UPJOKE
blasphemysinchristianityadjectivecoprolaliafrench languagesocietyculturepejorativesacredreligionreverencedesecrationpaganukko

Bad Language Jokes

Dave was struggling with his parrot that was constantly using bad language, so he sought help from the vet.

“Every time the bird swears," said the vet, "Put it in the freezer for 15 seconds.”

Dave decided to follow the advice, and after trying it for the first time, found the parrot shivering and apologetic when he took it out of the freezer.

The bird said, "I'm sorry for all the bad langu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was playing golf with his local Vicar.

The man took his birdie put, but then a gust of wind blew the ball just wide of the hole. The man, being very bad tempered, then exclaimed "Damn - missed the bugger!".

The vicar said to the man "Please do not use foul language again."

They moved onto the next hole and exactly the same ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy is trying to sell fish...

A boy is trying to sell fish so he screams "Dam fish, get your dam fish here."

A pastor walks up and asks: "Why are you using bad language?"

The boy explains that he caught them at the local dam.

The pastor buys one and takes it home and tells his wife to "Cook the dam fish!"...

A woman goes to the pet store to buy a parrot

(Long)

She walks in and the merchant shows her the only parrot they have available. "I must warn you" the merchant said, "this parrot was owned previously buy a sailor and has very foul language". Well the woman, like most of us, thought she could change the parrot so she takes the parrot hom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny was playing with his train set while mother was in the kitchen doing dishes...

Chigga chigga chigga chigga hoot hoot. "The train has reached the station, all you mother fuckers getting on, get on and all you bastards getting off, get off.

Johnnys mom rushes out and yells at Johnny for his bad language and gives him a 5 min timeout.

6 minutes later she hears ...

A priest goes golfing with his nuns....

A priest who typically goes golfing with his friends every Thursday afternoon gets a call saying his buddies won't be joining him one morning. Still wanting to go, he asks three of his nuns to go with him for company. They agree, somewhat hesitantly.

On the first tee, the priest's shot lands...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The parrot and the prostitutes

A lady goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. One particular parrot is extremely cheap. She asks the pet shop owner why. The owner replies that it has spent some time in a brothel and has picked up some bad language. Always the spendthrift, the lady takes the parrot home with the intention of teachin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun and golfer are old friends and decide to have a game of golf.

On the first hole the golfer narrowly misses his target an yells "Shit! I missed!"

The nun is appalled and tells the golfer she does not approve of his bad language.

On the next hole the golfer again misses narrowly and again shouts "Arrrgh Shit! I missed!"

The nun warns him th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy was playing with his new train.

A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell 'All you sons of b*tches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you son...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A scruffy old drunk walks in to a bar...

... and says "give me a fucking pint and a whisky pal". The barman says "sure, but there's no need for the bad language though". The old fella drinks his pint down in one go and then pours the whisky in to his coats top pocket. The barman is watching this and just shakes his head thinking the guy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Car Salesmen

Two car salesmen were walking down the street one night, complaining about work.


"Boy, business sucks," said one to the other. "If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fucking ass."


Too late he noticed a beautiful woman standing on the corner of the street, ...

A man buys a second hand parrot

He brings the parrot home, and discovers that the parrot likes to swear a lot. He is not very happy with that, and tells the parrot:

"I will cover your cage with a blanket and you can sit in the dark until you stop swearing."

As soon as he covers the cage up the parrots starts getting ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.