This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bloody autocorrect strikes again...

The other day I sent my best mate a text saying, 'Hey Dave, do you fancy coming for a wank along the river?'

I mean, how embarrassing...

I meant 'canal'

The inventor of autocorrect has died

His funnel is tomato

My wife left me because of autocorrect

That's the last time she'll ever text me saying "Can you please bring home some milf from the supermarket?"

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I swear autocorrect is amazing.

No that's not what I said, I meant to say autocorrect is wonderful.

No! That's not it either. Autocorrect is a piece of technology I couldn't live without. Praise autocorrect.

Oh you gotta be kidding me. No one likes you autocorrect, they love you.

I didn't even type that.

I hope the guy who invented autocorrect

Burns in Hello.

Autocorrect Joke

Dear Autocorrect,

That's not what I meant to say and I'm getting real tired of your shirt.

I used to work as a Programmer for autocorrect...

But they fried me for no raisin!

Two autocorrecting iPhones walk into a bear





Autocorrect walks into a bar.

The bartender asks him what he'd like to drink.

"I'll have a bear. A bare. Bier. Briar."

Autocorrect slumps in his seat, defeated. The bartender chimes in.

"Hey hey, why the log fence?"

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I heard that the guy who invented autocorrect passed away...

May he rest in piss.

The guy who made autocorrect has died

Restoration in peace

Autocorrect is always spot on and genuinely helps me be more productive on my mobile device.

Autocorrect is your friend. Always and everywhere.

Why don't vampires use autocorrect?

Because they love Type Os

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It’s ok if your phone autocorrects “Fuck” to “Duck”

You’re still using Fowl Language.

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Autocorrect is a nuisance. I texted my friend to see if he wanted to go for a wank down by the river.

I meant the canal

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Autocorrect: *Gets one word wrong*

**Me:** gadammit fuck you autocorrect!!

**Also Me:** Rhrng ldjdnxh pvmfjs jshabdbc

**Autocorrect:** Did you mean “free wifi near me”?

**Me:** You’re goddamn right I did

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Damn You Autocorrect

A year ago, drunk and lonely, I stumbled upon Reddit by mistake when I was looking for RedTube. A year later the difference is obvious; one is a site full of naked people with no self respect, moaning and saying or doing all sorts of degrading things just to get some attention. The other appears to ...

Autocorrect keeps ducking up my joke every time I try to type it here for all of you.

Is it because of the fowl language?

The person who invented autocorrect walks into a barn.

He orders a bear.

Why can’t we get a smartphone that can properly autocorrect in/on?

It’s really starting to get in my nerves.

I really hate autocorrect

My girlfriend is mad at me because she thinks I want to kick her puppy

A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a bar

The priest has wine, the imam gets a Shirley Temple, and the bartender asks the rabbit, "what'll you have?"

The rabbit responds, "man, I dunno. I'm only here because of autocorrect."

I hate autocorrect

It makes me say things I didn't Nintendo

I hate autocorrect

It has become my worst enema.

Stupid Autocorrect...

Always making me write things I didn't Nintendo!

I hate autocorrect...

It fan cuck right off.

Really frustrating when autocorrect comes up with a *completely* different word just because you typed one letter wrong.

Someone told me there’s an easy fix,
I just hope they’re Rihanna.

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Autocorrect has once again fucked me over. I just accidentally messaged my mate asking if he fancied a wank down the river...

Bastard. I meant canal.

The inventor of autocorrect died today

His funfair will be hello on sundial

Did you know autocorrect was invented by an atheist?

He's going to he'll

I believe autocorrect was invented by history's most famous scientist.

Albeit Einstein would disagree.

The worst thing about autocorrect

It always makes me put words I didn't Nintendo

What's Autocorrect's blood type?

typo negative

We’ll we’ll we’ll…if it isn’t autocorrect.


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They say that, during sex, you burn off as many calories as running right miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

Edit: I appreciate all the real jokes in the comments.

As for the guy who invented autocorrect, well, there's a special place in she'll for him.

I feel like we should all cut the guy who invented autocorrect some slack.

I'm sure he moans we'll

Dear Apple: please stop autocorrecting things like “he HAD gone camping” and “he HAS gone camping”

Spelling mistakes are one thing, but don’t assume you know what tents I wanted to use.

In 2018 I've had a horrible relationship with autocorrect.

But hey...

New Year, New Mexico

Between typos and autocorrect it's getting hard to post on /r/jokes...

One tiny mistake and your whole post is urined.

Autocorrect Inspired Poem

It means no worries

For the rest of your days

Haiku na Mattatta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My autocorrect just changed "Defecate" to "Ejaculate"

I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

To the person who invented autocorrect...

There's a special place in he'll for you.

I should really turn off AutoCorrect.

Sometimes it helps, but usually it just ducks me over.

I'd love to find a way to turn the autocorrect off.

I'm tired of that shiv.

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A guy wanks into a bra

..damn, autocorrect knows me too well.

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How does the Autocorrect of an Alabama man word it when the man wants to demonstrate his happiness about something?

Fucking Niece

If autocorrect were really smart, it would know when I meant gave or have.

*have or gave

Autocorrect sucks! Look what I've sent to somebody in the office by mistake...

- "Next Tuesday I'll lick you, suck you and bite you all night!"

- Hahahaha, what did you want to say?

- Thursday

Whoever invented autocorrect

Should get tired

My autocorrect is finally suggesting swear words.

However, now I have to be careful when I'm actually talking to my mom about ducks.

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I knew a cop that was fired for gross misconduct.

sorry, fucking autocorrect...


A man was really stressed and his wife put her foot down and..

And finally made him do something about it. She told him he needed to buy a pet because she read that pets reduce stress.

So he takes an Uber to the pet store and is greeted by the owner, a very attractive woman.

Surprisingly, she suggests buying a couple dozen snails because the...

What's the difference between autocorrect and my kid?

Autocorrect knows every single word in english, except for swears.


The First Text Message

Dear John, this is Alan next door. I am sorry buddy, but I have a confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face, but I am at least now telling you in text as I can’t l...

Autocorrect has friend zoned me.

It said that it loves me like a brothel.

Selling an improved autocorrect?

Shut up and take my monkey.

My phone autocorrected "killed" to "kilt"...

Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.

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I hate autocorrect

I texted my grandma saying "Sex tonight".

I meant tomorrow

A few weeks ago I wrote happy Eid to the Muslims and autocorrect changed it to Happy IED.

It almost blew up in my face.

The inventor of AutoCorrect... a stupid mass hole. He can fake right off.

Autocorrect is like my girlfriend.

It always changes what I said to something I didn't mean.

I hate autocorrect...

It turns my writing into a total duckfest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Autocorrect: Without it you're fucked.

And with it you're ducked.

Another term for man-splainer is...


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex, intercourse and duck were sentenced to prison

Sex, intercourse and duck were sentenced to prison. The warder asked duck "I can see you're different from the new inmates, what was your offence?". Duck replied " I really don't know but I can bet I'm here because of autocorrect"

A priest, an imam and a rabbit went into a bar

"Sorry", said the bartender, "no animals allowed".

Said the rabbit "Damn antisemitic autocorrect feature!"

Oh that feeling

Autocorrect is my worst Enima.

We’ll we’ll we’ll

If it isn’t autocorrect...

What do you call a really awesome dessert?


(reposted because the original said desert, darn autocorrect)

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