UPJOKE
deinonychusprotoceratopsfeatherjurassic parkcarnivorechinabipedutahraptormongoliadromaeosauridaefossilpredatorstegosaurustriceratopstyrannosaurus

Velociraptor Jokes

What’s the difference between a velociraptor and a police officer?

The velociraptor can open doors.

What did the velociraptor say after his workout?

I'm a little dino-sore.

A T-Rex and a Velociraptor are sitting at the bar

The Velociraptor points to a Triceratops in the corner and says "Why is he getting served first?" and the T-Rex says "because he was herbivorous"

How do you find a velociraptor?

By taking the integral of the acceleraptor!

Me: http://imgur.com/H8rLjub

Everyone else: http://imgur.com/J3hC4Ci

Kids are like velociraptors

They're always testing the fences

How do you find a velociraptor ?

You divide the distanceraptor by the timeraptor

A velociraptor struts into a bar, and the bartender exclaims, "Hold up! We don't serve your kind here."

The velociraptor looks at him and asks, "What about humans?" The bartender, puzzled, replies, "Well, yes, we serve humans." The velociraptor grins, "Perfect! I'll have one of those, medium-rare, please"

A velociraptor on long island...

I made this up the other day. I don't have high hopes but what the hell:

One day a velociraptor moved to Long Island. He was sick of life in the jungle and decided to try new things. Walking down the street one day, the velociraptor noticed a 'Help Wanted' sign resting on a diner window. Thi...

What do you get when you take the integral of a velociraptor?

A Positioraptor!

If a velociraptor is running..

and he speeds up, does he become an acceleraptor?

What prehistoric animal is the fastest at wrapping gifts?

The Velociraptor.

Why can't we study the change of velociraptors over time?

Because then it would be an acceloraptor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who caught a STD after having sex with a velociraptor?

He’s got dino-sores.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pandas say on Halloween?

Bam-BOO!

That's the entire joke but this subreddit won't let me post such a short joke, so I'll tell a little story like one of those irritating-as-fuck internet recipe intros that gives WTMI.
My four year old is fascinated by finding the perfect joke. He'll often pick up on jokes from tv ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.