Car Dealership Jokes - 55 Hilarious Car Dealership Jokes

a cowboy opens up a German car dealership

Audi Partner

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A man walks happily into a car dealership with an emu.

A salesman walks up to the man and asks, "Can I help you?" The man replies, "I would like to buy your most expensive car." Humoring the man with the emu, the salesman leads him over to a Bentley and says, "This model costs 204,572.99 dollars." Without missing a beat, the man reaches into his pocket ...

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A Man Walks Into a Car Dealership

A man walks into a car dealership and sees the car of his dreams.

He walks up to it, and gives it the whole over/under but can't find a price listed anywhere on it.

He runs his hands along the door and when he does, he accidentally lets out a loud fart. He looks around quickly to see i...

I wish my girlfriend wasn't so obsessed about her breast size. Even a trip to the car dealership became embarrassing.

She told the guy she wanted something that'll get her from A to B.

What do you call a car dealership owned by a former coroner?

Rigor Motors

A snail goes into a car dealership....

and he asks "What's the fastest car in this place?"

The car dealer takes him to a super-fast Lamborghini. "This one right here, it will do two-hundred eighty kilometres per hour."

"And do you do custom paint jobs?" The snail asked.

"Yes sir, absolutely anything for our customers...

A man walks into a car dealership

A Russian man walks into a car dealership to buy a new car. The salesman says, "I am sorry sir, due to the war and sanctions, all cars are spoken for. I have a waiting list, but it is so long that it will take 10 years to get your new car."

The man says, "Well, I might as well get on the li...

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A man stops at a car dealership

He's appalled at the cost of vehicles. He moves from the new lot to the used lot, but the prices are still out of his price range.

A sales man walks by and asks if he can help. The man explains his situation. In response the man motions for him to follow. They walk around to the back and fin...

What happened to the car dealership when they ran out of KIA's?

They sell Nokia's now.

I was in a car dealership.

"Can I take this one for a test drive?" I asked the salesman.

He said, "Sure, I'll come with you."

Ten minutes later I pulled up outside my university and said, "Thanks, buddy. I think I've made it in time for my exam."

A snail walks into a car dealership...

A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.

The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, t...

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A lady walks into a car dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a salesperson doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman.

With a pl...

A car dealership in Sweden began selling glasses as a secondary front.

They’re calling it “Eye-Kia”.

I walked into the a electric car dealership,

I asked them how much they charge.

My mom runs a car dealership and I am getting my new car from there.

My mom asked me "So will you be writing a cheque?"

I replied "Not today! It's my cake day. I get Free Karma"

An old snail walks into a car dealership

An old snail walks into a car dealership and tells the salesman he's looking for the flashiest, most expensive sports car he's got. The old snail explains he's been working hard and saving his whole life and this car is to be his reward.

The salesman is thrilled and shows the old snail a brig...

A texan walks into a car dealership.

”Howdy partner.”

”Sorry sir, we don’t sell German cars here.”

*confused silence

Why did Beethoven go to the car dealership?

For a lease

So a snail walks into a car dealership..

He goes up to the dealer and he says, "Alright, I want it cherry red, with white-walls, and leather seats, and I want a *big* 'S' painted on the the side." After he rings it the dealer looks at him and he says "I understand white-walls and leather seats, but why the letter 'S' on the side? "Well" th...

I got arrested for breaking and entering a car dealership ..

In my defence, the salesperson told me I could sleep on it.

A car dealership twice the size...

...can offer a whole lot more.

Once, A snail made its way to a car dealership

In the car dealership, the salesperson asked what kind of car he wanted. The snail didn't specify any colors, brand, or design because all he wanted was a very fast car. However, the snail did have one odd request. The snail wanted a giant letter "S" painted on each side of the car. When the salespe...

A snail walks into a car dealership...

and is immediately greeted by a salesman.

"I want your finest car", says the snail.

So the salesman drives up in a brand new, pearl white fully loaded Rolls Royce.

