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Bigfoot Jokes

[Dad joke] How does Bigfoot tell time?

He's got a Sasqwatch.

Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch,

Yeti never complains.

How does Bigfoot know what time it is?

He looks at his sasquatch.



I made this up at work. It's a dad-joke for sure. I googled it and found no record of it.



What do I win?

What do they call Bigfoot in Europe?

Bigmeter.

I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster.

But I still have never seen a BMW driver use his turn signals.

What kind of vehicle does Bigfoot drive?

A big toe-truck

What do Bigfoot children play at recess?

Hopsquatch!

What do you call a Bigfoot shredding guitar in the woods?

Yeti Van Halen

Bigfoot

Why do bigfoot hunters try to lure him out with mating calls? Do they have a game plan for if a sasquatch comes barreling towards them out of the woods, with a raging hard on?

Did you hear about Bigfoot's promotion at work?

He had big shoes to fill.

What is Bigfoots favorite exercise?

Sasquats.

What do you get when bigfoot stomps on your garden?

Squash

Two Bigfoot's Are Walking Around the Woods

One Bigfoot looks just like you know him. Second Bigfoot also has a big fat rear-end, cheeks swinging and bouncing.

Second Bigfoot says: "It was bad enough when they just called me Bigfoot."

What does Bigfoot do at the gym?

Sasquats

Is Bigfoot here yet?

Not Yeti...

I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot

I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease

Sasquatch bigfoot audio recordings

....scientists said its unreal.

What does Bigfoot do to keep his glutes in shape?

Sasquats

Bigfoot is like a father to me...

... I've only ever seen him in photos, never in real life.

Do you know the real reason Bigfoot is so good at hiding?

...he owes Chuck Norris money

What’s the difference between Bigfoot and Amber Heard ?

Bigfoot won’t sh*t in your bed.

Bigfoot saw me today

I bet nobody believes him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Bigfoot woke up with genitals on his face.

Sascrotch.

A barber, a hairdresser, and bigfoot walk into a bar...

You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.

Why is is that you only see bigfoot in America

Because you see bigmeters everywhere else

When Bigfoot made love to Scarlett Johansson we expected him to brag about it.

Yeti remained humble.

What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?

A Susquatch.

What's bigfoot's favorite food?

Sasquash!

My friend said” No ones ever really seen Bigfoot”

I responded “ My cat’s names Bigfoot
Friend: “You don’t have a cat”
Me: “ Yeah no ones ever seen Bigfoot”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Bigfoot have a nice butt

Because he does sassquats

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bigfoot’s Wife called me to write his obituary

I said “more like ‘Oh bitch you hairy!’”



Needless to say I was uninvited to the funeral

If bigfoot had a teenage daughter would she be classified as a...

Sass-quatch?

What's Bigfoot's favourite exercise in the gym?

Sasquats

Did you guys see that episode of Finding Bigfoot last night? [SPOILERS]

They didn't find Bigfoot.

I’m watching Finding Bigfoot

Spoiler alert: They didn’t find him.

TIL Bigfoot could be used for supressing sarcasm.

He was a sass quash.

What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?

There have been reported sightings of bigfoot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's even harder to find than Bigfoot, UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster, and diamonds in Minecraft?

The real download button on Softpedia.com

2 Yetis meet on a dating app

2 Yetis matched on a dating app one day. One was American, the other European. In spite of American Yeti’s peculiarities and the yawning physical gap between them, they hit it off. Having gone back and forth for a little while, American Yeti asks European Yeti for a picture. European Yeti happily ob...

We as a species are so quick to judge.

I mean, Bigfoot could have been walking on his hands this whole damn time.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

What would you call Bigfoot if he were female?

Snatchsquatch.

I'm having trouble focusing on my work

said the bigfoot photographer.

I was making a legend of Zelda joke...

I was making a legend of Zelda joke but it turned into a bigfoot joke.

It was missing a link.

If what they say about the size of a man’s package being related to his shoe size is true...

No wonder everybody’s looking for Bigfoot.

Everyone on the planet is chasing imaginary monsters with their phone

But when I do it I need to "grow up" and "quit looking for Bigfoot."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Donald Trump go for a walk in the woods...

...And they get completely lost. They are now wondering through the forest for hours, weather is starting to get worse, night is coming, its getting cold, its not looking good. Sad. When suddenly they spot a light coming from the nearby mountain, so they head on towards it.

When they get ther...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists on Facebook on this joyous day of days.

These guys were brainwashed by the government to cover up Lincoln's murder because Kennedy's assassin really hated marathons. Especially the ones run by Disney every year because he was a nazi and everyone knows nazis are hiding on the dark side of the moon purposely keeping weed from being legalize...

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.

Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"

Big Catholic ...

A cloning experiment gone wrong

A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility....

What is Xenocryptozoology?

Xenocrytpozoology is the study of animals that aliens don't believe in. It's the inverse of Cryptoxenosociology, which is asking Bigfoot if he believes in Aliens.

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