Christmas Shopping Jokes

Bob and Sue were in a local shopping center just before Christmas.

Sue suddenly noticed that Bob was missing, and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone. Sue asked, "Bob, where are you? You know we have lots to do."

Bob said, "Do you remember the jewelry store w... read more

After hours of traipsing around toyshops and hearing their kids ask for every item on the shelves, they were totally fed-up. Weighed down with the bags, they squeezed into the crowded elevator to take them to the parking garage.

The husband sighed aloud to nobody in particular, “Whoever star... read more

The winternet

Because that's when they get pajamas on Prime.


It's okay, even I would downvote this.

I take a size large in student loans.

He likes to beat the crowd.

The man walked inside to get a better look, and the owner of the shop approached the man.

"That's Chet," the owner said, "He's a very special parrot."

"What do you mean special?" the man asked.

The owner struck a match and held it under the parrots left foot and Chet began to... read more

Turns out it was the Salivation Army

Hurt like hell, but healed very quickly.

He said, "Aisle B, back."

So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.

Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping.

The judge asks, "What were you charged for?"

The women replied, "Doing my Christmas shopping too early."

When the judge asked her how early, she said, "Before the store opened."

“What exactly is the charge?” he asked counsel.



“The man standing before you is charged with doing his Christmas shopping early.”



“Shopping early?” the judge replied. “Well, what’s wrong with that?”



The prosecutor replied, “He was doing his shopping befo... read more

Judge: Alright, what are the charges.

Defendant: Your honor, I am an innocent man. My only crime is doing my Christmas shopping early.

Judge: That's certainly not illegal. Out of curiosity, how early were you shopping.

Defendant: 3 hours before the store opened.

For example, I asked my friend's daughter what she was into and she said "anything Frozen" so I bought her a bag of peas and some Pizza Pockets. Easiest Christmas shopping ever!

A Dad took his two boys, ages 4 and 6 to a diner for lunch while out Christmas shopping. The waitress asked the older boy what he wanted and he said, "I'll have a damn cheeseburger!" Angry that his son had cussed, and in public, the Dad reflexively back handed him off his stool. The waitress, nonp... read more

WHO SAYS doing Christmas shopping early avoids the crush? Last year, I did mine a full 12 months in advance, and the shops were just as busy as ever.