The snail is very excited. "Excellent. Now before I pay for this car, is there something else you can do for me?"<...

A snail goes in to a car dealership

and asks the dealer as he's buying a lovely red speed demon..

"Before you deliver it to my house can you put a big 'S' on each door, one on the bonnet and one on the boot.

The dealer agrees but asks why.

"Well" the sail replys "when I drive down the road I want every one to say....

A snail goes to a car dealership

He sees a blue sports car and falls in love. Immediately he runs (slides?) to the salesman and says, "I need that blue car!"

"Okay. Come back tomorrow, and it will be ready." The salesman replied.

The following day, the snail returned to find the car waiting for him in the lot.
...

My friend is always complaining about the Swedish car dealership he works at. Today I had enough and finally said I don’t want to hear anymore of your

Saab stories

Three former sorority sisters meet up for a reunion homecoming game and start talking about life has treated them since college.

The first says that she couldn't be happier. She married a man who owns a Mercedes Benz car dealership. They live in a beautiful home, she drives whatever new Mercedes that strikes her fancy, and they are living a life of luxury.

The second mentions that her husband was just a councilman in t...

Car Dealership Screw Job

A patrolman was making his evening rounds in this small town. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

“Heavens no, we bought it,” repli...

I went to a car dealership last week and saw a Lamborghini that really caught my eye. I'm just waiting for my paycheck now....

So I can pay for an Uber and go see it again.

A snail goes into a car dealership...

A snail goes into a car dealership and asks for a race car, but says he will only buy it if they paint a big S on it. The sales men is curious about this odd request, but they don't get this offer every day so he agrees.
A week later the snail crawls into the dealership to buy the car. He crawls ...

How did the new trucking and RV car dealership advertise its coming soon business?

It put out an extra long trailer in front of the establishment on tv

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

Cargo Space

So, a man goes into a car dealership. He asks the dealer, "cargo space?". The dealer replies "car no do that. car go road."

The Rich Husband

A cell phone on a bench in the locker room of a gym rang and the man next to it put it on speaker, so everybody could hear.

Everybody immediately stopped talking to listen in on the conversation.

WOMAN - "Hello?"

MAN - "Hello."

WOMAN - "Hi, honey, are you at the club...

A Polish man moves to Korea and tries to find work

He looks for work everywhere but can’t find any, until after thorough searching he lands an interview at a car dealership. The man is interviewed by the boss, who not only has a poor grasp on English, but he also seems to have a very hard time getting his name right. The man tries to explain his nam...

A (Soviet Era) Russian walks into a car dealership....

....and tells the salesman he would like to order a car. The salesman says "okay, your car will be ready in 5 years."

The Russian responds "okay, that's not a problem. Will it be delivered in the morning or the evening?"

The salesman, flabergasted, responds "It's 5 years away, how co...

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Working at the car dealership.

I was working at a car dealership and it had just recently rained when a large tractor trailer slid off the road into the grassy ditch. We decided to help pull it out so we hooked a chain to the tractor trailer and hooked the other end to one of the trucks we sell. But our truck just got stuck in ...

Mr Snail was always being teased by the insects

for being so slow. Eventually, he just couldn't take it anymore and went to the nearest car dealership.

"I want the fastest sports car you have," he told the salesman, "and make sure to paint a huge 'S' on it, so everyone will know its Mr Snail's car!"

So now, every time Mr Snail driv...

Stanley the snail

There is this Snail named Stanley.
On his 16th birthday he asks his dad for a new car
His dad says “yeah ok you’ve been a good snail”
So they go to the car dealership and they pick out a bright red sports car. But Stanley wants more, he wants everyone to think ,”that’s Stanley’s car” So ...

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A guy decided to see a prostitute for the first time in Vegas. (NSFW)

The man was recently divorced and just wanted some action. So he walked the streets and found the best looking hooker he could find and took her to his hotel room.

The guy asked the hooker for a hand job, and she said, “sure, that will be $500”

“$500 for a hand job? Are you insane”...

Snails.

