Kermit Jagger

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
...

The Knack came out with a new song!

It’s called “My Corona”, it’s pretty sick!

A mafia hitman...

A mafia hitman did a hit in the middle of a rice field with a porcelain doll.



It was the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

Good old #162, the Frog Joke

Patricia Whack, a bank teller, was having an unusual day: a frog had appeared in front of her teller and asked in perfectly elocuted English, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to obtain some credits from your establishment, on consideration of this blue marble elephant as collateral."

Ms. Whack knew immed...

So there’s this frog.

He just got married, and he and his wife are looking to buy a house. The only problem is, he doesn't have any money in the bank :(

He and his wife realize that their only choice is to try to apply for a pretty big loan. The frog heads to the local bank, and meets with the loan officer - a lov...

I have a knack for philosophical puns...

I guess you could say I have really found my nietzsche.

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A Frog Walks Into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank, and sees the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, “Hi Miss Whack, I’d like a loan of $50,000 for a vacation. You see, my name is Kermit Jagger, and my dad is Mick Jagger.” Surprised at the situation, Patricia replies, “Uh, well sir, I’m going to need some sort of...

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A Joke About A Ranch

An amatuer rancher has 3 chickens, 2 hens, 5 cows, 2 bulls, 4 sheep, and 6 buffalo.

One day, him and his ranch hand went to the market to get ranch supplies, but they left their back door wide open.

When they got back, they walked inside and found a huge mess.

The furniture was ...

In a very poor village in Vietnam, farmers had a feud because of a cow eating off the wrong rice paddy.

One farmer got so upset he hired the local hitman to off the cow. The village was so poor the hitman had no guns, so killed the cow by bashing it with a porcelain figure.

Police said it was the first case they ever saw of a Knick Knack Paddy Whack.

A dog wanted a loan for a new doghouse.

He picked up a valuable knick knack that he had sitting around and headed to the bank. Once there, he said that he wanted a loan, and was using the knick knack as collateral

The teller, named Patty Whack, looked at the knick knack and said that it wasn't valuable enough for the amount he wan...

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Granny went to the bank to deposit her $1M

She was greeted by the Bank Manager.

Manager: "Good morning, ma'am! That's quite a fortune. May I ask where did it come from?"

Granny: "I have a knack in gambling. These are my winnings."

M: "I have no doubt. However, our policies prevents us from accepting it due to anti money-...

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

Wack-em

A man confessed to killing a cow in a rice field today with 2 porcelain figures, officials say that this is the first confirmed case of a knick-knack paddy wack

Irish Man Murdered

Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome? It was a Knick knack paddy whack.

There was once a woman called Patricia Whack

She worked in a bank and generally dealt with secured loans. One day she calls for her next appointment when a frog hops into the room and sits on the chair opposite her. Confused, she asks "Can I help you?"
"Yes," says the frog "Kermit Jagger, I'm here for a loan, uh 100k please"
Patty is ta...

A frog walks into a bank for a loan...

A frog walks into a bank for a loan and is greeted by the teller.

“Well goodness me! In all 30 years of working here I’ve never once seen a frog come in! How can I help you today?”

“Well ma’am, I’ve come in for a loan.”

“I see. I can definitely help you begin the process for th...

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

A frog goes into a bank

“What can I help you with?” asks the Teller.

“I’d like to apply for a loan” says the frog.

“Oh” says the Teller “you need to speak with our Loan Officer, Miss Whack”.

The Teller leads the frog to Miss Whacks office and, informs her that the frog wants to apply for a loan. “What ...

A frog walks in to a pawn shop

And the owner, an Irishman named Paddy Mac, greets him. The frog takes out a small figurine, places it on the counter, and asks how much he can get for it. Paddy responds that he can’t give the frog anything for the cheap little tchotchke. The frog says, “But this *is* valuable; it was given to me b...

A frog walks into a bank...

So, one day a frog walked into a bank. He hopped on over to a teller and quickly eyed her name tag: Patricia Waak.

Frog: Good morning, Miss Waak. Such a lovely day outside, isn't it?

*teller just stares at him, because, well, he's a FROG.*

Teller: Uh, yes. Yes it is. How can I h...

