UPJOKE
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The American and the Irish National

An American was driving from Dublin up to Northern Ireland. At the border a group of IRA members surrounded his car and the leader approached him.

The leader asked "Protestant or Catholic?"

Startled, the American thought quick and said "Actually I'm nondenominational!"

The IRA ...

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irish man are on a plane that is about to crash...

And the pilot comes over the intercom saying if they want any chance of living they better chuck as much excess weight off the plane to help with the emergency landing.

The English man picks up his prize collection of rare novels and with a heavy heart chucks it out the plane.

The Sco...

Took my car to a mechanic the other day...

I said "Can you fix my headlights?"

They reply "No!"

I respond, "Well, can you check my radiator?"

Again, "No!"

I turn to him and say "Well, what **do** you do,then?!"

He responds "We're a front for the IRA!"

"In that case..." I say. "... Can you blow up m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mrs. Rosentein is walking her poodle down 5th Avenue, when she ran into her good friend Gladys Goldberg

"Gladys! It's been so long since I've last seen you, where have you been?"

"Oh, Blanche, Ira and I went on safari in Africa, and let me tell you, it was horrible!"

"Horrible? How was it horrible?"

"Well, first, Ira lost our tickets, so we had to fly coach all the way from New Y...

An Irish Republican Army soldier lies on his death bed.

One day, an IRA soldier lies on his death bed, dying of cancer. It's spread too far and couldn't be stopped. The doctor gave him his diagnosis, and only three days to live.

"Quick Moira," he says to his loving wife. "Enroll me as a member of the Ulster Volunteer Force."

"But why?" She...

An IRA member shows up to heaven gates

St. Peter looks at him and says:
"You're a good Catholic but many people have lost friend or family member because of your action.
I'm afraid I can't get you in"

"I'm not getting in anyway. You are the ones who need to get out. You have ten minutes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 90 year old man wins the Powerball for 400 million dollars..

He arrives at the press conference, accepts his giant check and teary eyed with joy proceeds to take questions from the media storm. First reporter asks "What is your full name?" He replies his name is Ira Mandelbaum. Second reporter asks "What are you going to do now?" Ira replies "First, I am ...

The IRA have been fighting for Irish reunification since the 70s. . .

All they needed to do was vote for the Conservatives.

My work offered to fund my retirement account in soup exclusively...

...I'm the first person to have a Broth IRA.

What’s Luke Skywalkers favorite type of retirement account?

A Hoth IRA

An Irishman, an American, a Mexican and an Arab board a plane with two suitcases each

Halfway through the flight, the pilot announces that the plane is rapidly losing altitude and that they must throw a suitcase each to lose weight.

The Irishman opens his suitcases: one has bombs and old IRA memorabilia inside, the other is filled with cans of Guinness for the trip. "There's t...

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, De...

How do Jedi plan for retirement?

With a Hoth IRA.

I'll see myself out.

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