Adam And Eve Jokes - 64 Hilarious Adam And Eve Jokes

Adam and Eve

A little girl asked her father, "How did the human race start?"
The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve, they had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the huma...

Adam and Eve

Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden, talking to God.

He says to God “You’ve given me life, the purpose of naming every animal, and plenty of food to eat. You’ve made me comfortable, kept me well fed, and a sense of purpose. However, I’m feeling quite lonely; is there anything you can do to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Adam and Eve notice God standing before them, holding a bag

"Hi, God. What's in the bag?" asked Eve.

"These are a couple of things that were left over from creation that I thought you two would be interested in." God rummages around in the bag a moment. "Okay who wants to be able to pee standing up?"

Adam immediately puts his hand up in the air...

Adam and Eve

Eve: "Adam are you seeing someone else?"

Adam: "No, you're the only woman on earth!"

Adam: "Now what are you doing?"

Eve: "Counting your ribs."

Adam and Eve

One day, God asked Adam how things were going with Eve.

Adam: Pretty good, I guess.

God: You seem to be holding back. Do you have any questions?

Adam: Well, why did you make her so much more beautiful than me?

God: So you would enjoy looking at her.

Adam: And...

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

Three men are discussing Adam and Eve

The Frenchman says "Adam and Eve must be French. They are beautiful, and naked, and have all the world's beauty before them."

The Englishman says "Not at all. They are residing in the most beautiful, perfect Garden. They must be English."

The Russian says "They are without clothes, ...

Why do Adam and Eve use Android?

Because Eve violated the apple terms and conditions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God summons Adam and Eve as he would like to offer them each a feature distinguishing men from women

God: "So guys, you have to choose now between being able to stand up and pee and m..."

Adam: "Me me memememe! I want to be able to stand up and pee! Thats gotta be the best feature out there.. I choose this one for men! I win, you lose Eve!!"

God: "Erm.. alright then.. Eve, I guess yo...

Shortly after creating them, God is introducing Adam and Eve to The Garden.

"These are the trees and bushes that bear fruit for you to eat. These are the bodies of water, for you to drink from. These are the animals, for you to name. And this is the forbidden fruit, which you must never eat."

"And what's that?" says Eve, pointing to something on her left.

"Oh ...

Adam and Eve had been brainstorming with God for what felt like an eternity.

"Two dozen hours?" asked Adam.

"One seventh of a week?" suggested Eve.

God shook his head and sighed. "Let's just call it a day."

A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.

The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve...

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflecti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

What nationality were Adam and Eve?

Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and naked, have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?

Adam and Eve are walking through the Garden of Eden for the first time

They marvel at the beauty. Waterfalls, beautiful plants, trees, and animals, and an incredible sky are the things they look at and enjoy. Adam looks past God and sees a woman standing there. With Eve next to him, he wonders who it is. He asks God "who is that standing there?" God turns and Queen Eli...

When God created Adam and Eve...

He said to them: I have two gifts to give you one is to do pee standing up and...

Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming: M E... M E...I want it, please Lord... please... please... please... This would make life a lot easier!

Eve agreed and said those things didn’t matter to her...

Why were Adam and Eve so happy?

They didn't have to worry about in-laws

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.

‘They must have been English,’ declared the Englishman. Only a gentleman would share his first apple with a woman.’

‘They were undoubtedly French,’ said the Frenchman. ‘Who else could seduce a woman so easily?’

‘I think they were Russians,’ said the Russian. ‘After all, who else could ...

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens

They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God comes down to the Garden of Eden to visit Adam and Eve, and finds only Adam, looking all disheveled with a big grin on his face.

God is curious so he asks Adam what has been happening and why he looks so happy.

"Me and Eve just discovered sex!" replies Adam enthusiastically.

God says, "Oh no! What you have done is a sin! You and Eve must both repent. Where is Eve by the way?"

"She's down at the river clea...

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a Soviet Russian are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, "They must be French; they're naked and they're eating fruit."
The Englishman says, "Clearly, they're English; observe how politely the woman is offering the fruit to the man."
The Russian replies, "No, they are Russian communist, of course. They have no house, little to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call it when Adam and Eve have sex?

A gentle ribbing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve were talking to God....

He told them, "I have two things remaining to separate men from women and I'm going to let you choose." He looked at Adam, "I'm going to let you choose first...the first thing is the ability to pee standing up." Adam didn't hesitate...."Yes, I want that one!" God gifted man with the ability to pee s...