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says

"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"

"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"

"One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I kn...

A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form....

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A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

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A frog goes into a bank for sizable a personal loan.

He finds himself at the desk of a man with a name plate that reads "J. Paddywack: Sr. Loan Officer"

Paddywack says, "This is quite an amount you're asking for Mr..."

"Richards," the frog says, "My dad, Keith, said you'd be able to help me."

"Um...yes. Do you have any collateral?...

I woke up this morning...

I woke up this morning to find all by books and knick-knacks scattered all over the floor.

I've only got my shelf to blame.

The anti-phonetic alphabet

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb...

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller

He sees from her nametag that the woman working at the counter is named 'Patricia Wack'.



"Hello Patricia." the frog says politely. "I'm here today because I'd like to borrow $200,000"



Patricia does a double-take, and looks at the frog incredulously.



"Y...

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A frog walks into a bank to apply for a loan

He addresses the teller by the name on her name badge and says "excuse me, Ms. Whack. I need a loan."

She says "Holy shit, a talking frog!"

"Actually my name is Kermit. And I need a loan."

"You're Kermit the frog?"

"No but I was named after him. My dad is Mick Jagger. He...

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A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into the bank and points at the nearest teller. "You! What's your name?"

"It's Patty," says the teller.

"Last name?"

"Whack. Can I help you?"

"Yeah," the frog says. "My dad is Keith Richards and you're gonna give me a loan. I need $3,000 before I leave to...

A frog walks into a bank

He’s greeted by the receptionist “good afternoon sir, welcome to first national bank, my name is Patty Zwack, how may I help you?”. “Hello Patty, I would like to apply for a loan” said the frog. “Well” said Patty “we usually require collateral, something valuable we can retain if you fail to repay t...

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Kermit the frog walks into a bank...

He wants to get a loan and so he speaks to the bank’s loan officer, Mr. Paddywack. Mr. Paddywack asks Kermit how much money he wants to borrow and what is the purpose of the loan. Kermit replies that he needs $5,000 to fix up his lilly pad and to do some other swamp maintenance. Mr. Paddywack is int...

A murder-for-hire occurred in a rice field using small china ornaments as the weapon

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

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A Frog Walks into A Bank

Patricia (Patty) Mac worked as a loan officer for a bank. One day a frog walks into her office.

“How may I help you” Patricia asked.

The frog replied, “I would like to take out a $20,000 loan”.

“You, a frog, wants a loan”?

“Yes, please”.

Patty runs his credit ...

Muhammad Ali has two boys.

Both of them head strong and talented like their father, vigorously passionate about their sport. But neither of them took a liking to boxing. They actually had an uncanny knack for driving, or rather, the opposite of driving. They could put a car into perfect position flawlessly every time, even in...

My grandpa used to take me ice fishing

We never got to spend too much time together, so it meant a lot to me to spend time with him. He was really getting on in age - his teeth were gone and he usually mumbled unless he was frustrated. You could understand him if he yelled, but that was rare since he was such a gentle soul. His mind w...

Eldarion, son of Aragorn, High King of the Reunited Kingdom, was bored.

In a time of peace, there was not much to do, and he was long tired of his jesters. So he called for all of his subordinates, and announced a new prestigious title to which all are given candidacy; the title of “Duke of the Best Joke”.

 

Not wanting to disappoint, Finance Mini...

Good evening welcome to the six o'clock news

Our top story today, convicted hitman confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain figures.

Police admit this may be the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

A frog walked into a bank

..and sat down at the desk of a loan officer. She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.

"I'm looking to take out a personal loan of $5000," the frog said.

The loan officer stared at him skeptically. "Do you have anything to offer as collateral?"...

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A frog walks into a bank

He goes up to the teller, Patricia Black, and asks to borrow some money.

“I don’t have any info on you,” she says. I’m going to at least see some collateral before we can discuss giving you any money.”

“No problem,” says the frog, who pulls out a small statuette.

“What’s this? ...

What do you call a murder over a set of porcelain figurines in the middle of a rice field?

