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Subtle Jokes

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Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put yo...

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What's the subtle difference between Saddam Hussein and a sperm?

One comes from Baghdad, the other cums from Dads bag.

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I've been told my jokes are too subtle. I once told a rapist a joke about consent.

But he didn't get it.

What do you call a subtle Norse god?

Low-key.

Some say the "e" in the word "subtle" is silent

But I just pronounce it subtly.

There are subtle cultural differences between between Abu Dhabi and Dubai.

The people in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.

Subtle

The person who made the word subtle really knew what he was doing with the 'b'.

When journalists quote you, they have a subtle but unmistakable way to call out your grammatical errors.

It's a [sic] burn.

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit...

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man looks good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue sui...

A friend told me that he started but couldn't complete a book called "the subtle art of not giving a f**k"

I replied - "but I think you got the point regardless!"

Vaginas are like snowflakes

While they all appear to look the same, each of them has a subtle difference – making them all uniquely beautiful

Also, it’s fun to catch them on your tongue.

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I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

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I think my wife is dropping subtle hints that she wants pearl earings for her birthday

Because every time I try to cum on her face she turns head to the side.

Three Things I Enjoy...

Subtle jokes, irony and the Oxford comma.

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NSFW A farmer sells his peaches door to door

A peach farmer decides to sell his peaches door to door. He knocks on an apartment door and this gorgeous lady wearing a teddy opens the door.
The farmer stutters in surprise and asks if she would like some peaches. He shows her one and “says they are firm, subtle and very nice to the touch.”...

A Russian soldier and an american soldier are drinking at a bar

The Russian says "I'm impressed by american propaganda. It's so subtle but effective."

The american responds "What are you talking about, we don't do propaganda."

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Writing a book called "The Art of Not Giving a Fuck". Will I get into legal trouble?

The difference is subtle.

My friend asked me what the word "subtle" meant.

I couldn't figure it out, the answer is not very obvious.

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I was looking for a subtle way to describe my penis...

...and then I went to /r/minimalism...

An interview with a vampire

An interview with a vampire.

Interviewer: Voad, You have been living for the last 5000 years, in almost every country on the planet. You have seen rulers come and go, empires rise and fall. Please, tell me what you have done to occupy yourself during this time.

Voad: Well, I have tak...

A man is away on vacation and phones his brother to see how things are at home.

\-Hi Gary, how's everything going?

\-Oh, not so good. To start your cat died and...

\-Hold on a sec, Gary. You don't ruin someone's vacation and give bad news just like that. You have to be subtle. You could've just said "Oh, the cat's up on the roof right now" or something, so I do...

What’s a artists favorite drink?

Subtle-tea

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I used to date a twin a few years back. People would ask me how I could tell the difference between the two.

It was in fact quite easy. There were subtle but notable differences. For example my gf had a small birthmark right below her left ear on her neck and she always painted her nails a ruby shade.

Her brother Dave had a cock.

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Here is a useful information you need to know : Orthodox priests are allowed to get married. That explains why the priest is believed to have a wife. Now read the joke.

A man from a small Bulgarian (Orthodox country) village had an insurmountable desire to sleep with the local priest's wife. In order to ensure that the priest would not come home in the wrong time the man asked a good friend of his to find a way to keep the priest in the church for long enough. The ...

A little prick in Church

This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionall...

A man goes to a restaurant.

Man: May I please have a roasted duck?


Waiter: Sure Sir.


*About 20 minutes later...*


Waiter: Here's your roasted chicken.


Man: But I didn't order this?


Waiter: I know Sir.


Man (slightly annoyed): What is this then?
...

An American woman is hiking through Germany...

She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the wom...

How do i rub one out in my pants?

its a subtle art and i cant seem to grasp it

A pregnant woman afraid of giving birth asks her doctor for a solution

Long but one my dad told me 10+ years ago.

