A Frenchman was showing of his yachts to a tourist

Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one Trois, Quatre, Six, Se--"

Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"

Frenchman: "It Cinq"

A man and his wife are sitting on their yacht

Man: It’s so relaxing on this ‘yakt’

Woman: The ‘c’ is silent

Man: Yes, yes it is

Two people are on a yacht

The man says: "what a beautiful yakt"

She replies: "the 'C' is silent"

He says: "yes, tranquil isn't it"

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht

The Pope
accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's
hat off, right into the water.

It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get
it, when Trump wa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

American, French, Italian and Russian male, with Spanish female are on a yacht for travel around the world...

After a while, the men gathered to decide and find out who will be courting the Spanish lady.

The American said:

-I will do it, I am the richest, and you know that who pays, he gets the goods!

The Frenchman:

-No, I'll be courting her, as a Frenchman, we are the most lovin...

I've started a business building yachts in my attic

Sails are going through the roof!

Trump invites the Pope on his yacht...

The Popes hat blows off into the ocean so the Swiss guard and the secret service jump is trying to recover it but the current kept them away. So Trump says "I got it", and jumps overboard and walks across the water retrieves the hat and brings it back to the Pope.

CNN's headline the next day ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wealthy man was on an expensive yacht which was approaching the middle of the Atlantic.

The man approached the captain of the ship.

'I used to have one of these ships, you know,' he began.

'Really, son? Where is it now?' the captain replied.

'Pretty much right underneath us, at the bottom of the sea rusting.'

'What, did it sink, son?'

'Yes. But that d...

A man was out at sea celebrating buying a new Yacht with his girlfriend.

Man (raising a glass of champagne) : To our new "YAKT".

Girlfriend : The 'c' is silent, honey.

Man : (staring out at the horizon) : Yes it's very tranquil, you're right.

What did the little boat say to the yacht?

Can I interest you in a little row-mance.

Why are yachts and ships so scary?

Because they're for boating.

What was the yacht doing while it played heavy metal music?

Dokken

A rich businessman enters a bar and announces he’s looking for a good deal.

Before long an old man approaches him with an old lamp. “Excuse me sir, would you like to buy this very rare lamp?”

“For how much?” The businessman asks.

“1.5 billion dollars. A steal, if you ask me. It is worth much more” The old man says.

“1.5 BILLION DOLLARS?!” The businessma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Irish Daughter...

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad.....

A man was trapped on his houses roof after his home town was flooded

a man in a row boat approached his house and said "hope in i will take you to safety"

the man declined and said "god will save me"

​

a short while later a man in a yacht came by and told the man to climb aboard to safety

again the man declined with the answer...

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven,

where Saint Peter gives him a nice, modern six-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.

One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine tailored suit.

"That's really nice," says Bill. "Where ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day a man went on a business trip to Florida. He saw this hooker and he asked,

“How much for a hand
job?”
The hooker replied, “100 Bucks.”
The man said “100 Bucks, that’s a lot of got damn money.”
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said, “See that
Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs.”
So he gave her the money and received the best hand he ha...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are walking on the beach.

They come across a strange looking vase in the sand and one of them tries to pick it up. However it is very brittle and crushes to dust as soon as it is touched, and a genie pops out.

"I don't normally grant wishes to more than one person, but I'll make an exception," the genie says. "Each of...

A rock musician, a classical musician and a jazz musician are sitting together, drinking...

Rock musician talks about his recent band tour,
- "and after all taxes were paid and such, I was able to afford a nice little yacht from the remaining money."
The classical musician smiles and says,
- "Well, kinda nice. My orchestra sold so many records though, I was even able to afford ...

There's this man walking along a beach and find's a lamp washed up on the shore

He picks up the lamp and a genie pops out.

The genie says you have 3 wishes. But whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get double.

So the man thinks and get says "One million Dollars" and just like that a big bag appears with money inside of it. Then the man hears someone cheering ...

Always remember that money cannot buy you love

It can, however, buy you a mansion, a yacht, a nice suit, and a fancy European sports car. After that, you'll be beating love off with a stick.

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Teacher asks the kids in class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Chris says, "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200 ft yacht, an infinite visa card and I wanna shag her 3 times a day..."
The teacher, in shock, ignores the boy and turns to...

A new salesman

There was a big town, with a big grocery store that anything could be bought from. Literally anything.