A knick-knack-paddy-wack

(100% stolen from somewhere, I still think it's funny)

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A woman named Patty Black finally gets her dream job at the bank

She is told to handle loans, but to get the manager is the loan was strange or asking for an excessive amount of money. After an entire day of nobody approaching her, somebody asks for her attention. It takes her a while to realize, but it is a frog in a suit sitting on the chair in front of her boo...

A small local zoo is losing business because it has a terrible track record keeping its animals alive.

The customers are noticing the sickly animals and they're not coming back.

In a desperate ploy the zoo decides to hire a new position. They hire an ambitious young man to dress up as a gorilla.

"It's an easy job", they explain in the interview. "Climb up and down the ropes, swing on...

Why did the electrician become a news anchor?

He's always had a knack for current events.

A talking frog walks into a bank

and sees his favourite teller lady, patty mack, as he approaches the counter.
"I need a loan" he says, as the woman is wondering how on earth this frog is talking to her.
"How are you talking to me" she asks in disbelief.
The frog replies, "im the lovechild of kermit the frog and Mic...

So this frog goes into this Bank

He walks up to the counter and says "I'd like to take out a loan". The bank teller, who's name is Patty, argues with him, saying; "I cant authorize that, you're a frog, you don't have any collateral we can claim against you in the event of you not paying us back". The frog says; "look Patty, my dad ...

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The bastard frog love child of Mick Jagger

On a wild drunken night after one of his gigs, Mick Jagger gets involved in a really kinky and depraved orgy. Amongst the participants that crazy night was a party loving groupie frog called Freya.
A couple of months later, Freya noticed that one of her new little tadpoles was quite different t...

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan...

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan, walks up to the teller, sees her name tag and says politely "Hello Ms. Pattywack I would like to take out a loan." She asks him his name and he replies "Kermit McJagger". She then asks him if he has any collateral and he places a small elephant statue on the ta...

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A frog walks into a bank

A frog is looking to open up a new business, so he stops by his local bank to see about financing. His loan officer, Mrs. Paddywhack, is going through his financials.
"Do you have any collateral?" she asks. "We can't give you any money without something to secure the loan."
The frog pulls ...

A Chinese student is quite good with mental calculation

... but has this habit of looking up whenever he does heavy calculation. He is a third-year student in a university, major in Computer Science. And he works part time in a convenient store near his uni. He doesn’t speak much on his part time job, but he is honest, hard working, and is well mannered ...

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.
He meets the loan officer whose name is Mr. Paddywack. Paddywack says what can I do for you Kermit?
Kermit says I'd like to get a loan for $20,000.
Well that's a lot of money Kermit. What kind of collateral do you have asks Paddywack....

A man was killed by an assassin

An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.

Police claim it's the first known case of ...

Jesus and Moses

Jesus and Moses are in Heaven, fishing from a rowboat. As they were
fishing, they began to reminisce the miracles they performed when they
were on Earth. Just to see if they could still had the knack, they
each decided to do one of their miracles.

So, Moses stood up and extended ...

Why are photographers good problem solvers?

They have a knack at looking at things from a different perspective.

So this is how my day went...

I woke up went to the store and bought a wooden turtle, then someone threw a hamburger at me, now I'm at home feeding my dog. So in conclusion I bought knick knack, got a patty wack, and gave my dog a bone.

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan...

He goes up to the lady behind the counter, and noticing her name tag, the frog says, "Hi, Mrs. Whack. I'd like to take out a loan."

She says "Well I don't know. We don't normally give out loans to frogs."

The frog says "Well, I want a loan."

She says "alright, well what's yo...

Home Loan Troubles

So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring "Paddywhack".
Kermit says "I want a loan". She goes through usual procedure then asks hi...

A frog hopped into a bank...

...dressed in a tiny tuxedo and approached the desk of first loan officer he saw.

"Good afternoon, madam. I am Francis the frog and I'd like to take out a $5000 loan."

The loan officer sat stunned for a moment then shrugged and smiled, "I'm Patti Black and I'll be happy to assist you. ...

Bank Loan

A young girl, named Patricia Wack, starts a new job as a loan officer at the bank.

A frog walks in an asks her for a loan, she looks at him for a moment amazed that a frog could talk but proceeds professionally.

He needs five hundrded dollars for a new business venture and is willing...