A woman and her husband go and talk to their doctor about her fears of child birth. She says she is far too afraid of the pain and worries that she will not be able to endure it, she asks the doctor if there is anything at all that might lower the p...

A guy walks into a pawn shop, there's a brass statue of a cat.

He asks the shopkeeper, "How much for the statue?" Shopkeeper replies, "$20 for the statue, $20,000 for the story." He says various unkind words, pays $20 and takes his statue.

He walks down the street, but he starts hearing a murmuring noise behind him. Something small and subtle, he can't p...

In German Prisoner-of-War camps, escapes were a a major problem.

The officers would try to break the prisoners’ spirits by making them do mindless things. In particular, they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, ‘tick tock tick tock.’

Some prisoners, unable to escape or otherwise change thei...

I thought of a morbid joke

But I'm not gonna make it.
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My girlfriend said this with another joke in mind but I thought the way she brought it up made a nice subtle joke on it's own.

Why is it so hard to explain a pun to a kleptomaniac?

They don't understand the subtle nuances of the English language, so they can't pick up on the double entendres needed to appreciate a good pun. It may be a generalization, but in my experience that's how it works out.

A science teacher asks her student to stay after class because he repeatedly doesn't hand in his homework...

"Billy," the teacher says, "If you don't hand in your homework one more time you will fail the semester."

"But I have a reason for why I haven't," responded Billy.

"And what is that?" Asks the teacher.

"Well, we have been studying multiverse theory, so that means that there are ...

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A businessman met with the hitman on the rooftop as planned

"Look at those bastards cheating on me, in my own bedroom!" The businessman picked up a monocular and looked into the house across the street. "Like I said on the phone,I want them to die slowly.Shoot the fucker on the dick or something."

"No problem." The hitman set up the sniper rifle and l...

There are visitors among us

They look like humans, and come in every shade and build that humans normally appear in.

We don't know whether they mean us harm or not.
It's good to be wary, but it's important not to provoke them, as their nature is unknown.

It may be frightening to think about, but there are subt...

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A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator when...

... a handsome young man enters on the next floor. He is absolutely stunning and both women are enamored. He smiles politely at them and selects his floor, turning around to face the door in process. That is when both ladies noticed he had a horrible case of dandruff.

The brunette whispers t...

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A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff...

...they all die and go to Heaven. As they were approaching the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter comes out to greet them:
"My dear sisters, welcome to Heaven”, said the apostle. The nuns were thrilled to meet him, but he proceeded without delay: “Please form a line while I go back inside to get somethin...

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Two turtles.

Two turtles were crossing a road in the desert. One turtle called to the other, who was several feet ahead, “Slow down. If you spend your life rushing around, you won’t notice the subtle, meaningful things that make life worth living.”

“Hurry up,” responded the other to the laggard. “Life sh...

A rabbit enters a bakery ...

... "D'you had 100 pieces of buns?"
"No we don't have that many," answers the baker.

On the next day, the rabbit comes to the bakery again.
"D'you had 100 pieces of buns today?"
"I'm sorry, no, we still don't have that many," the baker says.

On the third day the baker is...

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Miss Davies wants to teach her class about Hearsay, so they enact a game of "Telephone"

She arranges the students in a circle and turns to her first student, Peter. She whispers "The box jellyfish has 24 eyes, and a lifespan of less than one year" to Peter and tells him to pass the message on. As she watched the message being passed on, she noted the subtle look of enlightenment in eac...

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Women are like Wine

(I've submitted this one to another thread before, let's see how it goes here)

A man sits in his study, a book in his hand and a full glass of inky cabernet by his side. There's a sheepish knock at the door. "Come in," the man says without lifting his eyes from the page.

The door crea...

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This is such a bad joke but my brain made me write it out so I'm making all of you suffer, too.

A man named Martin absolutely hates elections, and when it comes time to elect a new mayor, or president, Martin never bothers to vote. He also makes it known to people that he hates elections and never participates in them. Martin is into cars, and constantly brags about his Ferrari, which also vex...

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Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

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