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Ireland Declares War on France

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," the President of France ...

What do you get when you hit a poodle with a bulldozer?

A puddle

UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.

This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!

(Credits to /u/canalavity and /u/chrisjd)

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

Why did the dog chase the bulldozer?

It doesn't like Cats.

What’s yellow and hurts when it gets in your eye?

A bulldozer.

What do you call a sleeping cow?

A bulldozer.

Three park rangers are walking together through a wintry forest when they come upon a tiny leprechaun, shivering in the cold.

The leprechaun asks the rangers for help escaping the snowy forest, and tells them that whoever can come up with the best and kindest way to transport him out of the forest, will be granted his pot of gold.

The first ranger offers him a limousine. “You will be in the lap of luxury as you are ...

What's the worst cat to have on your lap?

Probably a bulldozer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new store opened up in our town called Store E

It started off as a small store, but as they got more money, they added more items and extended their store several times. It go to the point I had to walk for 10 minutes to get to my favorite jerky. So one day I rented a bulldozer and to make a long Store E short, I bulldozed half the store

I feel that Disney is taking the "Rainforest Cafe" theme a bit to seriously

I was just sitting there eating when they bulldozed half of the place down.

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

Probably only amusing if you work in construction...

3 construction workers went on a hunting trip - a crane operator, a laborer, and a surveyor. The three spent a good hour walking through the woods, looking for the laborer's tree stand before they realized they were lost. Looking around, they had no way to figure out which way to go to get back to t...

I think the Rainforest Cafe takes the whole rainforest theme too far.

This one time I was sitting there eating my chicken tenders and they bulldozed 40% of the restaurant.

What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep?

A bulldozer.


I just made this up. I apologize for my self and my entire ancestory that led to this.

The rainforest cafe is getting to realistic

I was just sitting there enjoying my chicken tenders when a bulldozer destroyed 30% of the cafe

A bus full of journalists is on its way to Mar-a-Lago.

The bus veers off the road and overturns. Emergency vehicles rush to the scene, only to find Trump with a shovel in his hand, and Stephen Miller on a bulldozer.

A paramedic asks " What happened to all the passengers ? "

Trump says " They were all dead, so we buried them ! "

...

What do you call sleeping male cattle?

Bulldozers.

Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest cd,

not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers.

Air Force One Vanished

The Air Force One vanishes somewhere over a remote farm. Quickly, a rescue party is sent to the last known location. Instead of the plane, they just find a farmer on a bulldozer.

Rescuer: "Have you seen the presidents plane anywhere?"
Farmer: "Yeah it crashed on my field about an hour ag...

How do big yellow machinery fall asleep.

they bulldoze

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching some construction workers today

outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.

I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...

It was...

A math teacher invented something.

A math teacher invented the worlds first underwater bulldozer.

He called it his 'Sub-tractor.'

animal football

The animals were bored.

Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field...

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