Italians Jokes - 35 Hilarious Italians Jokes

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The Greeks vs. the Italians A Greek and Italian were debating who has the superior culture.

The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italian says, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks says, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italian says, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours...

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's witnesses?

Italians don't like ANY witnesses.

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Greeks vs Italians

Sure, it was the Greeks who invented sex.
But Italians were the first ones to introduce it to women

A Russian mobster goes to meet Italian mafia

As soon as Italians notice him, they scoff. "You're not real gangster."

"Why not?" the Russian asks.

"Do you own a 4 story mansion?"

"Well, no."

"How many limousines you own?"

"Limousines? None."

"And where is your solid gold necklace?"

"I, I do not ...

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An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper...

An Italian sniper and a Greek sniper are perched in a tower overlooking the city of Nancy in France during World War 2. They have been lying down, silently staring down the scopes of their rifles for what surely felt like weeks at that point, and after a few hours of inactivity, the Greek sniper sud...

Why are the Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

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Italians do it better

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he...

My father once asked me if I knew the difference between heaven and hell…

“In heaven” he said, “the Italians make the food and the British run the government”

He then paused and said, “In hell, the British make the food and the Italians run the government”

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two italians

Two Italians were talking on the bus. One of them says to the other, “Emma comes first, then I come, then two asses they come together, then I come again, then two asses come together once again, then I come again, pee twice, then I come one last’a time.”

Another passenger responds with, “Wel...

Why do italians love soccer?

Because halfway through they get to switch sides

What do you call an area with a large amount of poor Italians?

The Spaghetto

What’s a kinky Italians favourite pasta?

Fetischini

Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are ~~German~~ American, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

COVID-19 is like Pasta

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

How do italians say goodbye?

Pasta La Vista.

A friend was complaining about Italians. “Damn those Italians and their slanted eyes!”, he said.

I replied, “I think you mean *italics*.

What kind of coffee did Italians most enjoy during the 1940s?

Oppresso.

Why don't Italians do bondage?

Because they can't say the safeword while they're wearing handcuffs.

Where do Italians watch food programs?

On the tagliatelle!

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An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex

Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians!

Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!

Why are Italians always locked out of their houses when they get home?

Gnocchi

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Italians have always copied good inventions from other cultures and made them exceptional

Beretta took Walthers's designs and made them sexy

They discovered noodles from china, removed the dog, and created pasta

They stole the idea of arches from the Etruscans and built colosseums and aqueducts

They took the gladius from celt-iberians and conquered the world with it<...

Why don’t Italians use contractions?

Because they don’t make a pasta fee!

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Pornhub has announced they will be giving Italians under quarantine due to covid 19 free premium access

Talk about coming together when things get hard.

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Two Italians enter the bus in New York and start very noisy conversation:

" .... 'em come first, then I come, two asses together, I come again, two asses together, then I pee, pee again and I come in the end... "

An old lady nereby can't stand it any longer and says:

" You pigs, what a shame to discuss your disgusting sexual life on public!!!! "

Itali...

What does a group of Italians say when they start a diet?

Ciao belli

The Italians set up two telecommunications networks. They called them Data-1, and..

...Dissa-1

What do Deaf people and Italians have in common?

They both talk with their hands.

Why cant you trust Italians at an award ceremony?

They've been known to rig a Tony

Why do Italians prefer manual cars?

Because their hands need something to do.

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2 Italians at a bus stop

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come...

Do you know why so many Italians are named Tony?

Because when the immigrated to America, they put stickers on their lapels with To N.Y.

Why do brits stir coffee clockwise and italians do it anticlockwise?

To dissolve the sugar

I Germans and an Italian

At the end of WW2, as the Allies were starting to win, there were 3 prisoners of war held together in a cell. Two were German officers and one an Italian soldier. The men were to be held for questioning.
The first day the Allied soldiers took the first German in to be questioned. The guards sit...

How did the Euro Cup leave Wembley with the Italians?

Via the South Gate

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