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After Death Jokes

What comes after death?

A Necrophiliac

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact. “Judy, Judy.”<...

Life after death does exist!

Just not for the person that died.

Do you believe in life after death?

A Boss Asks his Employee: “Do you believe that there is Life After Death?”.

Employee: “Certainly not Sir, there’s no proof of it”.

Boss: “Well, there is.... After you left office early yesterday to go to your cousin’s funeral, he came here looking for you.”

What do you call an erection after death?

Die Hard.

“Do you believe in life after death?”

Asked the boss to his employee.

“No, I don’t.... why do you ask?”

“Well, your grandmother who died and you took off yesterday to go to the funeral for....

She stopped in this morning to say hi to you!”

Peace after death..

Husband: My dear, what ll you do after my death?

Wife: I can't live without you. I would die as well and come with you.

Husband: huh.. I didn't believe what that psychic said. But now I do.

Wife: what did he say?

Husband: He said, you won't live a peaceful life even aft...

After death of his wife

After the death of his wife an elderly man married a young woman ..

Now he was spending less time with his friends. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem.

“I'm to pass time with you but my poor wife gets lonely when I'm away.”

Friends advised him to keep a youn...

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After death, the only organ in the female body which remains warm...

is my penis.

why are the eyes the last part of the body to stop working after death?

they dilate

Where do southern viking descendants go after death?

Y'allhalla

Is there life after death?

50 years of research concluded we don't know

What's the difference between men and women after death?

Women: Ugh...I'm so bloated!

Men: I've never been *this hard* before!

There is such a thing as life after death…

It's called divorce...

Life After Death

Hey grandma, do you think that life after death will be beautiful?

Grandma: Well that depends, who died?

Me after death with god in the heaven:- what's your greatest achievement?

I managed the people to forget about the 4/20 month and also made the extroverts to sit at their home.

Being Bureaucratically Examined After Death

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to
determine whether admission will be granted.
One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each
applicant did on his or her last day of life.
The first applicant of the day explains that his last day w...

2 men meet as ghosts after death.

The first man asks the second man, "How did you die?"

The second man replies, " I froze to death, and you?"

The first man says, " I had a heart attack."

The second man asks, "how could that have happened?"

First man says," I was gardening outside my house and heard an un...

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I am in strong opposition to donating organs after death.

Like seriously, why the fuck should anyone be able to just give away their piano?

According to new research, human bodies keep moving for more than a year after death.

That’s crazy news, but it certainly explains why Grandpa was flailing so much during the cremation.

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Don't become an Islamic suicide bomber for the off chance you'll get 72 virgins after death.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now!

Man asks his terminally ill friend: "Have you any idea what's it like after death?"

He replies: "No, but I'm dying to know"

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An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane...

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would yo...

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After death a man is presented to St. Peter in front of the heavenly gates

St. Peter checks his name and tells him that he has sinned all his life so he’ll go to hell. ‘But’, he continues, ‘since you’ve once fed a homeless man you’ll be able to choose from many hells where you want to spend the eternity.’


Off he is whisked to different hells to choose from. He s...

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A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant

A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant.

After they put in their orders, the three strike up a conversation about what they believe awaits them in the afterlife.

The priest says, "I try to live my life according to God's word, so that I may go to the g...

An arrogant, wealthy man passed away one day

In his will, he entrusted $50,000 in cash to each of his closest advisers: his accountant, his doctor, and his lawyer. In his will, he instructed that each of them was to put all of the money into an envelope and place it into his coffin at his funeral, so he could have his money even after death....

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