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Basketball Player Jokes

Why do basketball players struggle to get women pregnant?

Because they dribble so much before they shoot.

Everyone knows of Yao Ming, one of the most iconic basketball players of his generation.

Far lesser known was his sister Rai, one of the preeminent female poets of her generation.

What do you call a Greek basketball player?

A hooplite

When a basketball player never misses a shot, he's a god...

When I never miss a shot, I'm an 'alcoholic'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I take a piss, I feel like a basketball player

Cuz I'm always dribbling

Why do birds make bad basketball players?

They're always committing fowls.

Smartest president

An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, 'I am LeBron James, the best NBA basketball player. The Lakers and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die.' So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2...

Why do basketball players love cookies?

Because they can dunk them!

My 5 year old grandson came up with this joke, and didn't even realize it was funny and made sense: Why did the basketball player go to the bathroom?

Because he was dribbling. 😊

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

Why can't basketball players go on vacation?

They aren't allowed to travel

What's a basketball player's favorite doughnut shop?

Dunkin' Donuts!

What did the Devil Worshiping basketball player say?

Baal is life

What does prostate cancer patient have in common with a basketball player?

They both dribble

An engineering student, a geometry major, and a star basketball player are trapped on a desert island

They’re debating how to get off the island or get rescued. The engineering student looks around and sees only a few palm trees and some coconuts.

“We need to cut down the trees and make a raft to sail away on.” He says and starts designing.

“We need a basketball to pass the time.” Th...

What’s the difference between Basketball players and Soccer players?

Basketball players get actual injuries.

My tennis career has taught me that I can be the best basketball player ever

Nothing but net

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

Why wouldn't Jesus Christ be a good basketball player?

Because he'd get crossed up

A basketball player, a Mexican, and a terrorist are all on a plane. Long

The plane is going super slow so they all got rid of some weight. The basketball player said, "I have a ton of basketballs, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The Mexican said, "I have a ton of tacos, I don't need this many," and threw some off the plane. The terrorist said, "I h...

Basketball players don't like to leave their home town

We hate travelling so much.

If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?

Depends

What do you get when a basketball player gets a lung infection?

LeBronchitis

What do you call a basketball player who smells really good?

Kevin Deodurant.

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The story of Rolph Louie, the worst basketball player to ever make it to the NBA.

There was once a basketball player named Rolph Louie, who somehow made his way into the Chicago Bulls. This decision to pick up Rolph for the roster made no sense to anybody; it baffled the commentators, the fans and even the players on the team. Rolph could barely dribble a ball...

In 99% of...

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What did the basketball player get when he went to Russia looking for free prostitutes?

Nothing but nyet.

What do you get when you cross a talented basketball player, and an untrustworthy royal vizier?

Kareem Abdul-Jafar; although these days I hear he's a magical genie who dabbles in writing Sherlock Holmes novels.

Why do male basketball players have a problem going to the bathroom?

Because they just can't stop dribbling.

What is it called when a basketball player from Boston attacks you in the ocean?

A Shaq attack

I heard paralympic basketball players are very selfish, they never pass

All they do is dribble.

Michael Jordan is wheeled into the hospital for emergency surgery.

He’s brought into the operation room and meets his doctors, but he notices something strange. In the corner, there’s a stage being set up. An anesthesiologist is repeating jokes to herself and wiping her brow. The MRI techs are handling a soundboard in the back. The head surgeon is tuning a guitar b...

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A doctor in a mental institution is making his daily rounds. Long NSFW

In the first room he visits he finds a man pretending to bounce and shoot a ball. He asks the man what he is doing, he replies “when I get out of here I’m going to be a professional basketball player!” The doctor says “oh that’s great!” And proceeds to the next room.

In the next room he find...

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So an engaged couple die in a car crash...

A very tragic occasion merely a week before their wedding, they were sorely missed by their family. Shortly after their deaths, they meed St. Peter, guarding the pearly entrance to heaven. They were both good people, led fulfilling lives, and so he has no problem letting them in to heaven, and even ...

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Why Pro Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs... (long but good)

1 Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the
kids to copulate me."


2 New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which...

Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, a priest, and a hippie are on a plane together when suddenly it starts going down.

There are only four parachutes but the pilot takes one and jumps out. Michael Jordan says "I'm the greatest basketball player ever, I should get to live." He grabs one and jumps out. Bill Gates says, "I'm the smartest man in the world, I should live." He grabs a pack and jumps out. The priest turns ...

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A circus is looking for new acts so they place an advert in the local paper

A few days later the circus' agent gets a phone call. "Hi I'm Jeff!" says the caller "I saw your advert and it sounds like my dream! I think I'm definitely talented enough to be in the circus!"

"Well ok Jeff, tell me about yourself, what's your skill?" says the agent

"I can skateboard!...

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My Old Teammate Ron.

So when I was in high school we had a standout basketball player (Ron) who was destined to be in the NBA in his life. As a sophomore, he was 6'7" 230, super athletic and was a star in any sport he played, but he loved basketball the most. One night he was out celebrating after a win and his buddy wa...

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