What did Adam and Eve do on their first date?

They shared a side of ribs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve

When God made Adam he noticed that Adam was sad and asked what was wrong.

Adam - I'm lonely.

God - That's no good! How about I make you a companion? One that is gorgeous, give you mind blowing sex, will cook and clean, and doesn't mind it when you spend time with the guys or watch f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve are figuring out what's what one day...

Adam starts getting excited and Eve looks down, and says "that's it?". Adam replies "it's literally the biggest penis on Earth, what more do you want?"

My pastor always says "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve". I found a solution though. Eve and Steve just need to take a turn together!

That would make it Eve 'n Steven.

Old Adam and Eve joke

Eve has had enough and kicks Adam out o the Garden of Eden for two weeks. Next day he's back. "What are you doing here?" she asks.

"My leaves up."

After persuading Adam and Eve to eat the Forbidden Fruit, the Serpent decides to ask God something

"Hey, God, I just ruined Adam and Eve's lives! I got them to eat the Fruit that you specifically asked them not to eat!"

"Ok."

"I gotta ask though, why did you not want to them to eat it? Why do you care if they have knowledge of Good and Evil? Is it because you want to be the only one...

Adam and Eve blundered when they hit "Accept and Continue."

They forgot to read the apple terms of service.

I'm working on a video game where you go back in time and kill Adam and Eve

it's going to be the first ever First Person Shooter.

Adam and Eve were the happiest and the luckiest couple in the world

because neither of them had a mother-in-law.

When Adam and Eve found out that Abel was dead

they raised Cain.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know why God made Adam and Eve white?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from a black man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and eve have problems

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a
few nights, Eve became upset.

“You’re running around with other women,” she charged.

“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on Earth.” The quarrel
continued ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve

Were in the garden of eden and Adam says to Eve “Hey Eve lets go for a swim!” And Eve says “That sounds wonderful!”

So they start running towards the dead sea and God shouts down “No Eve, no Eve NOOOOooooooo!” And Eve dives into the water!

God says: Awe crap now I will never get th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God was just about finished creating Adam and Eve...

...and told them "Okay guys, I've got two attributes left to give you--one for each of you. I'm going to let you choose which you each want. The first is, you get to pee standing up."

Adam jumps on that one right away. God says, "are you sure? You haven't heard the second one yet!" to wh...

Adam and Eve

Did you know Eve was the first carpenter? She made Adam's banana stand.

After Adam and Eve arrived in Eden, he stayed out late a few nights wandering the garden.

Eve became suspicious.
“Are you running around with another woman?” Eve fired off.
“What other woman?” Adam exclaimed “ You’re it!”
That night, Adam was awakened by Eve poking him in the chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Counting your ribs.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God has finished creating Adam and Eve

They stand before him and he says, “I have two things left but I don’t know who should get what.”
Adam asks “What’s the first one?”
God says “the ability to pee standing up.”
Adam immediately says “Oh! Yes please! I want that one!” Before Eve could utter a word.
God says “Done!” And Ada...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God calls Adam and Eve and tells them he has two gifts...

"One is a penis, so you can piss standing up" says God.

Immediately Adam shouts: "Me! Me! I want a penis! I always wanted to piss while standing!"

So God gives Adam a penis. Overjoyed, Adam starts running around pissing on everything he can see. He pisses on the flowers and trees and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Caught Skinny Dipping

A priest and a rabbi are good friends and one night they get talking about Adam and Eve and the Garden of Eden. The conversation leads them to try skinny dipping and under the light of the moon, they find themselves in swimming in a lake with their clothes hung from a tree. A car pulls up right next...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam, Eve and God's bag of parts

One day Adam and Eve were enjoying the garden and it's many luxuries, when they heard the voice of God.

"Alright you two, I have new parts for you, only have two for now."

He explained, approaching the two.

"First is a hose, I think I will call it a penis."

He explained,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve

It's the evening of the sixth day of creation. Adam and Eve are hanging out in the Garden of Eden having a grand time when God comes in, carrying a sack. God tells them "There's just a couple things left to take care of to wrap things up". God opens the sack, looks in and says, " first, we have the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God gave Adam and Eve 2 rules...

First was to never eat the forbidden fruit. Second, Eve can never, under any circumstances, learn how to swim.

