Barking Jokes

For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll gi... read more

Two neighbors (the Smiths & the Jones) haven't been getting along. You see, Mr. Smith leaves his dog outside all day and the dog never stops barking.

Finally, after not being able to hear himself think, Mr. Jones tells his wife: "I'VE HAD IT!" and he stomps outside.

Upon returning... read more

The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Caught off guard the cat immediately turned tail and ran. Seeing that the coast is clear, mama mouse came up to her ba... read more

A sub-woofer!

A: The dog, because at least it would shut up once it got in.

Now I have Rin Tin Tinnitus.

I wish my wife would stop ordering stuff via UPS.

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.

It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this."

She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to b... read more

Turns out he’s got irritable bow-wow syndrome

Toilette’s syndrome

They have collar ID

It turns out he was on Mala-mute

Move him to the front yard.

I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally an... read more

...So I took it off her, and scrunched it up into a little ball.

She was not impressed to say the least, and whined "how are we going to find our way now" as she un-crumpled the paper, "we're lost now".

I said "well you're not going to get anywhere with that latitude".

Shoot him in June.


From the old Adam West Batman, as told by Cesar Romero. Still the #1 Joker, apologies to Heath Ledger.

"Oh, **you** were talking? I thought a dog was barking."

"Eye Eye, Captain!"

Because solving problems are ruff.

He sounds like a sub-whoofer.

The dog quits barking once it’s back inside the house

Now she barks softly.

A husband and wife are having a hard time sleeping, given the fact their neighbor's dog is barking in the backyard all night long. Eventually, the wife tells her husband to go next door and get the dog to stop. The husband obeys and comes back a few minutes later.

"Okay, honey, that should so... read more

They don’t like to pay for barking

Just before the cat catches it, the mouse sees a small hole in the floor and manages to slip in. So it sits there, trembling in terror, not knowing if the cat is away or not.

Suddenly it hears loud barking - *Woof! Woof!*

'Oh, great,' the mouse tells itself. 'A dog came, chased the cat... read more

...they called it a diamond in the ruff.

And one says to the other do you want to hear a joke?

The second dog replies “sure dawg”

So the first dog says “knock knock”

And the second dog bolts it to the door barking loudly

Soon after the first dog goes and joins him

Bark bark bark

“Wow, your shovelers sound like dogs!”

Been laughing at that one all day.

"Muzzle him" the vet advised.

The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"

She's armless.