Slot Machine Jokes - 12 Hilarious Slot Machine Jokes

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Prostitutes and slot machines are sorta alike...

They're fun to play with until they take all of your money

What do you win at a Mongolian slot machine?

Yakpot.

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Woman goes to Green Groceries

Woman enters the green groceries and says "I would like a cucumber please"

Shop assistant asks if she wants it whole or sliced.

"I've got a fanny not a fucking slot machine" she replied.

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Slots

A woman is on vacation in Las Vegas, playing the slot machines. It's her first time in a casino, so she asks a casino employee, "How does this work?" The worker shows her how to insert a bill, how to hit the spin button, and to operate the machine's release handle. "And where does the money come out...

A man is panhandling outside a casino in Las Vegas

He approaches a well-dressed couple, thinking they have some cash, and says, "Please, could you spare ten dollars? You see, my wife is sick and needs an operation. My insurance won't cover it all, and I need to come up with $25,000 to pay the hospital before they'll even consider scheduling her su...

A couple move to Nevada and the husband hits it big at the casino

He rushes into his house and yells to his wife,

"Pack up your things. I just won a million dollar slot machine jackpot!"

The wife replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"

The husband responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon."

Gambling in Vegas

My friend came back from Las Vegas once. He told me the slot machines are easy to win big at. He went to town in a $20,000 Nissan, left in a $360,000 Porsche.

I thought "nice, I'm going to get in on that." So I left for Vegas in my $30,000 Toyota. Came back in a $800,000 vehicle.

A G...

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I used to bartend for this popular place off a rural highway in my state…

I used to bartend for this popular place off a rural highway in my state. It marketed itself as a tavern, to get tourists to come in and buy a bite to eat, but the locals knew it by the name of the former owner, Pete.

Pete had died a few years before I started working there. His younger broth...

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This dude dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter sees him show up and says “Holy shit, you’re the first person that’s ever come up here that’s exactly at 50% good and 50% evil. Not sure if I should send you to Heaven or Hell. This is crazy. Tell you what, since you’re exactly even I’m gonna let you choose”.

The dude says “Oh, wow...

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A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored..

A man working at a convenience store gets a little bored and decides to grab a slushie. Still bored and with business being slow he grabs a porno magazine and starts "reading" it.

Just then three elderly ladies come into the store. With his pants down and hand on his junk the clerk hurriedl...

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Gambling jokes

**Husband**: How do you lose $150 in the slot machines!

**Wife**: You lost $15000 at the tables!

**Husband**: Yeah but I know how to gamble.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

**Bettor**: My god, I had a terrible day today. I lost 15 ou...

Some African animals playing cards in Las Vegas.

Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah!

Cheetah: No, your Lion!

Warthog: You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices.

Elephant: Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGIN...

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