After a few weeks in paradise, watching Adam swim in the pristine ocean, Eve decides she'd had enough. She follows Adam into the surf, and as she reaches waste-deep water the sky da...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve

Adam and Eve are in the Garden while God is handing out different abilities. God realizes he only has two things left, and tells them so.
Pulling out the second to last item, He tells Adam and Eve it's the ability to pee while standing.
Adam immediately jumps forward and exclaims, "Oh, can I h...

The worst part about Adam and Eve’s blunder in the Garden of Eden?

Laundry!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When God first made Adam and Eve, we learned a few things.

In the early days of the Garden of Eden, God didn't realize that he had made Eve much hornier than planned. She was constantly after Adam's junk. One day, after Adam couldn't get it up any more, Eve decided to look for fulfillment elsewhere.
She stormed off, and the first creature she saw was a d...

So my wife asked me yesterday "What would you do if You and I were 'Adam and Eve'?"

I replied nonchalantly, **"I'd fap and go to sleep. That would solve most problems."**

P.S: A'yup, I slept on the couch. worth it? :/

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies,and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Two gifts to Adam and Eve

When God was almost done creating Adam and Eve he said to them: "Alright I am almost done with you. I have two more gifts I can give you"

Adam and Eve go "what is it?"
God "the first one is the gift of peeing while standing upright..." Adam interrupts "Pick me me me!!! I want to pee standi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God has two last gifts to hand out to Adam and Eve.

"The first gift I have is the ability to pee while standing up." God says

"Please Lord, let me have this gift. It will be so much easier for me to take care of the animals, and tend the fields, without having to sit down to pee. My darling Eve, please let me have this amazing gift." Adam begg...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve just had sex for the first time...

God comes down to Eden to check on them. He finds Adam, hanging out in the bushes.

"How was it?" God asks.

"Amazing," Adam replies. "I can't fucking wait to do it again!"

"That is great!" says God. "I designed it specifically for you. But... where is Eve?"

Adam answers, "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adam and Eve joke

So shortly after God created Eve God calls Adam over for a chat.
"So how is everything going with this new female?"
"She"s fantastic God. There's just one problem. Smell this."
Adam puts his fingers up to God's nose and God takes a whiff.
"Fuck Adam, that smells terrible. Where on my gre...

Adam and Eve were in different parts of the Garden of Eden when the Lord ......

......... commanded Adam to go and squeeze Eve's hand.

"What's a squeeze, Lord?" Adam asked.

The Lord explained, and Adam went and squeezed Eve's hand. Then the Lord told Adam to kiss Eve.

Again, Adam was confused and asked for an explanation, which was given.

And Adam we...

A husband and wife are sitting in church listening to a sermon about Adam and Eve...

A husband and wife are sitting in church listening to a sermon about Adam and Eve. The husband is taking notes when he notices his wife dozing off. He gently pokes her with his pencil and she wakes up. The Adam and Eve sermon continues but a few minutes later, he notices her dozing off again. Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke: Creation

*Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but He had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so He decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things He had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.*

*"It's a very hand...

The first joke in History

Adam and Eve are walking around the Garden of Eden.

Eve tells Adam what appears to be the world’s first ever joke. It’s a good joke, but Adam doesn’t laugh.

Eve asks “didn’t you like my joke?”

Adam says “nah, I’ve already seen it posted and reposted several times on r/joke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God comes down to the Garden of Eden bearing gifts for Adam and Eve.

He says "I have two gifts. First, the ability to write your name in the snow with your pee"

Adam leaps foreward excitedly shouting "Ooh me! Me me me!" And snatches the gift from The Lord's hands

The Almighty sighs and says to Eve "well I guess that leaves you with multiple orgasms."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God shows up in the Garden of Eden looking for Adam and Eve.

Eventually he finds Adam alone and asks him, "Where is Eve?"

Adam says, "Well, last time i saw her she was taking a bath in the river."

God, looking annoyed, asks him how long she's been in there.

"I guess a couple of hours."

"Really, shit!"

"What's wrong?" asks Ad...

When I was 8, I had a friend who was raised by atheists.

He once told me, “I don’t know where Adam and Eve is...”

“Are,” I corrected. “And they’re in heaven.”

“I don’t know where Adam and Eve are,” he corrected. “But my mom and dad sure do shop there often.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God went to the Garden of Eden to visit Adam and Eve...

... and found Adam sitting under a tree, relaxing.

"How's everything?" asked God.
"Good, thank you! This place is great!" said Adam.
"Where's Eve?" asked God, looking around.
"Well, we just had sex, and it was great," said Adam, "and so she went down to the river, to take a bath."...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.