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Purgatory Jokes

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Three men go to purgatory

Three men died and were sent to purgatory to be cleansed of their sins. Each were asked by god how they would like to spend their time there. After an eternity, the three men completed their sentences and met one another at the golden gates. Upon being let in, each were curious about what the other ...

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Bill Clinton and the Pope die at the same time.

There's an administrative mix up in purgatory and the Pope is sent to Hell and Clinton to Heaven.

After 20 minutes the mistake is discovered and the mistake rectified. As they're heading down the escalator Clinton down, the Pope up, the pope says to Clinton "I'm really looking forward to meet...

Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed a...

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A Scientist, Mathematician, and an Idiot are in a car. Crashing into a tree, all three die. They are sent to purgatory, where the Devil is waiting.

(Of course, the idiot was driving)

"Unfortunately, since heaven is quite full at the moment, I am only going to allow one of you in," the Devil says. "Whoever can ask me a question that I cannot answer correctly will be admitted into heaven. The rest will go to hell."

So the scientist ...

An American, a Hindu, and a Russian land in Purgatory.

A grey-winged angel with a huge whip hanging from his belt meets them and says: "Alright, here's the rules. Anyone who takes three strikes from my whip without screaming, can go straight to Heaven. You can shield yourselves with whatever you like. We've got everything here. Who's first?" The America...

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Picasso, Caravaggio, and Warhol meet in Hell.

They ask for an appointment with god to ask him why they went to hell despite being great artists who gave so much to the world.

God says, "Caravaggio, you were a street gang bully and a literal murderer. Of course you go to hell."

"What about me?" Picasso says.

"Picasso, you tr...

Steve Jobs dies and goes to Purgatory (Heard this way before he died)

Eventually St. Peter comes to him and lets him know that he's done a lot of good things for the world and caused a lot of trouble, so they're not sure where to put him. He lets him get a tour of heaven and hell and let him decide where he wants to be.

So Steve goes on a tour of heaven and ...

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Three preachers and their wives die in a car accident.

They all show up in line at the pearly gates, and the first couple walk up to St. Peter. St Peter says to the first preacher: "You've been pretty good you know, but you loved money so much you married a girl named Penny. You go on down to purgatory for a bit until you're sorry." Second preacher walk...

A priest and a bus driver are standing in Purgatory...

There is an angel guarding two doors: one for Hell, the other for Heaven. Both of them approach the celestial being and it says, looking at a really long list:

"Alright, Mr... Stanford, the bus driver? You are going to Heaven, congratulations!"

The bus driver happily opens the correspo...

Bill Gates dies in a car accident, He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call;

I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or
Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by
putting a computer in almost every home in
America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows
'95. I'm going to do something I've never done
before in your case; I'm going to let you decide...

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The earthquake

There was an earthquake, and the Christian Brothers Monastery was leveled.

All fifty brothers were transported to Heaven at one time.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said

\- "Let's go through the entry test as a group. How many of you have played around with little boys?"
...

Three blondes

Three blondes are driving down the street in a little car and get in an accident in which they all die. They awake to find themselves at the gates of Heaven, with Saint Peter smiling sweetly. He welcomes them and announces "ladies, before me I have the book of life. In it, i can see you've done some...

So these two ladies die

and are waiting in purgatory to hear the results of their life audit. A door opens and two men walk in. An angel walks in with an ugly, hunch backed gremlin of a man. The angel says "Nancy, in 1982 you killed a duck, your punishment will be to spend your eternal life with this man". He slaps the the...

So we have Stairway to Heaven and Highway to Hell...

...and yet no Carpool to Purgatory

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Bosnian joke for ya'

Judgment day comes and big hole in ground opens. And angels tell people to jump in it and they will be judged for their sins. First comes English guy, jumps in a hole, and in darkness he feels Jesus taking his hand "My son, tell me your sins" Jesus says. "I'm sorry Jesus, I was a sinner, I cursed yo...

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Why do you think we are here?

John, Paul, and Bill sit around a campfire.

John turns to Paul, and asks him "Why do you think we are here?"

Paul says "Man, I wonder that all the time. Some people think we exist on Earth in purgatory. We suffer here through the trials and tribulations of life in order to determine if...

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So these three blondes die trying to jump the Grand Canyon...

Fortunately for them, they were all Christians, so they went straight up to Heaven and met Saint Peter at the gate. He put down his newspaper and greeted the women with a smile. "Alright ladies, I have no problem letting you into Heaven, but you need to answer me one simple question- what is Easte...

Patrick died and went to the gates of heaven

There he saw a man with a halo sitting behind a table waiting. As he approached the Saint looked up and Patrick saw two keys hanging around his neck on a chain, the keys to the pearly gates themselves. This must be St. Peter, Patrick thought.

''Hello Patrick. I just have to check through you...

Three men die and are at the pearly gates ...

St Peter explains to them that, while in the old days God demanded that only Christians who closely studied the Bible could get into Heaven, times have changed and requirements have been relaxed. These days, you only need to know the basics.
St Peter turns to the first man and says, "if you can...

Contractors don't go to Hell...

They go to purgatory.

Once a week Satan comes down, waves, and hollers, "Guys, don't worry. You'll be out of here next week. I promise!"

Three blondes die and go to Heaven.

Stop laughing, that's not the whole joke.

They're standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes out and says, "Welcome to Heaven. We've been having some problems with break-ins lately, so I just need you to answer one simple question, and you can get in to Heaven. What is Easter?"...

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Three men all suffer an untimely death on the very same day.

They all wind up in purgatory and each has a sneaking suspicion that they will unfortunately end up in Hell for their various evil deeds committed on Earth. As this thought occurs to each of them, Satan suddenly appears before the three men. Much to their delight, Satan offers each of them one final...

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A politician ends up in hell.

So a politician ends up in hell.
The devil looks at him and say “mmm never had one of your types down here before. You’re the first one God sent down here. But based on your past record on earth, you definitely belong down here”

With in a matter of weeks the politician starts to weasel hi...

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Three men get a second chance.

Three sinful men die and are sent to purgatory, one is addicted to money, one is a gambling addict, and the other is addicted to anal sex.

They are all in disbelief that they didn't make it in to heaven and plead with God to give them a second chance at life. God relents but he says he will ...

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The Levels of Death

A man dies and arrives in Hell. He looks around. The sky is gloomy and rainy. He’s approached by an old man. The old man says, “Hello. Welcome to Hell. Let me show you around.” So the old man starts to show him around. He shows the man to a rundown shack and says, “This is where you’ll sleep.” He th...

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1000 Years.

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven, St. Peter looks upon them and says "Though you are all good men, you have sins to absolve before i can let you enter the great kingdom!" So St. Peter takes them off to purgatory.

The first man had an addiction to sex. St. Peter took this man to a room,...

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A man finds himself in pure darkness...

Attempting to search for a light source, he waves his arms around.

Feeling a button, he clicks it and a television screen activates. A creature in a strange mask appears.

The strange being then opens it mouth, saying,"I want to play a game."

The man, in horror, can merely stare ...

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Heaven’s been getting pretty packed lately...

Heaven’s been getting pretty packed lately, so God came up with a solution to this. Everyone who died and goes to heaven must first get an interview with an angel, who would decide if their death was noble or not. If it was, they would be let inside, otherwise they would be sent to purgatory.
...

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