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Laundering Jokes

What do you call agents who thwart money laundering schemes?

Detergents

I’m pretty sure my local corner shop is a money laundering front.

I’ve been in there about 1000 times and not once have I seen a corner for sale.

I got arrested for asking around for advice on money laundering

I don’t get it.

During this COVID-19 pandemic, I thought the least I could do to stay safe was to disinfect my money.

Big Burly Biker walks into a bar

He sees this tiny nerdy looking guy staring at his filled drink and decides he wants to mess with him. The Biker walks over takes the glass and slams the drink in one swig. At this the nerdy guy just starts bawling like a baby.


The Biker filled with remorse tells him to calm down an...

Money Laundering

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's Donald.

I've been laundering money for a few months now.

Seriously, this quarter has been in my washer for months

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

I used to be a millionaire

But i learned money laundering isn't putting all your money in the laundry machine.

The value of French Impressionism...

...is largely determined by Monet Laundering.

My mom washed my wallet on accident.

Asked me “is that what you call laundering money”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I turned myself into the police.

The Crime? Money Laundering. I just couldn't take it anymore, the guilt was eating at me and I needed to finally face my crimes.

I went into the station and explained that I had been money laundering for decades. They said they wanted an official statement and sat me down in a room with a tab...

Forgetting to check your pockets for money before washing clothes could land you in some trouble.

Laundering money is illegal.

Did you hear about that shady massage parlor run by bears?

Yeah, turns out it was just a front for honey laundering

I was folding my pants, fresh out the drier, and found a dollar in a pocket. Jesus Christ...

How long have I been laundering money?

I was arrested for washing my pants without taking the cash out of my pockets.

They charged me for laundering money.

The police get a call about a house two blocks away when on the night shift...

The caller doesn't say much but she says she often sees lots of money coming and going from the house and hears machines running all night and day.

The police put together a swat team just in case things go sideways.

They bust down the door to the house and find row upon row of washin...

I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...

I got busted for Money Laundering

A man was at the laundromat

to do his laundry. He saw that it was going to take a few hours so he went to Subway to grab a bite. He was about to pay when he realized he left his wallet at the laundromat.

He went back and he saw police cars around. The man was arrested.

"Money laundering is illegal, buddy", said t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Granny went to the bank to deposit her $1M

She was greeted by the Bank Manager.

Manager: "Good morning, ma'am! That's quite a fortune. May I ask where did it come from?"

Granny: "I have a knack in gambling. These are my winnings."

M: "I have no doubt. However, our policies prevents us from accepting it due to anti money-...

My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.

If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.


He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people bu...

The Donald

President Trump walks into a local bank in New York to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?" ...

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