Why were the garden shears so advanced ?

Because they used cutting-hedge technology

My daughter made a giant pair of shears from outdated computer parts in art class at school

She called it “Cutting hedge technology”

Does Dwayne Johnson purchase bulk shears?

No.

The Rock pay per scissors

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer sees a trail of $50 notes leading to an old woman with two bags of trash.

Curious he approaches the woman and asks:

"Excuse me Mam, but one of your bags has a hole".

The woman thanks him profoundly but he, still curious, asks:

"Hope you don't mind me snooping around but where did you get all that money?"
"Well, you see Mr.Officer, I have a lovel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lad goes for a job in Homebase.

Boss says "let me show you how its done."....... A customer walks in & asks for a packet of grass seed, the boss says "sir, when the grass grows you'll need shears, and after that you'll need a lawn mower." Customer says, "I never thought of that" & leaves having spent £200. "That's how its ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog walks into a bar...

...and WHAM !! Anyways, a man at the lumber yard accidentally shears off his fingers. He runs to the hospital, where the Doctor says, "give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."The man replies, "I haven't got the fingers."The Doctor says, "what do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? We coul...

Game Day entrepreneur . . .

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every now and then, a $50 bill fell out onto the footpath.

Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $50 bills falling Out of that bag."

"Oh, ra...

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Reddit, trade Sean Connery jokes with me (warning: contains shockingly bad puns)

The joke I heard here that started it all:

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon?
*Tennish*

Now, thanks to that discovery, I'm stuck in a tour van with four dudes and we are all hopelessly addicted. Here are what I consider to be our top ten:

1. Did you hear about ...

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