UPJOKE
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I put a " No Flyers" sign on my front door

The next day I was sent Two Emus and an Ostrich

I received a flyer on anger management the other day

I lost it.

Paddy and Murphy were walking back from the pub together when they saw a job flyer posted on telegraph pole. It read “Tree-Fellers Wanted”

Paddy turned to Murphy and said “it’s a shame Seamus isn’t here, we’d be perfect for that job”

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

If you see a flyer on a telephone poll, don't take one of the phome numbers off of it.

It's surely a rip-off.

A duck walks into a pub

And waddles up to the bar with a newspaper under his wing and says

"I'll take a tuna sandwich and a coffee."

Now at first the bartender was a little taken aback because afterall how often do you see a talking duck? But being a good host he obliges his patron and serves up a tuna san...

A worried flyer asks a statistician...

"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". “But I fly a lot,” said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, “Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.”

People need to stop putting flyers on my car.

I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."

My neighbors came around the neighborhood this morning with flyers complaining about how someone stole their delivered dinner from their front stoop last night.

If you ask me, it feels like an overreaction for some poorly seasoned vegetables, overcooked salmon, and the lemon-tinged green beans, all of which had already gone cold anyway.

My dog ran away, and I made a bunch of flyers I need to post. I need your help r/jokes

I've been told no one reposts more than you guys.

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New Job!!

A young guy living in Boston recently became unemployed and he immediately went to the nearest job center where he noticed a flyer pinned to the job board seeking a "Gynecologist's Assistant to work at a newly-built 'Soothing Approach Gynecology Center', no experience required".
He was very inter...

Why were kamikaze flyers a bad weapon?

Because all the good ones died in practice.

A young man becomes a born again Christian after reading a religious flyer at his college.

He doesn’t initially tell his girlfriend, justifying the embarrassment as natural to any young infant in the faith. But in the following weeks his commitment escalates dramatically, and he takes up a position as a Christian missionary to Uganda.
One day the dreaded phone call wakes him up. Ob...

I saw a flyer on a pole saying, have you seen my cat?

I called the number on it and said NO. I try to be helpful whenever possible.

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

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A little boy lived next door to a fire station...

He would watch in awe as the fire trucks left the station with sirens blazing. The kid decided he was going to become a fireman. So he grabbed his radio flyer and stuck a makeshift ladder on it. Then he found a piece of old garden hose. He was well on his way. He remembered his plastic fireman's ha...

A woman joins the army....

A woman was walking through a store when she noticed a colorful flyer pinned to a billboard. It reads:

JOIN THE ARMY NOW! You will receive benefits such as:
• Free college education
• Many veteran benefits
• Experience in many fields of work
• Travel
• Any free car after a sp...

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Comeback school

One day a man offers to take his son to the circus, which is coming to town in a few weeks. The boy is so excited and feels like it takes forever for the big day to arrive. Finally, it’s time to go to the circus. They arrive early and get front row seats, sodas and peanuts.

First the juggl...

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A 40 years old man goes to a circus show

He went there to remind himself of his most precious childhood memories, but mostly because the flyers advertised a pretty peculiar act.

The clowns, the animals, the magicians, all did their part but by the end of the show enters a little old man in his seventies, wearing a bathrobe. The old ...

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Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

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A manager of a small restaurant just discovered that someone in their town tested positive for COVID-19

The manager calls a meeting of his three employees--an Italian, a Scottsman, and a Japanese man.

The manager says to the Italian, "Sanitize everything in the kitchen!"

The manager then says to the Scottsman, "Make new to-go flyers! All our new dishes need to be on there!"

The ma...

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Talking Dog

A woman walks into the store and sees a flyer.

"Talking Dog Looking for a New Home. $10"

The woman thinks "this is interesting, I should go check it out."

So she goes to the address listed and asks to see the dog. The owner brings her to the back yard where a black Lab is sittin...

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A dad and his kid got into a fight

The kid was so mad at his father that he left their house later that night. About a week later the parents where really concerned so they set out flyers saying “Lost kid, Reward: $200” Soon enough the kid saw one of the flyers so he pulled it down and ran the other direction. Four days later the kid...

Nervous about flying

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it
didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering.

I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll tak...

A joke my art teacher told my class

There was a little down in Italy with a church with a bell. The priest would have to run up 80 flights of stairs to reach the bell and ring it to show the people it was noon. Now, the priest was old and could not longer walk up the stairs and ring the bell. He decided it would be best to find an ass...

What do you call a doctor with two black eyes?

A frequent flyer.

Eventually, Quasimodo dies and the Bishop immediately decides to hold auditions for the position of Notre Dame's bellringer.

After all, nobody lives forever. The bishop posted flyers all over Paris and the French countryside in the hopes that somebody, anybody could be half as good as Quasimodo was.

At the end of the day after a long week of holding auditions for disappointment after disappointment, the Bishop i...

Vacation

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis, Minnesota, who decided to go to Miami Beach for a few days to thaw out during one particularly cold winter. The airlines have crazy frequent flyer rules, and the wife ended up on a flight the day after her husband. The husband made it down to Florida ...

A man went to the doctor's, concerned about his liver...

The doctor asked: "When do you typically drink?"




The man replied: "i drink when flying. Calms the nerves."




The doctor sat back. "I see. Would you describe yourself as an alcoholic? Perhaps alcohol isn't the issue after all."




The man thought fo...

Hugh Hefner was sitting in the Playboy mansion, admiring 'the view'

He then heard there were a group of people at the door, trying to sell him flowers.

He went out and said, "Can I help you?"
"HI sir! We are from Rainbow Florists and would like to know if you want to buy some beautiful flowers for your beautiful ladies?"

"Get the hell off my propert...

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I just flew into town, and boy are my arms tired

...I'm a real nervous flyer, so I spent the whole flight just jerking it in the bathroom.

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A fly, a fish & a cat.

So a fish was sitting in the pond watching the fly hover above the pond. He thought to himself "If that flyer drops 6 inches I could be eating." Little did he know on the bank there was a cat watching the fly and watching the fish and the cat thought to himself "If that fly drops 6 inches I could ju...

How did the semi-literate blonde drown?

After years of seeing the billboards and flyers, she decided it was time to do her part to help shave the whales.

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Spider Webs

There was once a young biologist who was researching the eating patterns of spiders. There wasn't much demand for biologists in his local area so he worked as a taxi driver by day, it was a steady job but there was long hours and pay wasn't very good. He spent his nights collecting spiders and bugs ...

A friend emailed me this joke. I hope it's not a recent repost! A travelling salesman is visiting a small town in southern Georgia, when...

...he spots a flyer on a telephone pole advertising a circus and carnival held by the locals for charity. But what REALLY catches his eye was the extra-large-type proclaiming:
“Don’t Miss the Amazing Perfesser!”

Curious, he buys a ticket and sits through the usual circus acts.. animals, cl...

It just all depends on how you look at some things...

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Congressman Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid ...

A visiting preacher in a small town...

is driving around, looking for the town's small church where he will do a community wide sermon. However, he can't seem to find it. As he drove on, he noticed a little boy walking down the side of the road. The preacher pulled over and asked him, "Hello son, what's your name? I need help finding yo...

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