainly kept to their own. ...

I had a dream last night. Everything was really strange. The coolest part was that the water was orange, and sometimes bubbled. Every drop of it was like this, even rivers, lakes, etc. It was pretty neat. I shan't bore you though.

After all, it was all just a Fantasy.

Brexit

The coolest thing about the Brexit is that the EU has 1 GB of free space...

Some people think of this as the hottest summer in the last 125 years

But I like to think of it as the coolest summer in the next 125 years. Glass half full!

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My pet turtle Francois

When I was a kid, I had a pet turtle named Francois. He was just a red eared slider, but I thought he was the coolest thing ever.

One summer, I went to camp, and Francois died. My father was the worst at breaking bad news, so he said Francois was alive and well -- and living with my mother. ...

So a man dies and goes to Heaven...

In Heaven, he asks God what the coolest things about Heaven are.

God says, "Well, here in Heaven, a minute lasts a million years, and a penny is worth a million dollars."

The man replies, "Oh, cool! Can I have a penny?"

To which God tells him, "In a minute."

My fifth grad...

Bar peanuts...

A man sits down at a bar. A basket of peanuts is nearby and tells him, "Hey man, you're looking great tonight!"

The man says, "Thanks, peanuts!"

The peanuts reply, "Also, I really love your outfit!"

The man responds, "Thanks, so nice of you"

The peanuts tell him, "You are...

Youth Slang

Kids are always coming up with the strangest slang. Remember "on fleek" or when "dank" stopped meaning dingy?

I was working as a counselor at a summer camp one year. The kids came up with a new one and proceeded to absolutely run it into the ground. One day in the cafeteria, one of the ner...

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COWBOY'S TOMB STONE

Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, coo...

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A pregnant woman with triplets survives three gun shots

About 15 years ago a woman who was pregnant with triplets, two girls, one boy was shot in the stomach three times. She was rushed to the hospital she lived and all the triplets were uninjured what a miracle! So 15 years later the woman was making dinner for her family then her oldest daughter came d...

Collection of dog Jokes

what do you call batman's dog? a Bat Terrier

What do you call sleeping puppies? Hush Puppies

what do you call a magic dog? A; a labra-cadabra-brador

what do you call count draculas dog? a blood hound

why is it called a litter of puppies? because theyll trash the place
...

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Golf pro returns home

Back in the sixties an Irish golfer makes it big in the USA and becomes a millionaire. Wanting to celebrate his success he arranges for a trip back to his lovely green Isle and since he's also a bit of a braggard, he pays to have his very flashy Buick convertible sent back with him on a ship.
...

Some bar jokes

A snail crawls into a bar. The bartender says we don't serve your kind and tosses the snail out on the curb. 3 years later same snail crawls in and says "What the hell dude"

A Welsh, Englishman and Scot go into a bar and order 3 beers. Each of their glasses has a fly in it. The Englishman to...

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