I visited my Great-Grampa yesterday and found him in tears with emotion

When I asked what was going on, He answered:

So many years ago, I fought in World War I. At some point, I saw a German, he saw me, we both aimed at each other but he was quicker and shot first. He missed me. In shock, I just ran away, never to see him again… or so I thought.

You see, s...

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

A mummy calls a restauraunt.

- Hello, I would like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird agin, jackal's head and a scarab.

A young farm couple, Homer and Daisy, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love.

When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.

The problem was their nooner: it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.

Fi...

Conductor

One day, a train conductor is walking down the aisle making sure everyone has a ticket. As he’s making his way down he sees the mayor, he asks the mayor for his ticket and the mayor says “dang I must’ve forgotten it in my car” and the conductor says “no ticket, no ride” and he throws the mayor out o...

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A Woman Takes Her Secret Lover Home During The Day While Her Husband Is At Work.

Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The Woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The ma...

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A man walks into a small diner, carrying a huge cat under his arm...

he puts down the cat and orders twenty hamburgers and ten bottles of beer.
He recieves the hamburgers, feeding them to the cat, which swallows them within a few minutes, then he downs all the beer, not even flinching once, puts his hand in his pocket taking out a large ammount of money and slammi...

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Sean's been to the pub drinking stout all evening.

He's very drunk and it's late. 

The barkeep announces "Last Call!"  Sean protests and the barkeep tells him, "Sean, it's time ya drink up a get yeself home."

Sean hoist his drink and drains it and commences to get up from the bar stool.  
Thud! He lands arms and legs akimbo on the...

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