The manager of the storehouse put a "help wanted" flyer up, and a shy boy from the countryside applied for the job.

The manager was interviewing the boy, and asked:


"So, yo...

After only a week of dating my girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't like my comparisons...

I feel worst than a turkey sandwich on a yacht.

A man with a little head

A guy walked into a bar and saw a guy sitting at the bar who was really really big, but he had a little head. This guy was scary and looked like a body builder, but had a tiny head.

So he went up and asked "Hey man, how'd you get such a little head?"

He responded:

"Well I met a ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four men are talking...

They are talking about how rich their sons are. The first said: "My son is so rich last time he bought his lover a luxurious Mercedes" "That's nothing"- said the second-"mine bought his lover last time a luxurious yacht" "Well thats cute"-responded the third-"Mine bought his lover a luxurious 12000 ...

An Italian husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant...

... when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gay son

Three succesful men met up in a restaurant for dinner. First one started to talk "You know how my son is a succesful writer?" both men agreed "well he is soo succesful that he bought his best friend a brand new yacht worth 5 million dollars for his birthday last week." both men congratulated him.Sec...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar,

A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?" The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach one day...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three fathers are talking about their sons.

The first father says, "my sons a successful doctor. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a Lamborghini".

The second father said, "my sons a successful hedge fund manager. He's so rich, he just bought his best friend a yacht".

The third father says, "my sons the CEO of a big ...

There are these three older gentlemen in their club....

...somewhere in the West End of London, and it's the late 1920s or so. They're sitting in the Chesterfield armchairs, drinking their beakers of port, smoking cigars, and generally chatting about life, and the conversation circles round to the great inevitable, and they start to wonder how they want...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A doctor, a lawyer, a college student, and a priest sign up for a skydiving trip...

...and find themselves in the air at 12,000 feet. Three minutes before crossing the LZ, both engines come to a complete stop.

The silence is deafening, until the pilot who is also the instructor, pops out of the cockpit with a panicked look on his face and says 'Folks, I'm sorry-we're out o...

Three young friends,

seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.


Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never bef...

Tim and Lyle, walking down Main Street with Moshe, their boss, spied an oil lamp. With a rub, out popped a genie.

“You get one wish a piece,” said the genie.

Lyle shouted. “I want to be on a yacht in Bermuda!” Poof. He disappeared.

Tim exclaimed: “Make mine Hawaii --with beauty queens!” Poof, he disappeared.

Moshe, the boss, looked around and calmly said. “For my wish ... I want those schno...

Purple... long but worth it IMO

A purple man woke up in his purple room, in his purple bed inside his purple house. He got out of his purple bed, went to his purple bathroom, used his purple toilet, washed his purple hands and brushed his purple teeth.

He got dressed in his favourite purple shirt, purple undies and purple t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three young women at a party

were trying to
impress each other by bragging about their husbands.
The first said: "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera this summer. We're going to hire a yacht and hang out with movie stars."
The second said: "My husband just bought me a new Mercedes."
Unimpressed, the thi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man gets rescued after spending his whole life on a desert island.

(this one is very long, be warned)

He was stranded on the island as a little boy, he knows how to speak but he knows nothing about the wonders of the modern world. Him and his family were thought to have perished in a freak yacht accident, nobody ever found the yacht. He somehow managed to su...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar

This bar was a magical genie bar. They talk to the bartender who tells them. "There is a mirror that, if you tell the truth in, grants you your greatest wish. But beware, lying will cause you to disappear forever"

So, the brunette walks up to the mirror and confidently speaks. "I think I am t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young lady is working at an old people’s home when she walks into an old gentleman’s room.

He’s holding a set of photographs and looks upset.

“What’s the matter?” She asks

“I’ve got no-one to pass these onto to when I go”. Says the old man, looking at his photos

“Let me show you” and he presents her with a photo of an old car, “this is my vintage E type Jaguar. It’s p...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Southern Oldie But Goodie....

**Disclaimer: Must be read in a deep Southern drawl.**

A woman was standing in front of the window in the maternity wing looking at her newborn baby when another new mom walked up beside her. She pointed at a baby and said, "Is that your baby boy there?" The first woman replied, "Why, yes it ...

