People who make counterfeit batteries....

Belong in cells

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are assholes and 9volt batteries similar?

Even though you know not to, you still put your tongue on them anyways.

What happens if you put the Energizer Bunnies batteries in backwards?

He keeps coming, and coming, and coming.

You know those boxes full of dead batteries you see in supermarkets? The ones due for recycling. Did you know you can just take them?

They’re free of charge.

Whilst clearing out the shed I found a box full of dead batteries.

I’m giving them away free of charge

A young woman approached a salesman in a department store and said, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."

The salesman motioned with his finger and said, "Come this way."

"If I could come that way," she snapped, "I wouldn't need the damn vibrator."

I was falsely accused of throwing batteries at people

All charges were dropped

Batteries have more in common with Jesus than humans do

They don't sin and they come back from the dead

Did you know Navy ships run on commercial batteries?

They run on 7 C's

A police officer came across a pair of boys eating fireworks and batteries

He decided to charge one and let the other off

There's a woman in the park sells batteries.

She sells C cells by the seesaw.

My remote control batteries died out today.

So I gave them away, free of charge.

What's a clock when you take the batteries out?

Ticked off.

Why didn’t the AA batteries work on my flesh light?

Because my flesh light only takes a D.

I know how batteries feel.

I'm not included in most things either.

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

A Thanksgiving day tip

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How did Thanksgiving go at your place?" the bartender asks. "Oh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend has a lucrative business supplying batteries for sex toys at the coast.

She sells C cells by the sea shore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How are women's buttholes and 9 volt batteries alike?

You know you shouldn't, but eventually you'll put your tounge on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple lived near

the ocean and walked the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing, she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.


Generally, ...

Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?"

Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid."

My mum has a small shop near the beach, where you can buy batteries ...

She sells C cells by the seashore.

I bought some batteries

but they weren't included

Modern batteries would not work without ionized lithium.

The ions appear to be pretty volatile, I've heard a lot of electronics factories are afraid of unionisation.

Batteries

This year I'm getting my kids a set of batteries for christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

As I was inserting my third battery into my new toy gift...

My dad remarked that this wasn’t the kind of puppy that needed batteries.

Merry Christmas!

I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, £2.50."

I thought “Why would anyone pay to see that?”

Passed an auto parts store today and saw a sign that read, “Dead batteries, $1”

I thought, those should be free of charge.

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm

Its loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel dizzy and sick.

What do batteries and anti-vax kids have in common

The people who make them always say they last longer than they actually do.

I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday

And now I’m banned from the pet store

I have a small, hand-held battery tester for sale.

Batteries not included.

I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

[FRONT PAGE!](https://media2.giphy.com/media/FGmbEOTVWQHzW/200_s.gif)

During my job interview I was asked: “After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries”

Apparently “through high voltage nipple clamps” wasn’t the answer they were expecting.

I totally understand how batteries feel...

I'm rarely ever included in things either.

I called my local recycling centre about what to do with old batteries.

They said they'd take them free of charge.

Why are phone batteries always so poor?

Because we keep charging them.

Want to hear a joke about dead batteries?

There’s no charge.

Little Johnny in class

A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with the letters 'tor' that also ate things.

The first little boy said, 'Alligator'.

'Very good, Jimmy, that's a big word', said the teacher.

The next little boy said, 'Predator'.

'That's also a very good wor...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.