Descartes Jokes

and orders a beer.

As the bartender serves him, he looks at the horse and says "hey, why the long face, pal? Are you depressed?"

The horse ponders for a second, scratches his chin, and says "I don't think I am" - and promptly disappears.

See, this is a joke about Rene Descartes'... read more

This is a reference to the Descartes quote "I think, therefore I am."

But if I had explained that earlier, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

~~The bartender asks him if he wants a drink.~~

~~"I don't think so..."~~

The bartender says "Hey, René, gonna have your usual?"

"I don't think I am."

Descartes disappears.

The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"

Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.

Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.

The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a goo... read more

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies ~~I don't think I am"~~ "I think not!" POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to... read more

Without thinking, Descartes ceases to exist.

Don't make me think. You wouldn't like me when I am.

He orders a really old and expensive bottle of wine and after a couple of hours when he's done drinking it, he stands up from his chair, planning to leave. The bartender stops him: "Sir you have to pay for this!", Rene stops and says "I don't think so" and dissappears.

Waitress: Sir, Do you want one more coffee?
Descartes: Umm..I think not.
-----He suddenly disappears-----

I don’t think therefore I am dead.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...

But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before... read more

He is drinking coffee and writing his philisophical thoughts. When he finishes his coffee the waitress asks him if he would like some more and he replies "I think so". He sits there for another half hour when he finishes his new cup of coffee. The waitress comes again to asks him if he would like an... read more

They're having some friendly banter, you know? Well, Descartes pops off with this: "Gotye, you're gonna be a one hit wonder, mate."

Gotye chuckles, saying: "No, I don't think..." as he turns into dust.

Now Descartes throws his head back, laughing, and says: "Now you're just somebody t... read more

Because he is.

He just wasn't thinking.

...when he finishes his meal, the waiter approaches and says "and will monsieur be having dessert?"

"I think not" Descartes replies.

Poof! He disappears.

René Descartes is sitting in a bar, drinking and going on and on to other customers about philosophy. He goes on and on into the night getting drunker.

The bartender asks Descartes if he'll have another drink.

"I think not," he replies and disappears in a puff of logic.

I am what I am, a plucked chicken.

After 5 minutes of general talk, the Bartender wonders what Descartes is doing there.

Bartender: Hey man, are you going to order a beer or what?

Descartes: I think not.

(Descartes disappears).

Just then he vanished.

He begins to slur words on account of the drunkenness and promptly turns into a yam

He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.

You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginnin... read more

René Descartes

A horse walks into a bar and says to the barman "5 whiskeys please!" before downing the whole lot.

The barman looks at the horse and says "That's quite a stomach you've got, are you an alcoholic?"

The horse says "I don't think I am". Suddenly the horse poofs out of existence.

Se... read more

Rene Descartes get home from work.

Wife: You forgot groceries again!?

Descartes: I'm sorry honey, I wasn't thinking.

*Descartes slowly fades from existence*

Aristotle - "what does it mean to be a good person"

Descartes - what does it mean to "be"

Nietzsche - "what does it mean"

Bertrand Russell - "what does 'it' mean"

C.S. Lewis - "what does it"

Lil Jon - "what"

René Descartes is walking around a party when somebody asks him if he’d like something to drink. Descartes answers, “I think not” and promptly vanishes.

Because you can't put Descartes before the horse.

All the world's greatest philosophers are gathering in France for the largest philosophy convention ever. Socrates, Descartes, Kant, etc have all made their way to Paris and checked into their rooms. Aristotle's invitation was lost in the time-travel post office and he didn't get the invitation unti... read more

It was a tragic example of putting Descartes before the horse.

After enjoying his meal, the waiter asks Descartes if he would like any dessert. Politely, he responds, "I think not," then immediately disappears.

Descartes is in a bar and has had many drinks. He then asks the bartender for another beer.

"Are you sure you can handle another? You've had a lot" the bartender asks.

Descartes replies, "I think not!"

*poof*

And he disappeared.

Descartes Blanche

...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.

T... read more

Some of the replies from the scientists invited:

Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.

Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.

Volta was electrified and Archimedes, buoyant at the thought.

Ampere was worried he wasn't up to current re... read more

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “why the long face?” The horse morosely replies, “my wife wants a divorce, she says I’m an alcoholic.” The bartender asks if he is, and the horse answers, “I don’t think I am” and promptly vanishes from existence. Now this is funny because it is a pla... read more

The first one orders one pint, the second one also orders 1 pint (astonishing the barman because he thought it was a repost), the third orders 1/2 a pint, the fourth orders 1/6th of a pint, the fifth orders 1/24th of a pint and so on. The bartender sees where this is going and says, "I'm all out of ... read more

Dr. Who was traveling through time and space, when he came upon a cache of the universe's best wise sayings. He loaded them into the Tardis and decided to set up a shop on a nice little corner just outside of reality to sell the sayings to the great thinkers and writers of all time. He advertised hi... read more