I got arrested for asking around for advice on money laundering
I don’t get it.
During this COVID-19 pandemic, I thought the least I could do to stay safe was to disinfect my money.
Millennials 20 years ago: Looting and polluting is not the way!
Millennials now: If I burn enough fossil fuels, maybe one of my random digital coins will become the preferred method of money laundering and make me rich.
My mom washed my wallet on accident.
Asked me “is that what you call laundering money”.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Granny went to the bank to deposit her $1M
She was greeted by the Bank Manager.
Manager: "Good morning, ma'am! That's quite a fortune. May I ask where did it come from?"
Granny: "I have a knack in gambling. These are my winnings."
M: "I have no doubt. However, our policies prevents us from accepting it due to anti money-...
I've been laundering money for a few months now.
Seriously, this quarter has been in my washer for months
I have recently been involved in money laundering...
I had some coins in my pocket which I didn't realise untill there was a ticking sound coming from the dryer.
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's Donald.
The police get a call about a house two blocks away when on the night shift...
The caller doesn't say much but she says she often sees lots of money coming and going from the house and hears machines running all night and day.
The police put together a swat team just in case things go sideways.
They bust down the door to the house and find row upon row of washin...
My neighbour used to sell Ukranian eggs.
If you don't know what those are, it's when you draw on eggs with wax and then soak them in coloured dyes to create special designs. It's an art form called Pysanky - you should look it up.
He used to sell them out of a little stall in his front garden. I never really saw many people bu...
My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.
"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."
Forgetting to check your pockets for money before washing clothes could land you in some trouble.
Laundering money is illegal.
Did you hear about that shady massage parlor run by bears?
Yeah, turns out it was just a front for honey laundering
My dad had the ultimate dad joke...
When we were little, he'd tell us how we had to remember to take our wallets out of our jeans when we put in the washing machine.
Because that's laundering money.
President Trump walks into a local bank in New York to cash a check. He is surrounded by Secret Service agents. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
A man was at the laundromat
to do his laundry. He saw that it was going to take a few hours so he went to Subway to grab a bite. He was about to pay when he realized he left his wallet at the laundromat.
He went back and he saw police cars around. The man was arrested.
"Money laundering is illegal, buddy", said t...
I was arrested for washing my pants without taking the cash out of my pockets.
They charged me for laundering money.
My wife threatened to call the cops if I didn't start checking the pockets of our clothes when I did laundry.
I asked "And what exactly do you expect them to charge me with?"
She said, "Money laundering."
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I turned myself into the police.
The Crime? Money Laundering. I just couldn't take it anymore, the guilt was eating at me and I needed to finally face my crimes.
I went into the station and explained that I had been money laundering for decades. They said they wanted an official statement and sat me down in a room with a tab...
I accidentally left my wallet in my jeans when I put them in the wash...
I got busted for Money Laundering