After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment..

And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

After having the beer, he asks the bartender for the bill.

"$3", says the bartender.

The man just for fun goes on and places a $1 coin on the three ends of the table. The bartender gives him a bad look but has no other option but to pick them up.

This happened for 3-4 days an...

I didn't volunteer in the Army - I was forced to join by parents

I wasn't going to make life easy for anyone. During my medical tests, the doctor asked softly,

Can you read the letters on the wall?

What letters? I answered shrewdly.

"Good", said the doctor.

"You passed the hearing test."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doug lived all of his life in the Florida Keys. On his deathbed, he realizes the end is imminent.

He calls his family to be near his side, along with his lawyer to record his last wishes.
"My son, Andy; you take the Ocean Reef houses. My daughter, Sybil, take the apartments between mile marker 100 and Tavernier. My son Jamie- I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Cen...

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My uncle converted to Christianity

My uncles and I were out one day getting our bagels and gefilte fish and we noticed the placard. “$1,000 to convert!”

Well, being the shrewd mensches we are we decide one of us should go ahead and check. Uncle Hersch draws the short straw so he goes in.

We wait.

And wait.
...

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Once upon a time, there was a wasp.

Now, this wasp was no ordinary wasp. No, no, this was an extremely intelligent wasp. He was so smart, in fact, that one day he decided to leave the nest to go to high school. Obviously, this was a big deal for his family, but they supported him in following his dreams, so they packed up his few belo...

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The smart smuggler

A shrewd businessman was crossing a border with two donkeys and some luggage. The border guard stops him and checks the packs, but finds nothing in them. He lets him pass.

This cycle repeats itself, with the businessman crossing the border back and forth, and the border guard never finding an...

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(NSFW) Two men standing in a bar...

...after a full day of drinking and one of them throws up on himself.
"Ahh man my wife is gunna kill me. I said I was only going to have a couple today and she's already been complaining about how much I drink" he said.
His friend, being a shrewd guy, comes up with an idea:
"Put 10 dollars...

Fencing in Cattle

Three gentleman who excel in their respective fields are invited to compete in a competition. Competing are: a top Engineer, a shrewd Businessman, and an award-winning Mathematician. The judges, in turn ask each gentleman to fence in a herd of cattle using the shortest length of fence.

The e...

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