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Prostitutes and slot machines are sorta alike...

They're fun to play with until they take all of your money

A woman selects a large zucchini from the local Deli

The guy behind the counter asks politely if she would like it sliced, she replies "What.. Do i look like a slot machine to you?"

Some African animals playing cards in Las Vegas.

Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah!

Cheetah: No, your Lion!

Warthog: You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices.

Elephant: Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGIN...

A man is panhandling outside a casino in Las Vegas

He approaches a well-dressed couple, thinking they have some cash, and says, "Please, could you spare ten dollars? You see, my wife is sick and needs an operation. My insurance won't cover it all, and I need to come up with $25,000 to pay the hospital before they'll even consider scheduling her su...

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Gambling jokes

**Husband**: How do you lose $150 in the slot machines!

**Wife**: You lost $15000 at the tables!

**Husband**: Yeah but I know how to gamble.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_



**Bettor**: My god, I had a terrible day today. I lost 15 ou...

A couple move to Nevada and the husband hits it big at the casino

He rushes into his house and yells to his wife,

"Pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot!"

The wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The husband responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon."

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.

A G...

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A woman walks into a green grocers.

She asks the man behind the counter for a cucumber.

He asks her: "Whole or sliced?"

She replies: "I've got a fanny, not a fucking slot machine!"

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A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored..

A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored and decides to grab a slushie. Still bored and with business being slow he grabs a porno magazine and starts "reading" it.

Just then three elderly ladies come into the store. With his pants down and hand on his junk the clerk hurriedl...

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