Kissing lead to foreplay...

She liked it when I used one finger,

She: "Now use two fingers"

Me: "Yeah you like that?"

She: "Now stick your hand in..."

Me: "Oh babe, you're kinky"

She: "Two hands now..."

Me: 😦"okay...."

She: "Now clap...

Me: "I can't..."

She: 😏 "I...

What’s the similarity between foreshadowing and foreplay?

Either way you know something is coming.

My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay (NSFW)

I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra

I got stabbed 23 times

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Russian prostitute say to Vladamir when he attempted foreplay?

Quit Stalin Putin!

Foreplay is like beefburgers

Three minutes on each side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever heard a joke with a moral?

A mosquito is flying above the surface of a lake. Beneath it, in the water, there is a salmon swimming. It sees the mosquito and thinks to itself: "If only it would fly a little lower, i could jump out of the water and catch it." On the shore, there is a bear standing quietly and thinks to itself: "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend won't let me spank her during foreplay

So I glued her buttcheeks together. Well I guess if you can't beat them, join them!

Brought a girl home from a bar last night and after we went down on each other for a while I slipped on a condom. Suddenly, she looked me dead in the eyes and demanded either forty more minutes of foreplay, or that I drop down and give her 100 pushups. When I asked why she said

"The idea is to provide you with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different holes."

What do vegans do for foreplay?

Toss each other's salads of course.

So you're telling me you don't like foreplay...

but you let your dishes soak for days before finally doing them?

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time.

What are the 3 hottest things you can do to a woman during foreplay?

1. Vacuum
2. Dishes
3. Laundry

So last night I had to do every married man's worst nightmare, defrost the fridge.

Or as she likes to call it, foreplay.

A married couple was lying in bed one night. The wife is all curled up, ready to go to sleep, as the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book

As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife, and fondles her "special area". He does this a few times, but only for very short intervals before turning back to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused... and, assuming that her husband is seeking some enco...

Things got a bit freaky during foreplay the other night.

I thought I heard someone entering the morgue.

Does Indiana Jones like foreplay?

No, he just whips it out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prosthetic breasts were changed to plastic material after numerous reports of lip splinters occurring during foreplay.

That would suck wooden tit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

Walking on stage to a round of applause is a lot like foreplay.

Both involve a warm hand on my entrance.

What is a man's idea of foreplay?

Half an hour of begging...!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do flowers do for foreplay?

Floral sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Sapiosexual couple's foreplay

Involves blowing each other's minds

What does Wonder Woman call foreplay?

Amazon Prime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I had sex with my girlfriend we didn't do any foreplay

We wanted to do a dry run

What foreplay does the praying mantis girlfriend enjoys ?

Being given head.

School is the foreplay of life

You can't rush it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good sex or bad sex?

Two women are talking:

“How was the sex last night?” one asks.

“A catastrophe! My husband came from work, had dinner in 3 minutes, after we had 4 minutes sex, he was deep sleep 2 minutes after! That fucker! And yours, How was it? “

”My, was AMAZING! My husband took me out for a...

What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay?

Heavy petting.

One night, a man and a woman meet at a bar

. After a drink or two, they start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors attending an out-of-town medical conference.
After about an hour, the man says to the
woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight-no strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun."
Considerin...

My girlfriend said I should work on my foreplay.

But now I'm at the range she won't stop phoning me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Corona virus and sex NSFW

This coronavirus is really hurting my sex life. My foreplay game just isn’t the same since I can only use my elbows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW - Man goes to a brothel (long)

A man goes to a brothel and asks for the most experienced woman they have.
The madam introduces him to a nice lady, he agrees and they go to the room.


During foreplay the man starts fingering the woman, starting with one finger.
Since the girl is a bit big and doesn't seem ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Foreplay

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You j...

What do Muslim men do during foreplay?

Tickle the goat under the chin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sequence of events...

There once was a fly hovering above a pond who wanted to drop an inch to eat some food. In that pond was a frog who said to themself “If that fly drops an inch I can jump and eat them!”. Under the water there was a fish who said to themself “If that fly drops an inch that frog will jump for it and I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The old guy at an old-timer's dance

There's this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem is that he hasn't scored any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't got any action.

Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said "I'm having no luck scoring a woman. H...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invented a new sex position " The G.R.R.Martin"

I give her the best foreplay and when she's ready to finish it's all just a slap in her face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife wants me in better shape.

We started implementing work out routines into our foreplay.

I do sit ups while performing cunnilingus.

Crunch and Munch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mosquito flies above a river...

In the river there is a fish.
The fish thinks: If that mosquito just flies down a little bit, i can jump and eat that mosquito

Next to the river sits a bear
The bear thinks: If that mosquito flies down a little bit, and the fish grabs it. I can grab the fish.

Behind the bear in t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple had just gone to bed

when they started feeling frisky. After some passionate foreplay, the wife climbed on top and her husband suddenly pushed her off.

“Why did you do that?” She asked. “I’m always on top!”