So there's this blonde...

and she's sick and tired of being stereotyped as the dumb blonde, so she decides to dye her hair and move to another city. After she died her hair brown, she packs up her things and leaves for the new city. Driving down a barren country road on the way there, she starts to get really hungry. With no...

A frog goes into a bank for a loan.

He goes up to the first available banker, Ms. Patty Hwak. He says, "I'm going on vacation in 2 weeks. I'd like a vacation loan of $50,000. Don't worry, I'll be able to repay. My father is Keith Richards." The banker knows nothing of this frog, and is prepared to deny his loan request. The frog says,...

A mobster killed an Irishman with a porcelain doll

He was accused of knick-knack paddy whack

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A frog walks into a bank...

...and walks up to the teller, Pat E. Black.

"I'd like to take out a loan"

Pat asks the frog, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small insignificant trinket. "This is all I have"

Pat laughs. "We can't take that."

Th...

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I will be doing some themed jokes from now on. Theme 1: Business

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral? "
The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the e...

A frog walks into a bank...

to get a loan. He waits in line and when the teller calls him he walks up to do his thing.


"Hi, I'm Patty Black, what can I do for you today?" she asks.


He replies, "I'm here to get a loan."


"Well what do you have for collateral?"


"All I have is this antiq...

A Frog goes into a bank to get a loan

He approaches the woman at the loan application desk and notes that her name tag reads: Patty Whack. The Frog says, "Excuse me, I'd like to apply for a loan." The woman, very surprised that a talking frog was in her bank immediately refuses, saying, "We only work with humans, no animals can get loan...

So Mick Jagger has a pet frog...

The frog decides he wants to buy a nice boat and sail the Caribbean, but he needs to take out a loan to pay for it. So he goes to the bank and talks to Ms. Paddiwack, the personal banker, about getting a loan. He explains that he is Mick Jagger's frog and all about the boat. Ms. Paddiwack asks him i...

Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.

Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went ...

A Frog Walks Into A Bank

and approaches the teller who's name is John Paddywack.

"I would like to take out a loan for $100,000" the frog declares.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says "Since you don't have any credit with this bank you'll need a cosigner."

"No Problem" says the frog "My father is ...

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A frog walks into a bank

Heard this one on Norm MacDonald's show/podcast so he gets the credit. It's better delivered in live, but here it is:

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan. He walks over to the bank teller--her name's Whack (nametag says Whack).
Frog: "Yes, I'd like to get a loan."

Teller: "A loan...

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An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary...

The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's i...

A frog went to the bank to take out a mortgage.

He sat down with Patty Mack the banker, and began the negotiations.

His credit score wasn't bad, but when it came to the subject of collateral, he was a little unsure. Collectables and other odds and ends were all he had to offer.

Patty was not convinced. No car? No property? Littl...

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Jeffrey vs. Clown (long)

Jeffrey is a young man growing up in a small, mid-century town. He's a sensitive, bookish type, but overall Jeffrey is a nice guy with a good heart. One day, the circus comes to town. Having nothing else to do (as there was no internet or video games in that time), Jeffrey decides to buy a ticket....

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Give the frog a loan.

A frog hops into a bank and approaches the teller, "Please, ma'am," he says. "I need to take out a loan so I can feed my family."

"Do you have any sort of photo-ID?" The teller asks.

"No," the frog replies. "But I do have this!" The frog pulls out a small golden elephant.

The te...

'The victim was beaten with a porcelain angel figurine, suspect confirmed to be an Irishman'

'I guess you could say he was Knick-Knack Paddy Whacked.'

A dog walks into a bank and asks for a loan...

The teller says "What collateral are you offering?"

The dog leans across the the counter, looks at his name tag and says "Here's the thing Mr. Wakk, can I call you Patrick? I'm actually Keith Richard's son. So you know I'm good for it."

The teller says "I'm sorry Mr. Dog we're still go...

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So a frog walks into a bank . . .

The frog walks up to Ms. Whack, the loan officer and sits down.

“What can I do for you?” She asks.
“I would like a loan, please.”

The loan officer tells him the terms then explain that typically the bank requires some sort of collateral to make a loan. The frog reaches into his sa...

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