A snail walks into a car dealership. The car salesman greets the snail politely and asks what he’s looking for. The snail says that he just wants a really fast car, and the salesman shows him the ones with a high max speed. He slaps the roof of one, and says “this is the last one that’s built for sp...

Three Chinese brothers

Bu, Chu and Fu came to America to live their American dream.
Bu changed his name to Buck, went into banking and became very rich.
Chu changed his name to Chuck, got a car dealership and also became rich.
Fu decided to go back to China.

Two Business owners are talking to each other

The first business man is about to retire and he says to the second one,

Man 1: "I can't believe that my son is the only one that can take over the business."
Man 2: "What do you mean?"
Man 1: "My son is an idiot. Watch this."

He calls his son into the room

Man 1: "Son, h...

A man wins the lottery...

[*I heard this joke for the first time as a 13 year old at a family party. So imagine my mild mannered German 70 year old great uncle calmly telling this joke to the whole table. I had never heard him tell a joke before. It's still one of my favourite jokes*]

A man wins the lottery after year...

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4 guys are on the golf course...

One of the guys gets a phone call so he turns around and takes his call. Meanwhile the other 3 guys start talking about how successful their sons are.

The first guy says, "My son is so successful. He started out as a car salesman and he was so good at it he made enough money to open up hi...

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Four men are out golfing...

Four men are out golfing one day, when at one point they ask one of the guys to go fetch them some beers, which he does so. The remaining three men start a conversation about their sons.

"My son is a successful realtor. He just got a new house last week!" Says the first man.

"That's no...

A woman joins the army....

A woman was walking through a store when she noticed a colorful flyer pinned to a billboard. It reads:

JOIN THE ARMY NOW! You will receive benefits such as:
• Free college education
• Many veteran benefits
• Experience in many fields of work
• Travel
• Any free car after a sp...

An ex-con goes out on a date...

So an ex-con is walking around the mall with his girlfriend after dinner, when they happen across a Jewelry store. The girlfriend eyes one of the necklaces on display in the window and says, "Wow, I'd sure love to have a necklace like that around my neck!" Nonchalantly, the ex-con smashes the wind...

Hope You Get a Laugh

Three elderly men were relaxing on the beach in Florida.

One said “I owned a factory in New York state. One winter, the heat didn’t come on, the pipes froze and got water everywhere, and everything was ruined. I decided I was too old to start over, so I took the insurance money, sold the plac...

Which car will you get in heaven?

Three guys are standing in heaven, their names are Greg, James, and Tony. They are at a car dealership, and an angel asks them "were you faithful to your wives?" Greg answers "yes, I never cheated on my wife." He is given a new Lamborghini. The angel then asks James if he ever cheated on his wife. H...

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Old man and trophy wife

An old man walks into a car dealership with his young trophy wife on his arm. He walks up to the manager and says, "I want to make deal with you. If you can do three things that I can do, I'll buy your most expensive car with cash plus 10% extra for you. If you can't, I get the car for free."
...

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Four guys go golfing.

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.

The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.

The first man says, “I'm really proud of my ...

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A man wakes up for work, and in the shower he hears a voice in his head

"Sell everything you own, fly to Las Vegas" the voice says.

The man is confused, but shrugs it off and assumes he just imagined it. He gets out of the shower and brushes his teeth. After he gets dressed, he heads into the kitchen to make a quick breakfast. As he's looking in the fridge, he he...

Trump is taking a walk along the potomac

Suddenly, he trips and falls in. His secret service agents can't get him out, but 3 teenagers playing on the opposite bank save him.

Elated, Trump tells them he'll get them anything they want.

The first one says he wants a brand new house, and Trump calls his banks and sets aside mon...

A Husband's Generosity

A group of men is at the gym club when a cellphone rings. One of the men answers:

"Yes?" he answers

"Hun, is that you? I can hardly hear you."

"Hello!"

"Are you at the gym?"

"Yes!"

"I'm in front of the fur shop and they have this beautiful mink coat. Can I ...

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