[Dad joke] How does Bigfoot tell time?

He's got a Sasqwatch.

Is Bigfoot here yet?

Not Yeti...

Bigfoot saw me today

I bet nobody believes him.

What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?

A big toe-truck

I'm hoping to find Bigfoot

But I haven't seen one yeti.

Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch.

Yeti never complains.

What does Bigfoot do to keep his glutes in shape?

Sasquats

Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?

The spag-yeti

What do you call a bigfoot with attitude?

A SASSquatch!


I'll show myself out.

Do you know the real reason Bigfoot is so good at hiding?

...he owes Chuck Norris money

What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?

A Susquatch.

How does Bigfoot know what time it is?

He looks at his sasquatch.



I made this up at work. It's a dad-joke for sure. I googled it and found no record of it.



What do I win?

Why is is that you only see bigfoot in America

Because you see bigmeters everywhere else

What do you get when bigfoot stomps on your garden?

Squash

What is Bigfoots favorite exercise?

Sasquats.

If bigfoot had a teenage daughter would she be classified as a...

Sass-quatch?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Bigfoot woke up with genitals on his face.

Sascrotch.

I was making a legend of Zelda joke...

I was making a legend of Zelda joke but it turned into a bigfoot joke.

It was missing a link.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bigfoot’s Wife called me to write his obituary

I said “more like ‘Oh bitch you hairy!’”



Needless to say I was uninvited to the funeral

Bigfoot is like a father to me...

... I've only ever seen him in photos, never in real life.

What do u call a female Bigfoot?

Snatchsquatch

TIL Bigfoot could be used for supressing sarcasm.

He was a sass quash.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot

I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease

I’m watching Finding Bigfoot

Spoiler alert: They didn’t find him.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

There have been reported sightings of bigfoot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Bigfoot have a nice butt

Because he does sassquats

Ya know what's rarer than bigfoot?

A BMW driver that uses their turn signal

What's bigfoot's favorite food?

Sasquash!

2 Yetis meet on a dating app

2 Yetis matched on a dating app one day. One was American, the other European. In spite of American Yeti’s peculiarities and the yawning physical gap between them, they hit it off. Having gone back and forth for a little while, American Yeti asks European Yeti for a picture. European Yeti happily ob...

What did the Italian bigfoot say when someone yelled, "Hey Abominable Snowman, are you ready to go?"

"Not-a-Yeti"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's even harder to find than Bigfoot, UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster, and diamonds in Minecraft?

The real download button on Softpedia.com

Everyone on the planet is chasing imaginary monsters with their phone

But when I do it I need to "grow up" and "quit looking for Bigfoot."

Did you guys see that episode of Finding Bigfoot last night? [SPOILERS]

They didn't find Bigfoot.

What is Xenocryptozoology?

Xenocrytpozoology is the study of animals that aliens don't believe in. It's the inverse of Cryptoxenosociology, which is asking Bigfoot if he believes in Aliens.

If what they say about the size of a man’s package being related to his shoe size is true...

No wonder everybody’s looking for Bigfoot.

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.

Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"

Big Catholic ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists on Facebook on this joyous day of days.

These guys were brainwashed by the government to cover up Lincoln's murder because Kennedy's assassin really hated marathons. Especially the ones run by Disney every year because he was a nazi and everyone knows nazis are hiding on the dark side of the moon purposely keeping weed from being legalize...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Donald Trump go for a walk in the woods...

...And they get completely lost. They are now wondering through the forest for hours, weather is starting to get worse, night is coming, its getting cold, its not looking good. Sad. When suddenly they spot a light coming from the nearby mountain, so they head on towards it.

When they get ther...

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