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Exasperation Jokes

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked: “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”

The father replied: “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.”

With that the father went to the telephone and dialled a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said: “Hello, is Melvin there?”

The man answered: “There is no one living here named Melv...

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two guys go fishing every weekend. one weekend one of them doesn't show up.

The next weekend when he shows up they load up the boat go out in the middle of lake and start fishing. One fisherman turns the other one and says "hey buddy what happened to you last week?"

The fisherman shrugs and says "I got married and went on my honeymoon"

The first fisherman look...

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Don't wake Up Until Ten

Three men were discussing aging on the steps of the nursing home.

"Seventy is the worst age to be," announced the seventy year old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothing," said the eighty year ol...

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After trying and failing to agree on what to watch on TV, my wife threw her hands up in exasperation. "Do we even have anything in common?" she asked.

I responded. "Well, neither of us ever get blowjobs. Does that count?"

Homer

A little girl who was writing a school paper asked her father, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?" "It's mostly a matter of degree." the dad replied. " Let me show you what I mean". With that the dad picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. A man answered the phon...

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Who has seen...

A priest kept chickens at his village. One day the cock went missing. At the church mass prayer gathering, the priest asked, "Who has a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, I meant who has seen a cock?" he asked.

All the women got up.

"No, no, who has seen a cock that isn'...

A guy and his date decide to go to Lovers Lane.

It’s their third date and the guy is really excited to take things to the next level, but they’re both clearly kind of shy about it. So after they park, he asks if she wants to make out. She agrees enthusiastically, and they start kissing.

After a little bit, he pauses and says “hey, do you w...

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Old man Sitting on his front porch. (Long)

One afternoon he see a kid ride past on his bike with a roll of chicken wire. The old guy asks: "Where are you heading with that chicken wire son?"

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens down at the park".

"You don't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The old feller shakes his head ...

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Pissed Off

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink an...

School counselor

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
...

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Once upon a time there was a farmers wife with a problem

And that problem was her dog Jingles.

Every night Jingles would snore so loudly that she was unable to get a wink of sleep. In exasperation, she went to the vet who advised her "What you need to do here is go to your sewing kit and get a piece of ribbon. Tie that around his balls and he'll st...

Calling 9-1-1

A guy walks into a bar after a long day of work to relax and have a beer. Unfortunately there is a big group of young men crowded into the bar laughing loudly and carrying on. Finally, in exasperation, the guy calls 9-1-1. "Hello, 911, what is your emergency?" the dispatcher asks. "These men won’t ...

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A priest and a nun are playing golf...

The priest is taking shots while the nun counts how many holes he makes. The priest takes his first shot and misses, "oh shit" he exclaims. Father! Dont swear its a sin! The upset nun says.
The priest apologises and takes another shot and misses again; "oh shit" he says.
Father! Its a sin to ...

I used to date this German woman named Vera

Now, I make a lot of puns, and Vera always hated them and sighed annoyedly at them. Every pun I made: sigh sigh sigh.

We used to get into fights about it. Big, trench-warfare fights: I wanted her to stop sighing in exasperation, and she wanted me to stop making bad puns.

Eventually we ...

Every Trip

A businessman packing for a trip glances in his briefcase. "Honey," he says to his wife. "Yes, darling?" she replies. "Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "Why do you persist in putting a condom in my briefcase every time I go on a trip? You know I only have eyes for you. I'd never be unfaithful....

On a cold and rainy night a man cuts through a cemetery.

and falls into an freshly dug, empty grave. He struggles to get out but can't climb the wet,slippery walls. He begins shouting for help but has little hope as the rain is making a thunderous noise and it is late at night. A drunk, oblivious to the weather, is wending his way through the graveyard wh...

Two Irishmen walk past a shop window with a sign in it that says, ‘Suits £2 Shirts £1.50!!!’

One Irishman nudges the other with excitement and says, “We are going to make our fortune here today”, and they enter the shop excitedly.

They walk up to the counter and one of the Irishmen says “Can we get 50 suits and 50 shirts please?”

The lady behind the counter looks at them with...

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A deaf-mute guy goes into a pharmacy to buy some condoms

After looking around the shop for a while and being unable to spot what he wants, he goes up to the counter and signs to the pharmacist, who only looks at him in mild bewilderment. The deaf-mute pats his pockets for a pencil and paper only to realize that he's come out without any, and he resorts to...

A chemist walks into a pharmacy...

With a pained expression the chemist asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalicylic acid.

The pharmacist looks confused as he asks, "You mean aspirin?"

The chemist, still in pain replies with exasperation, "Yes! I can never remember that word." (Credit to Mr. Wilgus, my high school chemi...

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A man gets a prescription for Viagra...

That night he takes a big dose, and he and his wife have a wild night of passion.

The next morning, his wife says to him, "Dear, how about I make us some breakfast? Eggs, bacon, toast, maybe some fresh fruit?" The husband replies, " You know, I'm not really hungry. Maybe it's a side effect...

The visit to Jerusalem

Mr Goldman & his nagging wife of 30 years once went on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. Through out the plane ride, down to the taxi ride to the hotel she nagged him persistently.
While in bed , the nagging continued. The next day Mr Goldberg woke up to discover his wife had died peacefully in her...

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A young married couple decides to join a church...

They attend a few introductory classes and meet with the pastor, who will decide whether they'll be approved for membership.

The pastor says, "Well, as you may have heard, we take fasting pretty seriously here. And Lent is just around the corner. I'd like to ask you to do something that may s...

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