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Amputees Jokes

I just came up with this one, and I feel embarrassed, but... Researchers have found a personality trait common to all people missing a limb from birth, but NOT among amputees.

.. they're all stubborn.

Most people think amputees are dangerous

But they’re armless

How do amputees win video games?

Single-handedly

Why do amputees make good thieves?

Because no one's going to charge them with Armed Robbery.

What do you call karate for amputees?

Partial arts

What’s an amputees favourite store?

The second hand store

Why don't foot amputees really care when they lose a game?

Because they are used to being defeated.

I’m going to a charity event for female amputees this weekend

That place is gonna be *crawling* with chicks

What’s the difference between somebody who doesn’t drink milk and somebody who dislikes amputees?

One is lactose intolerant, the other is lack toes intolerant

Amputees that don't have both arms biggest nightmare at work

Being hands on.

Does the body burn fewer calories in a day in amputees?

Yes. By an arm and a leg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep hearing about this benefit for female amputees

I have never been, but I hear it’s crawling with pussy

Why are amputees good assassins?

Because they don't leave fingerprints

What’s the difference between someone who can’t eat cheese, and someone who hates amputees?

Ones lactose intolerant, the other is lack-toes intolerant

Amputees make horrible detectives

The know they are missing something, but they just can’t put their finger on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like my amputees like a good meal at KFC

Must have at least two breasts and a leg.

Why are amputees the easiest to subdue?

They’re always unarmed

Where do amputees get prosthetics on a budget?

The Secondhand store.

How can you tell if amputees are vegan?

They lack toes.

A group of amputees have escaped after a violent bank robbery,

one armed and dangerous.

What type of fighting technique do amputees practice?

Partial arts.

Amputees will not find this joke funny:

Actually, I'm going to cut this joke short.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a porn site for amputees?

PornNub

I hate how people treat amputees differently.

Just because they're missing a limb or two doesn't make them any less of a person.

Amputees can be pretty stubborn.

You've really got to hand it to them.

I was hoping 2019 would be a year where people stopped getting offended by everything, but boy was I wrong. All I said was "I hope you start off the new year on the right foot"

Damn amputees

I want you to know I'm not racist...

Like I said. I'm not racist. I have nothing against people of color, any kind of spiritual belief, or any political backing.

However. I do have something against amputees. I don't know what it is about them, but I just feel like they're missing something.

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