Poor man

Three men sat outside of a coffe shop in a spanish town, two of them are rich and the third is poor. As they sat there drinking their coffes a very attractive lady walks up to them and asks what they would give to sleep with her. The first rich man says "I would buy you a yacht, a sports car and a c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four mid-life friends meet up once a year.

This year they decide to meet in the bar that was once their local for an evening of drinking and catching up.


Jack heads to the bar to get the first round in. Steve A starts the conversation.


"So hows the family guys? My son is doing quite well, airline pilot! The other da...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four guys are sitting at a bar, talking about their sons

The first guy says, "Man. I am so proud of my son. He's a multi-millionaire. He has his own mansion, a yacht. Hell, he gave one of his buddies a Ferrari for his birthday!"

The second man, in try manly nature, goes for one better. "Yeah, well my son is so well off! He's a multi-billionaire! H...

A man walks into a bar with a tiny piano and a foot tall man playing it.

He sits down and the bartender asks "What's the deal with that?"

The man claims to have found a genie that can grant amazing wishes and that's were he got the little man and the tiny piano. He pulls out a rusty old lamp and hands it to the bartender.

"Give it a try" the man says to the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On a ship

A captain and a rich man were talking in a cabin of a very large yacht.

'I had one of these yachts once,' the rich man told the captain.

'Sold it?' the captain asked.

'No. I wanted to show my parents that I appreciated how they brought me up in life and how they helped me become...

Jimmy Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and Mick Jagger are walking along the beach in Morocco...

Jimmy trips over something in the sand and looks down to see a golden lamp. He picks it up and *POOF* out pops a genie. The genie looks at the men and says "I will grant you each one wish for freeing me from the lamp!"

Hendrix goes first. "I wish for a diamond the size of my head!" He exclaim...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with half an orange as a head

A man with half an orange for a head walks into a bar. The bartender takes one look at him and says, 'Okay, man, I just have to know. I'll shout you a beer if you tell me just how your head came to be half an orange.' The man sits down at the bar and says, 'Well, it happened like this.'

'I'm ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Country Club Women (slightly nsfw)

Four women are sitting around the table at their very prestigious country club drinking wine and talking about how wealthy they are and how much money their husbands make.

The first lady says: Well my husband loves me so much he took me on a 2 week cruise in Europe.

All the ladies nod...

A religious man went out to sea

A religious man went out to sea to avoid distraction and be closer to God. A few hours in, his boat sinks.
A couple of hours go by and a yacht comes past and the owner shouts
"Hey do you need a lift?!"
"No! God will save me!" The religious man shouts back.
A few more hours go past and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four old friends meet in a pub and discuss how successful their sons are

The first guy says - My son is so successful, he recently got one of his friends a Yacht as a present.

The second guy says - My son is much more successful, he recently got one of his friends a brand new Ferrari.

The third guy says - That's nothing, my son recently got his friend a hel...

Hans turns up for his first day with the German Coast Guard. He's shown round the building, then taken to his new position as radio operator.

"Gut Mornink, Hans," says the old hand. "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. Just remember, all international radio traffic must be in ze English", and leaves.

Hans sits listening to the radio for a while, when he hears a call.
"Mayday, Mayday - help us, can anyone hear us?"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Jewish Girl And A Greek Boy Fall In Love

When the Jewish girl tells her father that she has fallen in love with a Greek boy and wants to marry him, he hits the ceiling. He forbids it, on pain of disownment. The girl goes ahead and marries the boy, anyway. The old man does not even go to the wedding and stops talking to her altogether....

A ridiculously rich man is buying his 6 year old nephew a birthday present

On his birthday, the boy gets a Porsche 911. For Christmas that year, the man bought his nephew a massive yacht. For his 7th birthday, the man bought his nephew a weeks holiday in Dubai. The boy's dad was getting worried about his son, as he wasn't getting gifts that a child his age would normally g...

Two Mormon bishops are going for a walk...

They have been friends for years. One turns and says, "We've been so close for so long. Tell me, hypothetically, if you had two yachts, would you give me one?"

The other bishop says, "Why, you baptised my son! Of course I would give you one!"

"Then tell me, hypothetically, if you had t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Four southern belles

Four southern belles are sitting on the porch on a fine Georgia afternoon sipping sweet tea. The first one says "My husband just bought me this new diamond bracelet. Isn't it just so Beautiful?" All the ladies reply "Hmmm, that's niice."

The second one says "Well now, you see that nice new...