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Sex is like playing billiards.

You have a cue, you have balls, you have a hole and the important rule is that the white one must not go in.

I hinted to my friend that if he wanted to improve his billiards game, he should get better equipment...

...sadly, he took my cue.

Why can’t an autistic kid play billiards?

He can’t pick up cues.

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What do you call an inexperienced prostitute who cheats at billiards?

Snooker

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The animals in the zoo are bored.

The snake says "I know, we can play billiards" The elephant scoffs "How. we don't have a table?" The snake explains they can do tricks, and the other animals judge them as to how many balls they have sunk. So each animal does their best and the snake is winning, showing off he says to the elephant "...

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An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly as a result of the wife's interest in healthy diets and exercise.

St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. "How much...

A guy goes to a New Year’s Day party. There are hundreds of people, holiday music is playing.

A few groups of people are playing cards. Others are shooting billiards. Yet another group is sitting around a warm fire telling stories. Everyone seems to be having a wonderful time. Realizing he is hungry, the man gets in a large queue and starts chatting with an old friend. After many minutes ...

What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell from a tree and hit you?

A billiards table

Country Club Raffle

Every evening an older gentlemen would venture down to the local country club. This club had a large room in which there were several comfortable chairs, as well as a billiards table. The gentleman would enter the club, buy a cheap drink, sit in the same chair and read from his newspaper.

The...

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A man and his monkey walk into a bar

A man and his monkey walk into a bar. They sit down and order a drink.

The bar tender instantly recognises the man and monkey and says "*Hey, that's the monkey that ate the 8-ball off of the billiards table!*"

The man reassures him "*Don't worry, he won't be doing it this time*". So th...

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A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder...

He orders a drink, and the monkey starts wondering around the bar, touching and sniffing all the things. Eventually it picks up a pool ball, looks at it for a bit and swallows it!

The bartender sees it and disturbingly tells the man - "your monkey just swallowed a whole billiards ball"! The m...

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A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey

He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, his pet monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps onto a billiards table and swallows a pool ball.

The bartender screams at the man, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my table--whole!"

"Sor...

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So a guy walks into a bar with a monkey...

...he steps up to the bar and orders a drink. The monkey scampers over to the billiards table, picks up the 8 ball and swallows it whole. The bartender says "Hey, your monkey just swallowed the 8 ball." The guy replies "It's cool, just put it on my tab." He finishes his drink and leaves with his mon...

What two games does Carl Sagan play at the bar?

Billiards and Billiards

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