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Comebacks Jokes

Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

Pick-Up Line Comebacks

Man: "Haven't we met before?"Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go...

The slowest people have the fastest comebacks

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear v...

I felt bad when I made some redditor cry with one of my witty comebacks

Sorry for the riposte

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Uncle Eddy, Grandmaster of Great Jokes and Hilarious Comebacks

Little Jimmy was walking down the road, kicking the dust, when suddenly he found two circus tickets. He runs home to his father and says: "Daddy! Daddy! I have found two tickets to the circus! Will you come to the circus with me?"

"I'm sorry son, but your mother is sick, I'm taking care of he...

What do r/Jokes, r/CleverComebacks and r/Fencing have in common?

Ripostes.

Idk if someone has already posted this joke but... How does Spider-Man come up with such witty comebacks?

With great power comes great response-ability

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hermit, a clown, and a witty comeback...

FULL DISCLOSURE: This is a shaggy dog story...

An old hermit has been living alone in the wilderness for many, many years. He decides that it is finally time to rejoin society. He sees in the local paper that the circus is coming to a nearby town and decides that a circus would be a wonderful...

My nephew was driving me crazy with his juvenile comebacks to everything I said, so I pushed him into the campfire.

Roasted!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

I enjoy one glass of wine each night for its health benefits.

The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss asked if he dropped his watch in the toilet

Because I was shitting on his time

And joke creds to him. I was also fresh out of witty comebacks...

A stranger walks into a neighborhood bar (long)

A stranger walks into a neighborhood bar and hears a very strange conversation.

"Hey, Joey! Your wife is so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits **around the house**!"

"Oh yeah, Bobby? 37!"

Bobby cringes as the crowd yells "oooooh" and laughs.

Joey then stands up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy goes to see Bobo the clown

Billy loves Bobo, he can barely contain his excitement. He sits front row and center as the show begins. Bobo comes out on stage and walks right up to little Billy.


"Hey there kid, what's your name?" Bobo asks.


"Billy!"


"Well hey Billy are you a horses head?"
...

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