He said, “My boss told me today that I’d be fired if I fucked up one more time.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

two women are chatting in the office....

Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"

Woman 2: "Yes."

Woman 1: "Was it good?"

Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife dies due to misunderstanding

Jim had met the woman of his dreams, a beautiful woman from India. After a brief courtship they got married. As Jim was old fashioned they had intercourse for the first time in their wedding night.
Jim was understandably excited to be with his beautiful wife for the first time and was anxious ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A Trip to the Dentist

A man takes his girlfriend to his house to have some alone time. A few minutes into the Netflix and chill, things start to heat up. The man and his girlfriend start off with a little foreplay but it quickly escalates to a lot of 69.
After they finish their business the man tells his girlfriend t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women talk about their last night sex

Two women talk about their last night sex:

-So, how was your sex yesterday?

-It was crap… My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes, then we fucked for 4 minutes and after two minutes he fell asleep. And how was yours?

-I had a wonderful evening yesterday. My husband cam...

A short guide to extreme BDSM

Some couples like what they have. Others want to experiment. This is a quick and simple (and dirty) tutorial for some extreme [BDSM](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM) play in a young couple's bedroom.

As far as special equipment goes... well, it'll become obvious as you read.

Step ze...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Alien ship lands in the city center..

and out come two humanoid male and female aliens, who look pretty much human except they are blue in colour and have antennas where their ears should be.

They are immediately surrounded by a huge crowd, media has set up their booths and world leaders approach them to make contact.

The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is out looking for a hooker for the night...

...one of them offers him a 69. He'd never heard of this sex act before, so he decides to hire this lady and try it out.

They got to his house, got undressed and started the foreplay. They then got into the 69 position and began pleasuring each other, unfortunately the hooker got too excited ...

What came before the Big Bang?

The Big Foreplay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because men fake foreplay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Picture the scene, it is 1915 and the Great War is raging in Europe.

The war brought forward many brave fighting units and among those there were none so brave as the aviators of the French Flying Corps. Every weekend these modern day gladiators would fly to Paris and install themselves in the Grand Hotel. The locals, particularly the young ladies, would be desperate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New sex technique

A man and his wife are in bed and things start to heat up. After a little bit of foreplay the man suddenly stops. His wife asks "What's wrong? Is it me?" The man replies " No I learned this on Pornhub, it's called buffering."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Bro Quiz (NSFW)

The Bro Quiz

In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
a lovemaking
b screwing
c the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town


You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a your views about what you e...

Jesus and Peter are getting a little bored

[NSFW] Jesus and Peter are getting a little bored up in heaven, so they decide to head on down to earth for a little fun. The get dressed in their gladrags (Peter points out to Jesus his boots aren't so stylish these days) and head off to a club. So they don't cramp each other's style, the separat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex Drive (Long)

A older man was walking through a antique store when he saw a lamp having a laugh to himself he picked it up and rubbed it. All of a sudden a genie burst out of it almost giving him a heart attack. The genie told the man since he freed him he was willing to give him a single wish. The man pondere...

Go down a water slide when it isn't wet.

And then you'll understand the importance of foreplay.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jamaican, an Italian, and Jew.

So these three long time friends meet at the pub every Sunday night for beers and a chat to close out the week.

One of these Sunday nights the conversation turns to sex, and as some bragging starts happening they decide to challenge each other to a sexual prowess contest. They agree to meet ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We all know that one girl...

A man and a woman are having sex. The man is fingering the woman to get a little foreplay going. As hes fingering her, she grabs him and whispers in his ear "I like fisting.."

The man grins and proceeds to inserting his fist. The woman moans in enjoyment, but says "Deeper,". He proceeds to sl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Fresh College Graduate Celebrates In a Bar **Nasty**

A young man is celebrating his recent graduation from college with a few buddies in a bar. As the evening progresses, their drunkeness increases as well. Soon they notice an elderly lady sitting at the end of the bar, drowning her sorrows.

Eventually, one of his buddies dares him to go ov...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I lost my virginity to a girl on her period.

The foreplay gave me cotton mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man finally get out of jail...

...after spending 28 years on the inside for multiple felonies. And just like any other male that hasn't touched a woman after 28 years, he wanted to get some ass. Unfortunately this guy had gotten taken to jail with only $40, so that is what he had when he was released.
Without wasting anytim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was a woman...

that had such a strong sexual drive that she couldn't find the right husband so she decided to have a contest of who can fuck her the hardest and make her orgasm.

3 people arrived. A black person, a white person and an Asian.

Both the black man and the white man looked at the Asian and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a joke about a cat

One day a fish notices a fly buzzing a bit downstream just over the water. The fish thinks to itself "If I swim down river I'll be able to jump up and eat that fish for dinner."

A bear also notices this fly and thinks to itself "If I wait near the river a fish will jump up and eat the fly and...

Apparently, In Sweden parents aren't allowed to spank their kids.

Like that would bother me, I don't do foreplay.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.